A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,

"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"

The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."

The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

...

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Three men are on a river expedition in the Amazon

Three men are on a river expedition in the Amazon. One from England, one from France, and one from New York. A few days into the trip they encounter some rapids and wreck their boat. They wash up on shore and are immediately captured by a local tribe. The leader of the tribe steps forward and says ...

Respectfully cheating

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. ...

A joke my dad told me today

Two old fishermen are fishing under a bridge. A funeral procession passes over the bridge. One of the old fishermen stands up, takes his hat off and bows his head.

The second old fisherman says “Wow, that was really respectful of you to do.”

The first old fisherman says “Thanks, it’s t...

A Chinese man and a Jewish man were conversing . . .

The Chinese man was proudly explaining the antiquity of his heritage. “We trace our history continuously through many dynasties and cultural periods way back to over 3,500 years ago!”
The Jewish man respectfully replied , “That is very impressive, indeed, but our history began over 6,000 yea...

During these uncertain times, it is important to remember that we are all still human beings and we should treat each other in a polite and respectful manner. If I come within 6' of you, just politely remind me about social distancing.

None of this, "I have a restraining order, creep!"

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Another Dad joke

Four old guys are playing their almost daily round of golf one day. They get to the teebox on a par 3 which is within sight of a nearby road. The first three guys hit their shots and miss the green. The last old guy tees up his ball. Just then, a funeral procession drives by in the distance. The old...

God, Atheist, and the Bear.

An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in towards the man. The atheist screams in terror, " Oh God, help me!! "

Suddenly, everything - the bear, the trees, the birds, everything but th...

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My father taught me to be reserved and respectful, he said “Son, no one likes a cocky asshole”

“Well, except for uncle Brian and the guy from the hair salon”

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Being sexist is easy. Learning to be respectful takes a long commitment and solid effort.

That's what she said.

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.

The whale then says
“thanks if there’s anything you ever need let me k...

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After enduring it for over a week, a man goes to the doctor with intense, agonizing, shooting pains from his balls to his kidneys.

"Doc," he says "you just gotta help, the pain literally takes me to the floor, and I can't breath because of it either"

The doctor checks him over, and orders a series of tests, finally prescribing strong painkillers until their next appointment the following week.

"Im sorry," says the...

I saw a BMW driving safely and being respectful of other drivers today.

That was the joke.

My mom tells me I need to be more respectful to women...

She asked me why I broke up with my girlfriend.

"It just didn't work out" I said.

"What does that mean" she asked.

"I just told you, she doesn't exercise"

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