I got an email notification about a joke being posted in Reddit

I clicked delete, but my email client wouldn't let me send it to trash. Apparently, jokes can only be recycled, not sent to trash

A constable receives notification about a theft from McGregor's farm near Nottingham. The dispatcher tells him that farmer McGregor reports the theft of 2033 pigs...

The constable starts writing the report, but decides to double-check the exact amount of the pigs. He calls McGregor and asks: "Mr McGregor, are you absolutely sure that there were 2033 pigs stolen?"


"Oh, yeth, conthtable, abtholutely!" McGregor answers.


The constable thanks hi...

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

I actually just realized that cake day is your Reddit anniversary and not your birthday because of a notification I just got.

It’s me. I’m the joke.

Three sisters get married, each to another man

The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them.

She decides to take each of them on a walk separately.

The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a...

I just got a notification from Amazon about the package of spices that I ordered

The thyme has come.

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A Reddit user, a Reddit user, and a Reddit user walk into a bar.

The first one orders a coke. Five minutes later the second one orders a coke and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a coke and the whole city erupts in thunderous applause.

Edit: whoever wasted money on giving me silver, I'd like you to know that I'...

Why do Doctors prefer that women keep their phones on during childbirth?

Push notifications.

Android lets you use "Lumos" for the flashlight, "Silencio" for the notifications...

but not "Incendio". That is a Samsung exclusive.

Woke up this morning, my BBC app gave me 5 separate push notifications that Trump has covid

I've never seen an app so excited before

Girl asked me if I want to do the threesome...

Well, if I were to disappoint two people at same time I'd go for a dinner with my parents

For years I was searching for...

For years I was searching for the music of a korean show called 'Rep'. I searched all my life for that music. A good part of my life was attached to thaf show. But I cant find it. I lost all my hopes in it.

Now when I am near my death bed, some months ago I get used to reddit. What a womderfu...

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Couples coffee (OC WIP)

A priest, a marriage counselor, and a notorious playboy are all at of a romantic breakfast for couples event when the announcer gets on stage and pulls back a curtain to reveal a coffee-making robot with hundreds of robotic arms. He announces that this robot automatically makes coffee for both the p...

Android phone can be so annoying

Just received a notification that my bible needs update, for what exactly?
Has Adam eaten another apple.

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

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A Canadian drove into the US in hopes of visiting Orange County.

He stopped at the first gas station he saw and asked the attendant for directions.

“Orange County?!” exclaimed the attendant. “You’re in fucking New York! Get out of my station, you crazy son of a bitch.”

The Canadian left, puzzled by the attendant’s impoliteness. He decided to drive ...

I was in an Uber..

..when a Grindr notification went off on my phone. My uber driver said, "I know that sound. My husband plays that game all the time."

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made on or over Comcast's High-Speed Internet service (the 'Service'). The copyright owner has identified the Internet Protocol ('IP') address associa...

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What do you call it when someone texts you just to tell you that they are pooping?

*Push* Notifications.

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head... he sits down at the bar and the bartender says "WHOA! How did you get a lemon for a head?" The man replies "if you pour me free drinks all night, I'll tell you the story" the bartender agrees and starts to pour him a drink. The man starts to te...

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

Wives:

The world's first push notification system

Toasters...

were the first form of pop-up notifications.

What's the difference between good jokes and bad ones?

I never get notifications that good jokes are trending on reddit.

They have launched a new marijuana app up here in Canada, but it is very annoying.

It keeps sending you kush notifications.

A most interesting fellow

A man is walking down the street and runs into a rather strange looking fellow. He's wearing a dark hood obscuring much of his face, so he goes to investigate. He soon realizes that the hooded figure had no face at all.

"Excuse me, sir," the man asked the hooded figure, "do you mind taking o...

Moses opens his tablet.

The notification says, "You have 10 unread commandments'.

I wanted to make a Houston joke a few days ago...

but i didn't want to be flooded with all the notifications.

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New metals are added to chemistry

A new metal is added to chemistry:

• NAME

- Husband

• SYMBOL:

- Hb

• ATOMIC WEIGHT:

1. Light when found first
2. Tends to get heavier over the years with time

• PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Boils at any time with inlaws
2. Can...

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