What's an ancient pyramids builders favourite band?

The rolling stones

Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?

Because their Great Igloos melted.

I'm starting a charity to raise awareness of pyramid schemes.

Donate $100 to register as a fundraiser and you'll receive 10% of all donations you raise.

An Egyptian pharaoh hired me to lay flooring at a tomb he was building. He said it wouldn’t pay well at first but as I worked my way to the top I would reap the benefits. it wasn’t quite a pyramid scheme

But it was multi level carpeting.

What's a human pyramid without training?

A human pile.

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Why Did The Couple Have Sex Inside The Pyramids of Egypt?

They wanted to go down in history.

Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"

Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

How many Egyptians can you fit in a pyramid?

A pharaoh mount.

When Cleopatra is aroused, she produces pharaoh-moans.

Unless it’s that time of the month that she’s on her pyramid.

My trip to the Egyptian Pyramids was great!

I saw mummies of cats, dogs, and even donkeys! But I will not talk about the elephant in the tomb.

Never invest in Egyptian archaeology

It's a pyramid scheme

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so my friend hit me up the other day with a pyramid scheme. started out with "hey do You want To be your own boss?"

i replied "no I don't like working for assholes"

What did the professor say when his student asked if pyramids were essentially squares?

Yes, but only up to a point.

Two tourists get lost in a pyramid

As they are wandering about, a man in a suit approaches them.

"Are you lost, gentlemen?" he says. "Would you like to buy a map? Perhaps you can buy more of them so you can sell it to other people."

"Don't trust him," says one tourist to the other, "it's a pyramid scheme."

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A tomb raider goes into a pyramid

She enters the pyramid after hearing that the pharaoh holds a great artifact. She hops and dodges all kinds of traps until she gets caught by a zombie slave.

Slave says: I'm going to make you a slave.

He forces the raider into the slave room where he jumps on her in sexual intent. She ...

Pyramids were not the tallest structures in Egypt...

They were just medium height, between the Pyrahighs, and Pyralows.

Once upon a time on a dig in Egypt...

A few years ago I was in Egypt, on a dig site, not far from the banks of the Nile but out of the way of the Pyramids and Statues you'd associate with the usual "big finds" of the late 19th/early 20th century.

We were looking for a tomb, a new paper had raised interesting questions about a po...

Someone sawed the top off of a pyramid

It was pointless..

Bernie Madoff died today...

Heard his headstone is going to be a giant pyramid.

If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme...

Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have have two dollars AT LEAST. And the guy above me? He’s got tons of dollars.

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

Why do pyramids have horns?

So you can tootandcomein.

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I was gonna fuck this Egyptian chick,..

But she was on her pyramid, so I fucked her mummy instead.

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has just been deported.

Now we don't have Oleg to stand on.

A tour guide at Giza was explaining how the Pyramids were 10,002 years old.

Someone in the crowd asked, "That's oddly specific, are you sure of that date."

"Well, yes, quite sure, I was told they were 10,000 years old when I started working here 2 years ago."

Archaeologist digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in Chocolate and hazelnuts

And believe it to be Pharoaoh Rocher

An ancient aquatic system older than the pyramids has been revealed by the Australian bushfires

Australian scientists are thinking about naming them 'rivers.'

They say it's a mystery how the pyramids were built

But it seems obvious to me - they probably started at the bottom and worked their way up.

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

Who can jump higher than a Pyramid?

Everyone. Because a Pyramid can't jump.

Why is it hard to read the hieroglyphs inside the pyramids?

They are encrypted.

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition.

After some digging, they found a pyramid and a mummy inside it. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come ...

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

I got a new dog... His name is Egypt

because he keeps leaving little pyramids around the house.

How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid?

He died of asphinxiation!

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

TIL Ancient Egyptian pyramids didn't have doorbells, they had horns instead.

You just used to toot and come in.

About 3.000 years ago, lived the Egyptians. In their time, they build the pyramids.

As it should be...
I think, if you're going to build pyramids.
You should do it in your own time.





(Sorry if my English isn't that great, I translated it from my language.)

An old school friend messaged me on Facebook saying I could get rich by selling Egyptian artefacts

Turned out it was just a pyramid scheme

I recently went to an Egyptian business seminar....

I'm telling you though, I swear it was some kind of pyramid scheme man.

So there's apparently been over 200, well preserved tibia excavated in the area surrounding the great pyramid in Egypt...

sources say it was a real shin dig.

Have you guys heard about the drastic effects of erosion on the Great Pyramids?

Yeah, they're kinda pointless now.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

Did you hear the joke about pyramid schemes?

Share this joke 10 times to find out how!

Cleaning up the heavens

God finally gets around to clean up the heavens and finds the commandments. What to do with the old junk? He looks down onto the earth, maybe someone could have a use for them.

He asks the Egyptians. The Pharaoh looks up and says "Dude, sorry, we're busy with our pyramids, no can do."

...

So, I have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist

The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become egyptologists.

As far as I'm concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear about the crack addict that got trapped in a pyramid?

He had to sarcophagi for the drug money

Why did the pharaohs marriage fall apart?

Pyramid Scheme

Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?

He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.

Yes, boss, I know I'm considered essential..

But so are those pyramid scheme oils, and they don't work, either.

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

Why shouldn't you work for an Egyptian company?

They're all pyramid schemes

My friend from Cairo keeps trying to sell me his time share property...

... I think it might be a Pyramid Scheme.

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

Three women have to climb a 1000 step pyramid to get to heaven...

A ginger, a brunette, and a blonde have to climb a 1000 step pyramid to get to heaven. At every step, God tells them a joke, and if they laugh, they go to hell.

The ginger goes first, gets to the 156th step, laughs, and gets sent to hell.

The brunette goes second, gets to the 548th ste...

How did the pharaoh get so rich?

He was running a huge pyramid scheme.

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

How do shady Egyptians make money?

Pyramid schemes.

Mike Tyson in Egypt

So mike Tyson is vacation in Egypt. He is having a great time but slowly begins to run out of things to do. A few days go by and he even grows tired of gawking at the pyramids. He’s searching for something to do! He heads to his local marketplace. There he finds a book on ancient Egyptian hieroglyph...

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How did Pharaoh successfully enslave the Jews?

He created a pyramid scheme

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

While traveling in Giza, a man said he’d take me on a tour if I paid him $300. I did and then he immediately ran away, never to be seen again.

I’m starting to think I fell for a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear about the blueprints for Giza?

Don’t trust them. All looks like one big pyramid scheme to me.

What's the most commonly used type of fraud in Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

Who lives in Egypt?

Mommy



\*Credit: my 5 yr old after learning about pyramids at school\*

Why did the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

I was offered the chance to buy some real estate in Egypt's Valley of the Kings

but it turned out to be just a pyramid selling scheme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My best friend said I'm overly analytical.

At least, I think he's my best friend. Judging by how he's been acting as of late though, I may in fact, be wrong. It's hard to imagine myself without him because, Jesus Christ, he's such a good guy. Honest and everything. But recently I get the impression that he's, I dunno, found people that are b...

Tutankhamen: If you find ten guys to help, I'll cut you in on a slice of the treasure

Slave: This sounds like a pyramid scheme

Tutankhamen: A what?

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A scientist, mathematician, and logician are in a car.

A scientist, mathematician, and logician are in the car. They crash and die. The three men appear in heaven on front of St. Peter and Satan. "Gentlemen," Satan began, "Now that Heaven is overcrowded, St. Peter has allowed to limit the amount of people entering. You may ask me a question; if I answer...

A man and his wife are touring Egypt.

While looking at the pyramids, a local merchant calls them over. He offers the man 100 camels in exchange for his wife. The man takes a few minutes, but ultimately refuses the offer and the two go on their way. A bit later the man's wife asks him, "What took you so long to say no?". The man replies,...

Landed a job a few weeks ago as an archeologist excavating tombs in Egypt. But when I went in for work, they just had me go and recruit more archeologists.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme

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Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

Aliens suckered humans into making mass temples

It was the first pyramid scheme

Why was Cleopatra angry?

She was on her pyramid.

Stolen from Whose Line Is It Anyway.

You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education.

I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain.

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Why were the Nazi's so unhealthy?

Instead of a food pyramid, they had a Reichtangle

How did the Egyptians trick their slaves into working so hard?

With a pyramid scheme.

I started investing in Egyptian tourism

Until I realized it was just a pyramid scheme

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Chickens are Illuminati

As of 2011 there is an estimated 19 billion chickens in the world or 3 for every person. What has 3 sides? A triangle. Where can you see triangles? The pyramids. Where are the pyramids? Egypt. What did Egyptians worship? Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are rivals such as chickens and turkeys. When do p...

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LPT: Make sure you properly understand job ads.

* Entry level position = We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
* Experience required = We do not know the first thing about any of this.
* Compensation commensurate with experience = You're still not experienced enough so take this low pay.
* Generous benefits = We will give you ...

My friend tried to sell me a triangular monitor

but I knew it was just a pyramid screen.

An Italian, an Egyptian and a Greek...

...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.

The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph
from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?

The Egyptian and the Greek after st...

I got a call from Egypt today.

They tried to get me involved in a pyramid scheme.

(Credit to my wife for this one)

When was Cleopatra at her most irritable?

When she was on her pyramid.

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