The 108+ Best Dream Jokes

Last night I dreamed I was in Paris. The year was 1789.

I was poor and hungry. My clothes were in tatters. I was all alone.

Far away I saw the palace, and when the guards weren’t watching, I slipped inside.

I smelled food. I followed the smell.

There I saw the Queen, feasting on a huge banquet, with a dozen ladies of the court.
...

What is your dream job?

“Well , in my dreams, I don’t work “

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream.

"Why is everything here so bad?" asks Putin, "What should I do to make Russia great again?"

"Execute half the population and paint the Kremlin blue" says Stalin.

"Why blue?" asks the inquisitive Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part," says Stalin.

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A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

Sweet dreams are made of cheese

Who am I to diss-a-Brie? I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody’s looking for Stilton.

I dreamed I was invisible and I married an invisible woman

I'm not sure what we saw in each other
 
 
 
 
Our kids were nothing to look at either

Just woke up from a dream about Roman numerals 5, 4, 1, and 500.

It was VIVID.

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She’s Tolkien in her sleep.

Nine years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.

She said no both times.

German Dream

We were talking about the American dream in class and the teacher said to a German boy if he had a German dream. He said, "We did but no-one liked it."

Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city..

Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like 0mg

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before

It was just a pigment of my imagination.

I dream of one day swimming in an ocean of orange carbonated water

It's my Fanta sea.

Last night I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow

and when I woke up my giant marshmallow was gone.

My gf told me she had a dream about me cheating.

It’s sweet of her to have dreams of me being happy.

I met my dream girl at the morgue

but she didn't warm up to my advances.

I actually heard this joke in a dream this morning

What do you call a little square that hasn't developed its new dimension yet?

Precubescent

My disabled friend asked me once what I think his dream job was

I said "Stand-up comedian". After that day we never met again :(

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

Dream

\- Doctor, I have a problem: every night I dream of rats playing football!

\- Take this medicine, and this nightmare will stop!

\- Thank you! I'll start taking it tomorrow!

\- Why tomorrow?

\- Well, today they're playing the final!

Pat always dream of being a vampire

One day, Pat found a lamp, he rubbed it, and a Genie came out from the lamp.

"I am granting you 3 wishes, what is your 1st wish, Pat?"

"I want my face to be white." Pat didn't wait for the Genie, he continued, "I want to have wings, and I want to suck blood, a lot of blood. Yes, I ...

What does Senator Lindsey Graham, Upcoming Game of Thrones Book "Dream of Spring" and Video Game Star Citizen have in common?

None of them are ever coming out!

You're welcome

My wife and I are going to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

Her: What will you do when you finally see it?

Me: Let’s….cross that bridge when we get there.

I had a dream last night about a nocturnal horse

Well, it was actually more of a night mare.

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

Father's Dreams

son : Dad, do you have any dreams you want to accomplish?
dad : I gave up on my dreams years ago kiddo, but let's focus on yours
son : oh, but how many years ago exactly did you give up?

dad : well how old are you?

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Wife dreamed that she was attending a dick auction

Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "They gave those away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. Th...

Oliver has been living the dream

Two old friends caught up for lunch. Jake and Oliver hadn't seen each other for over twenty years. "How have you been?" Oliver asked.
"I've been good" Jake said, ordering from the menu. "I'm married with two great kids. Work is a bit dull but it pays the bills. How about you, how have you been...

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A man got together enough money to take his dream girl to an expensive restaurant

She started ordering the most expensive things on the menu – lobster, caviar, champagne….

He said, “Wow! Does your mother feed you like that at home?”

“No,” she said,

“But my mother isn’t expecting a blowjob.”

The Mother/Daughter dream threesome

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Do...

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

I used to play guitar in my room when I was a child, and it was my dream to make it big. Fast forward twenty years, and now I play to thousands of people a week.

If only some of them could spare me some change.

Woman stopped me at the station and said for twenty bucks she'd do things my wife would never dream of ...

I gave her twenty bucks and she ironed three shirts.

A lottery winner decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse and goes to a high end stable.

"I'm not really sure which kind I want," he tells the owner.

"Well, it depends on what you want them to do," the owner says. "Over here, we have a Type A horse - good workers, but temperamental. Back there eating hay you have a Type B horse - mostly good for companionship."

"That soun...

Halfway to my dream of being a criminal lawyer!

Now I just have to work on the lawyer part.

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Last night, I tossed and turned as I had a dream that a giant grizzly bear ate me and I passed through its entire digestive tract.

I woke up feeling pooped.

Last night I had a dream where I experienced a completely new color.

It was a pigment of my imagination

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I saw a toilet in my dream and peed in my bed

Now I am pissed

A man with no arms and no legs always had a dream of becoming a firefighter.

His mother didn’t want to crush his dreams but she knew he would never be accepted. She let him set up an interview so he could be let down slowly. Surprisingly, she picked him up and he gave her the news that he got the job. She was shocked. On his first day of work, she wanted to check in on him s...

This morning my wife woke me telling me she had a terrible dream.

She shook me a little and I was still in that half asleep response mode. She says, "I had a terrible dream. I dreamed that we broke up and you left me for some hot 20 year old."

Eyes still closed, I mumbled, "20 years old. That's terrible. Where did I find her?"

Dreams

An older couple are laying in bed one morning and the wife said “I had a dream I was in Walmart.”

The husband said, “I had a dream I was naked with three women.”

The wife asked, “Was I there?”

Husband replied, “No, you were in Walmart.”

After a bitter divorce, while cleaning out the attic to prepare for selling their dream home, a genie pops out of a dust covered item.

“I will grant you three wishes of anything your heart desires” says the genie, “but know that your ex will receive twice whatever you wish for”

Ok, I’m losing my dream home, I wish for the most glorious mansion complete with staff to serve my every whim.

DONE! You are the o...

We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."

"Stairs don't talk!"

It's been a long-term dream to convert a lighthouse

But the project has been on and off for years.

a man was being interviewed for his dream job

"What is this 8 year gap in your resume?" The interviewer asked

"Oh that? That was when i went to Yale" He explained

"You went to Yale!? Youre hired!"

"Thank you so much! Ive always dreamed of having this Yob!"

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I was dreaming about having diarrhea and then I woke up.

That's when shit got real.

When I was a young man, I dreamed of sleeping with a strange woman every night.....

What I didn't realize was that it would be the same one!

I had a dream the other night

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he ...

Landed my dream job at a guillotine factory

Will beheading there tomorrow

I dreamed this joke

Seems quite strange, but in my dream I came up with this joke, and upon waking it actually makes sense as a joke to my great surprise. Usually when you have flashes of inspiration in a dream you wake up and realise it made absolutely zero sense.

Here's the joke.

Two horses were best ...

A horse had a life long dream of playing the guitar

So there was a horse, and this horse always had a dream of playing the guitar.

So the horse calls up a music shop and he says, “Hey, I want to learn how to play the guitar.”

The music shop employee goes “That’s great we’ll set you up for music lessons.”

The horse responds “We...

My wife told me over breakfast she dreamed I'd given her a diamond ring

"I wonder what it means," she said.

I smiled but said nothing and left for work.

That evening I brought her a small gift-wrapped package. Oh you should have seen how excited she was! Brought a tear to my eye.

She opened the present with trembling hands: a little book titled "How...

The American dream:

To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$

My dad told me this one

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...

...is one of Donald Trumps more offensive slogans.

A man accomplishes his life-long dream of becoming a stand-up comedian

However, he does not find any success in the field. His jokes are poor and quite predictable. So, after a couple of weak performances, he quits comedy. Frustrated, he punches at a punching bag, and finds it weirdly satisfying. So, he decides to take up a career in professional boxing as a means to f...

it has always been my dream to be a multi millionaire like my father...

...my father has been dreaming of becoming a multi millionaire too.

According to my dream journal, Scarlett Johansson has made 6 appearances this year.

But it might be 7, because some pages are stuck together.

I had a wet dream last night about dogs...

Talk about coming in my boxers.

A man is talking to his doctor about a recurring dream he keeps having.

"I keep dreaming about a soccer match between elephants and mice" the patient said

"No worries" says the doctor and gives the patient some medicine, "take this just before bed and you'll have a dreamless sleep"

"Ok, thank you doctor" responded the man "but can I start it tomorrow? Th...

I’ve always dreamed of swimming in a body of water filled with soda.

Sadly it’s just a Fanta-sea.

Millenials dream about owning a house

Too bad it's surreal estate

I had this weird dream that I was swimming in a fizzy purple drink...

When I woke up in my bed, I have to admit, I was a little disappointed that it was only a Fanta-sy.

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Be Careful what you dream of

A Couple in bed in the morning

She: i had a nice dream this night

He: really what was about?

She: i was dreaming going to Ikea and do shoppping

He: oh nice..

She: what about you, did you had any dream?

He: yes, i was dreaming doing sex with two girls simulta...

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I heard dream catchers can catch your dreams,

is that why mine looks like a tight-knit spiraling butthole with white feather drip.

I'm no damn dirty hippie though, I only have it for Ass-thetic purposes.

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Just had a dream that reads like a joke.

A guy had an accident that severely hurt his penis, and was recovering at the doctor's office.

Doctor: "Your situation is very serious. I'll have to bring in a specialist."

Patient: "What, a surgeon?"

D: "No, a flute player."

P: "A flute player?! Why?"

D: "They'll ...

What do you call a belt made out of lobsters?

A waist of good seafood

I know it’s bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share

Do you ever wake up disappointed because you were eating something tasty in your dreams?

Stacey. Her name was Stacey.

I'm glad to report that I realized my dream

last night I dreamt that I was peeing and when I woke up I found out that indeed I was peeing

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

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[Almost a real story] My middle school friends and I, when we were in middle school, were talking about our wet dreams. everyone was having a good time talking about the naughty stuff, but my friend Hassan was all quiet and unamused. Later he came to me and said that he wants my thought.

\- So what's up Hassan?

\+ Ali all the guys are having wet dreams and I am not. Am I sick or something?

\- I don't think so. but there must be a reason that you don't. tell me, Do you fap?

\+ Of course I fap.

\- Do you fap a lot...?

\+ not really. once or twice...

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A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.

And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish--to see how the owner makes his signatu...

An Italian man meets the girl of his dreams...

An Italian man meets the girl of his dreams. He falls madly in love with her and decides that he is gonna marry this girl...but first he needs to introduce her to his mother.

So he calls his mother, "Ma, I've met the one. I met the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want you to ...

After years of hard work, a poor man and his wife manage to fulfill their dream of immigrating into the United States.

As they arrive, he sadly informs his wife he's heard that people in the U.S. actually eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well.

With a disgusted look on her face the wife sadly agrees, so they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'

The wif...

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After having a little nap, my wife told me of a dream she had where she walked into the bedroom to find me in bed with her sister having sex.

suddenly a shark came out from under the bed and ate me and her sister.

She said, “It’s funny how things can happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life.”

I said, “Yeah, ridiculous…a shark under the bed.”

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Wife had a dream she was at a Dick auction.

She told her husband about, "The big ones were going for $100 and the small ones were $1."

"How much did mine go for?" He askes. "There were no bidders." She replied.

The next morning the husband tells his wife "I had a crazy dream I was at a pussy auction, the tight ones were going f...

Bad dream

A guy went to the doctor complaining about a bad dream.

Doctor : what seems to be the problem?

Guy: I'm having dreams about this chickens playing in a soccer championship, every night.

Doctor: for how long?

Guy: must be a weak or so.

Doctor: okay, we'll solve this ...

I had a disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad

>!I was tossing all night!<

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Did you hear about the woman who finally achieved her life long dream of working as a dildo tester?

People said she didn't have it in her, but she does.

I keep dreaming that Suggs is walking up my driveway.

Is this the first sign of Madness ?

A wife sent a romantic text to her husband one day. It read, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, sent me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”

I had a dream where I was attacked by 6 naked women.

Sounds strange dozen tit?

I made a joke in my dream last night and I still think it's funny.

I was staying at my grandmother's house, and there were wasps in my guest room. Went to the kitchen and informed her. "Are there a lot of them?" She asked.

"There's so many wasps that they're starting a country club!"

jesus came to me in a dream

he told me that he's not coming back, and that he's very angry at humanity

i don't know what happened in the past but we must've done something to make him cross

A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...

"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."

so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going...

Old man Cohen had immigrated to America and achieved the dream.

He started his own successful nail company. There are two kinds of people he felt, those who built the world and those who just benefitted from it. So he was worried about his son as he handed over the business on retiring.

Within a year his son had completely automated the company, upgraded ...

nfsw: The inventor of the vibrator was actually inspired by a dream...

in the dream, one night he walked outside his midwest house amid farmland. then he heard a whispery but clear voice. the voice said 'if you build it, they will come.'

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Do you ever wonder if the web developers behind Pornhub were inspired by Kevin Costner & Field of Dreams

If you build it, they will cum

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. But my dad crushed those dreams years ago...

He'd always say "For you, son, the sky's the limit!"

There is an app called Monstr for finding the supernatural date of your dreams

Apparently it came out after the release of the Twilight franchise caused a spike in the popularity of mythical beings as romantic partners.

A friend of mine, I'll call her Bella for privacy, was on the app for a bit and her first match was a Lycanthrope. They went for a long walk and afterw...

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Just had a wet dream about my ex

She got hit by a bus and i pissed myself laughing

I had a dream that I attended a college for hippos...

... I love the hippo campus.

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I finally fulfilled a life long dream and had sex with an Asian girl!

It was really good, but two hours later I was horny again....

I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow.

I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.

My wife made up this joke in a dream and woke herself up laughing...

Q: How do you tell the difference between a Golder Retriever and a Dalmatian?

A: You get down on the floor and spin them around real fast. One of them is yellow and the other one is gray.

Grandma's dream finally came true and she went to medical school

As a cadaver

Had a dream about deforestation...

Woke up mourning wood.

What's the difference between dreams and memes?

I haven't given up on my memes yet

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I had a dream that my favourite Porn star died...

...and l wike up with a mourning wood.

Can we fix the American Dream?

No. The warranty expired after one generation.

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the n...

My girlfriend dreamed...

Yesterday my girlfriend dreamed that I was unfaithful, so I cheated on her because I want to fulfill all of her dreams.

I had a dream I turned into a young chicken and had trouble changing back to being a human.

Luckily, I was able to pullet off...

I told my son to believe in his dreams, and my wife got mad.

She is probably just cranky though since we both just got woken up by our son who had a nightmare.

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I had a disturbing dream last night in which I was shagging my best mate up the arse.

I think it's my subconscious telling me he's gay.

What is the sushi chef's dream car?

rolls rice

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Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

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