UPJOKE
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My 9 year old son asked "Daddy... why is mummy called Teresa?"

Me: "Oh, well that's easy! You see, your mummy really really, REALLY loves Easter... Teresa is an anagram of Easter, see?"

Using a pen and paper I showed him once more - Easter....Teresa.

Him: "Wow dad that's SO cool! Thanks dad!!"

Me: "Hey, no problem Alan"

“Hey dad, why is my sisters name Teresa?”

“Your mother named her after her love for Easter, and when you rearrange the letters you get Easter.”

“Alright, thanks dad..”

“No problem Alan!”

confession time

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sur...

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Sister Teresa is walking down to breakfast when she meets another nun walking up.

"Good morning, Sister Assumpta!" says Sister Teresa. "Good morning, Sister Teresa!" says the other. "Did you get out of bed the wrong side this morning?"

Puzzled, Sister Teresa continues on her way to the refectory. "Good morning, Sister Pieta!" she says to the nun serving porridge. "Good mor...

Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!

Two nuns, Sisters Mary and Teresa, are riding their bikes back to the convent from the shops in the old city.

Sister Mary says “Up ahead the road is blocked, but if you follow me, I know another route.”

Sister Teresa dutifully follows the older Sister as they wind their way through the city streets and down an old lane.

“Sister Mary,” asks Sister Teresa, “do you know this route well?”

...

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Mother Teresa lived to 87. Do you know how much sex she had in all those years?

Nun.

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. 
“What’s that there for?” he asks. 
Jesus says “that’s Mother Teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied.”  
“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”  

“Where is Don...

You can't joke about Mother Teresa.

She's untouchable.

Subject: Chemistry Mid-term

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus ...

Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?

“Well son, you see, your mom really likes Easter, and so we used an anagram of that to name your sister.”

“Got it, thanks Dad!”

“No problem, Alan.”



[Just heard this from a colleague, apologies in advance if this is a repost in this sub]

Teresa May is leaving Plenty of Fish

Teresa May is leaving plenty of fish because she just didn't get the man-date she wanted

A man dies and goes to heaven

In heaven, he sees a wall of very large clocks.

He asks the Angel "What are all these clocks for?"

Angel answers "These are lie clocks, every person has one lie clock. Whenever you lie on earth, the clock ticks once."



The man points towards a clock and asks, "Who's clock...

My parents named me and my sister after anagrams of things they love most...

So my sister is Teresa because they love Easter, still not worked out why I'm called Alan.

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Mother Teresa goes to Heaven

Mother Teresa dies and is greeted at the pearly gates by St. Peter. He says, "Welcome my dear. We have a party all set up to welcome you."

"Well, thank you St Peter. But I would really like to see Hell. I've spent my entire life with a fear of Hell and I would like to know what I was afra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sisters

Sister Claire and Sister Teresa are driving down a desert highway when the devil appears on their hood, making threatening gestures.

"Quick," Sister Teresa says, "Show him your cross!"

Sister Claire leans out the window, shouting:

"Piss off you bastard! I'll kick you in the fuck...

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Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

A man dies and goes to heaven....

When he gets to heaven, he runs into Saint Peter. He also sees a bunch of clocks on the wall. “What are all those clocks for?” the man asked. “Well,” said Saint Peter, “Those clocks move every time someone lies, see that clock over there, that one belongs to Mother Teresa. It has never moved. “ “Wel...

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Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen

"Your Queenship, “ he asked her. “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well," replied Her Majesty, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelli...

John passed away, when he woke up, he was at the feet of Saint Peter -

\- with millions of clocks around the room.

Confused, he stood up and asked, "What are the clocks for?"

Saint Peter said to him, "These are the clocks of everyone in the world, they only move when someone lies."

So John goes to one and says, "Why has this one only moved twic...

A man died and went to heaven...

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “what are those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks, everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock wi...

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

A nun gets into a taxi...

A nun gets into a taxi and the driver can't take his eyes off her.

Finally, he says, "Sister, I must tell you something but I don’t want to offend you."

She says, "My son, you won’t offend me. I've heard it all after so many years of being a nun."

"Okay," says the driver, "Well ...

Heavenly Clocks

John arrived at the gates to Heaven, and was greeted there by Saint Peter. Saint Peter tells John: “This is a pretty big place, let me take you on a tour of Heaven”. After a while, John asks: “What are all these clocks hanging everywhere?”. Saint Peter tells him that every person that ever lived has...

(Old and not mine) A man dies and goes to heaven

When he gets there he sees a wall of immeasurable proportions made entirely of clocks with a gate in the center. He sees an angel in front of the gate so he asks

“What do all of these clocks represent?”

To which the angel replies,

“These are the clocks of man, every person tha...

A man dies and goes to heaven.

As he sits in a chair Jesus Christ takes a seat in front of him.


The man is confused because he is also surrounded by clocks


The man asks Jesus “What are all these clocks for???”


Jesus replies “These are lying clocks, the more you lie, everytime you lie, the hand tur...

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a p...

A guy arrives at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter welcomes him and gives him a tour of the main building. One of the room is filled with clocks.
St. Peter explains: "These clocks keep track of every lie someone deceased or still alive has ever made. For example, this is Mother Teresa's clock. The time is exactly midnight 0 minutes 3 se...

John dies and he meets Saint Peter.

Saint Peter: "You were indeed a good man. Come, I will walk you to Heaven."

They started walking through a long hall. On the walls, there were lots and lots of watches. Curious, the man asks:

John: "What's the deal with all these watches?"

Saint Peter: "You see, these are called...

Two nuns are driving down the road...

Suddenly, a vampire jumps on the bonnet.

Nun 1: God in heaven! Teresa, show it your cross!

Nun 2: GET OFF THE BLOODY CAR

A catholic man dies and goes to Heaven, there he learns that "lie clocks" exist for all humans...

A man is greeted by St. Peter, he quickly notices there are many objects that look like clocks attached to the walls.

St. Peter explains that every time a person tells a lie, the hand on their clocks spins just a little faster.

As he walks through the hallway, he sees mother Teresa's c...

Moms favorite things

Kid: "Dad, why did you decide to name my little sister Teresa?"

Dad: "It was your moms idea mainly. She decided that she would name all her children after things she absolutely loved. Teresa is an anagram of the word Easter, and it's your moms favorite holiday."

Kid: "Huh, that makes s...

Jesus is walking around in heaven one day...

Jesus is walking around in heaven one day, checking in on everybody to make sure they're enjoying the place.

He checks in with Mother Teresa and sure enough, there she is in the middle of a party having a grand time with all her friends. So Jesus moves on.

He checks in on Martin Luther...

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