The 49+ Best Creatures Jokes

What mythical creature fights for the rights of other mythical creatures?

Unioncorns.

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Humans aren't the only creatures who stutter [NSFW for language]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. *"Human beings are the only animals that stutter,"* she says.

A little girl raises her hand and says, *"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."*

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to ...

Around 90% of sea creatures have yet to be discovered.

Alright then, keep your sea crits.

Shrek was furious when all the fairy tale creatures were forced onto his swamp

It was Marsh Madness!

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

In 1996, Peter was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in...

There are creatures in my house…

… who sit in the same spot all day long, expect food to come to them, and leave silky white stuff everywhere.

Such is life with male teenagers.

In India, they regard Bovine creatures as sacred animals.

Holy Cow!

Imagine you are put into a room completely naked full of weird creatures that look nothing like you and all they want to do is touch you.

That my friend is the life of a dog.

What did my wondering eyes behold.

After a brutal late Autumn wind storm I noticed that my young Elm tree had finally lost all of its leaves in preparation for the cold snowy winter ahead. I smiled to my self realizing how nature helps all creatures prepare for the coming seasonal changes. But then my gaze was drawn to a red shotgu...

A blonde and an alligator

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde ...

So I discovered that the creatures from avatar have come up with a new business idea.

They’ll let you rent a tribesman as a father figure over the Christmas period.

I heard they’re being called For lease na’vi Dads

Did you know mythological creatures have their own dentist's office?

It's true, I saw it today and they were suuuuuuper busy! The waiting room was packed, and every time the orderly would come out to call in another patient, the half-man-half-horse would get all excited; "is it my turn now? oh, pick me, pick me!" and all that jazz. Of course, every time it was actual...

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Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒌𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑻𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒆… 𝑺𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒛𝒊𝒏𝒈...

Why are snowmen the loneliest creatures on Earth?

They have snow friends.

Lions don't usually cannibalize, because they are proud creatures.

But sometimes they have to swallow their pride.

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Wives are funny creatures.

They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

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When creatures were nothing but a clump of cells...

When creatures were nothing but a clump of cells a hole begins to firm that exists throughout their entire lives as their gastrointestinal tract.

Some creatures form from the mouth down.

Others the other way around.

Humans fall into the second category.

So everyone readin...

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Simon the prawn is sick of being chased by the other creatures in the lagoon.

He prays to god to make him into a fierce shark and turn the tables on his enemies.

The next day simon has been turned into a Great white shark and has great fun chasing all his enemies round, but soon starts to enjoy bullying all the other creatures too.

After a few days the no...

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During creation, God asked creatures of they wanted an exoskeleton or an endoskeleton.

Turtle: Yes

Author's note: "repost" because I fucked up the original

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God created Adam and after a time God took a rib from Adam to create Eve

God says to Adam “I have taken your rib and from that I have created Eve, a woman. Adam, you are to love Eve.”
Adam asks God, “alright God, well what am I supposed to love Eve, a woman?”
God tells Adam “you can go and hold Eve’s hand, Adam. Here’s how.”
God explain how they should hold ha...

Why do sea creatures read the news?

To keep up with current events!

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Jesus Loves Fish

God went to Adam one day and said:

"Hey man, who has been shitting near the Durian fruit I created last week. I told you guys not to disturb new creations for a week, at least. Now they will smell like shit for all eternity. They need a week undisturbed. Anything you add to them before that c...

Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures?

Personally I think it's the killer whales. They're the best at orca-nizing

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media".

It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.

He took great care of it , and was graded “A” for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.

Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.

Then one day ...

One large woodland creature that can’t feel pain, four large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain, three large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain, seven large woodland creatures that can’t feel pain.

I know there is a joke here somewhere, but it seems like just a bunch of random numb bears to me.

I’ve started adopting sea creatures.

It’s my porpoise in life.

If you don't know a lot of creatures in Greek Mythology...

I'll give you a mini-tour

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn’t get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

My friend showed me this awesome app where you can watch exotic creatures

Apparently it is called Tik tok

Dolphins are the second most intelligent creatures on the planet second only to man

Pushing down women to third

TIL: humans and bonobos are the only creatures that look into their partner's eyes during intercourse.

I never do though.. Except for that one time when I was going at it, and suddenly she entered the room.

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Three men go to Hell [Long]

One random night 3 men went out drinking and having a good time. Drunk, swaying side to side, they decided it was a good idea to walk down the middle of a road. As they get further down the road a truck came through and didn't see them. All three men were hit and died instantly. These 3 men were al...

You must be one of the creatures from Bird Box.

Just the sight of you makes me want to kill myself.

How does Santa keep track of the bad sea creatures?

He puts them on the nautilus.

What group of creatures go by the base-8 code number 3.110375524210264302151423063050560067016321122011160210514763071...?

Octopi.

A good lawyer, the Tooth-fairy, Santa Claus, and a homeless man are walking down the street,

They see a 100$ bill, who gets it?

The homeless man obviously, the rest are mythical creatures

What are prehistoric creatures called when they sleep?

**Dinosnores**

When God created the animals, He realized the sea creatures needed more work.

They were just beta fish

The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.

At the Baptist church, the squirre...

Why don't sea creatures get divorced?

Because they can't afford abalone.

Why won't any sea creatures date oysters?

Rumour has it they're shellfish lovers.

What do you call it when people exchange sea creatures?

Squid pro quo.

My wife was arguing that women are naturally more compassionate and selfless creatures. I asked her to show me proof.

So she ordered me to sleep on the floor.

Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage

Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.

"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.

"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled...

Scientists have created a type of brightly coloured sea creatures...

When i found out about this I yelled, "oh the hue-manatee!"

Crabs are amazing collectivistic creatures;

they only use pubic transportation.

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