"Hey Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teresa May dies...

Her soul arrives in heaven and she is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says May. ...

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, a man saw a massive wall of clocks.

He asked St Peter “what is with all the clocks?”

St Peter responded, “These are the clocks of lies. Each person has a clock. Every time they lied on Earth the clock moves one tick.”

The man noticed a clock that wasn't moving. "Whose clock is that?" He asked.
St Peter said that wa...

A man dies and goes to heaven

In heaven, he sees a wall of very large clocks.

He asks the Angel "What are all these clocks for?"

Angel answers "These are lie clocks, every person has one lie clock. Whenever you lie on earth, the clock ticks once."



The man points towards a clock and asks, "Who's clock...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother Teresa lived to 87. Do you know how much sex she had in all those years?

Nun.

Hell explained

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by this student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure...

A man died and went to heaven..

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,

"What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said...

Teresa May is leaving Plenty of Fish

Teresa May is leaving plenty of fish because she just didn't get the man-date she wanted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother Teresa is PISSED!

Mother Teresa dies and is on her way up to heaven. She meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and is adorned with a halo. "Come on this way," St. Peter says, "I'll give you the tour." Mother Teresa is taken aback by the beauty of the angels, clouds and fountains. The pair come across a beautiful Prince...

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother Teresa goes to Heaven

Mother Teresa dies and is greeted at the pearly gates by St. Peter. He says, "Welcome my dear. We have a party all set up to welcome you."

"Well, thank you St Peter. But I would really like to see Hell. I've spent my entire life with a fear of Hell and I would like to know what I was afra...

Two nuns are driving down the road...

Suddenly, a vampire jumps on the bonnet.

Nun 1: God in heaven! Teresa, show it your cross!

Nun 2: GET OFF THE BLOODY CAR

(Old and not mine) A man dies and goes to heaven

When he gets there he sees a wall of immeasurable proportions made entirely of clocks with a gate in the center. He sees an angel in front of the gate so he asks

“What do all of these clocks represent?”

To which the angel replies,

“These are the clocks of man, every person tha...

A nun gets into a taxi...

A nun gets into a taxi and the driver can't take his eyes off her.

Finally, he says, "Sister, I must tell you something but I don’t want to offend you."

She says, "My son, you won’t offend me. I've heard it all after so many years of being a nun."

"Okay," says the driver, "Well ...

While visiting England, Trump is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Teresa May and says, "Madam, Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

...

A catholic man dies and goes to Heaven, there he learns that "lie clocks" exist for all humans...

A man is greeted by St. Peter, he quickly notices there are many objects that look like clocks attached to the walls.

St. Peter explains that every time a person tells a lie, the hand on their clocks spins just a little faster.

As he walks through the hallway, he sees mother Teresa's c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen

"Your Queenship, “ he asked her. “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well," replied Her Majesty, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelli...

Moms favorite things

Kid: "Dad, why did you decide to name my little sister Teresa?"

Dad: "It was your moms idea mainly. She decided that she would name all her children after things she absolutely loved. Teresa is an anagram of the word Easter, and it's your moms favorite holiday."

Kid: "Huh, that makes s...

A man dies and goes to heaven.

As he sits in a chair Jesus Christ takes a seat in front of him.


The man is confused because he is also surrounded by clocks


The man asks Jesus “What are all these clocks for???”


Jesus replies “These are lying clocks, the more you lie, everytime you lie, the hand tur...

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a p...

John dies and he meets Saint Peter.

Saint Peter: "You were indeed a good man. Come, I will walk you to Heaven."

They started walking through a long hall. On the walls, there were lots and lots of watches. Curious, the man asks:

John: "What's the deal with all these watches?"

Saint Peter: "You see, these are called...

A guy arrives at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter welcomes him and gives him a tour of the main building. One of the room is filled with clocks.
St. Peter explains: "These clocks keep track of every lie someone deceased or still alive has ever made. For example, this is Mother Teresa's clock. The time is exactly midnight 0 minutes 3 se...

So MotherTeresa is in heaven, but...

she notices that Princess Diana has a bigger halo than her. So Mother Teresa goes to God and asks why Princess Diana has a larger halo. God laughs and responds, "Oh, that's not a halo, that's the steering wheel."

My grandmother told me this joke, all credit to her.

Jesus is walking around in heaven one day...

Jesus is walking around in heaven one day, checking in on everybody to make sure they're enjoying the place.

He checks in with Mother Teresa and sure enough, there she is in the middle of a party having a grand time with all her friends. So Jesus moves on.

He checks in on Martin Luther...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Halo

Mother Teresa passed away and was on her way up to Heaven when she finally met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. He looked at her with such pride and said, "Mother Teresa! Thank you for everything you did for the world. Because of the good you did, I will give you this halo. Only the greatest figures i...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.