Old German Jokes - 13 Hilarious Old German Jokes

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken befor...

An old german fisherman always brought his boat in with perfect lobsters

(Helps if you know a couple of German words).
Two young fisherman admired his skill as they struggled to catch half the quality and quantity he did.

One day the old fisherman came back looking furious and with an empty boat. One of the young men called out "What's the matter, did you say ...

As the old German saying goes:

One's company, two's a Kraut, and three's a Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei.

I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment

He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower.

I once knew an old German soldier who took to caring for sick animals when he retired from the armed forces.

I suppose you could say he was a Veteran Aryan.

A very old German veteran took the bus home after visiting a history museum.

On the bus, he decided to take a quick 10 minute nap.

When he woke up, his shoes were gone.

Surprised, he asked the young lady sitting beside him if she had seen it. She replied in the negative.

After some more minutes of searching around without success, his frustration turned ...

A man takes his grandfather clock in to be repaired….

The repair person in the clock shop is an old German. The man says my grandfather clock only goes tik tik tik tik. They take the clock to the back room of the shop and tie it to a chair. The old man then lights up a cigarette, take a big drag, and blows the smoke in the clocks face. He sets the ciga...

An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the wom...

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Old Dog

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh...

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Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

Just taught my 15 year old German Shepard to play dead! Cocky bastard is trying to set a record too! Been that way for eight hours now...

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan. Their captors take them to a mine field and tell them that if they can escape to the checkpoint on the other side, they are free to go. To do so they offer them each whatever transport they want to cr...

I went to a military history exhibit at a museum in Little Italy.

I saw a cool old German submarine. I walked up to a guy and said, "Hey, is that a U-boat?"

He said, "No, it's-a the museum's!"

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A bar contest goes awry

A businessman from out of town comes across a secluded bar on the outskirts of the city he's visiting, so he stops in for a drink. While at the bar he notices a large a shot glass the size of a water bucket filled with twenty dollar bills. Curious, the man motions for the bartender, "What's the stor...

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