UPJOKE
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How many Egyptians can you fit in a pyramid?

A pharaoh mount.

What's an ancient pyramids builders favourite band?

The rolling stones

Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?

Because their Great Igloos melted.

Why are there pyramids in Egypt?

They were too heavy to steal and put in a British museum.

What do you call someone who jumped off a pyramid?

In denial

What do you call someone who jumped off the Eiffel Tower?

Inseine

How were the pyramids built?

Using a pyramid scheme

Dad jokes rule, peace out.

Got an email asking me to invest in Egyptian architecture.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

Because they are too big to transport to British museums

Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.

What did the pharoah say to the pyramid salesman?

Shut up and take my mummy!

A tour guide at Giza was explaining how the Pyramids were 10,002 years old.

Someone in the crowd asked, "That's oddly specific, are you sure of that date."

"Well, yes, quite sure, I was told they were 10,000 years old when I started working here 2 years ago."

Archeaologists in Egypt have found a mummy in a tomb in the pyramids made of chocolates and hazelnuts

His name: Pharaoh rocher

I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology.

So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.

What's the difference between the Great Pyramid in Egypt and the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas?

Ages of neglect and pillaging have caused one of them to fall into utter disrepair. The other is in Egypt.

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

Why do pyramids have horns?

So you can tootandcomein.

Who can jump higher than a Pyramid?

Everyone. Because a Pyramid can't jump.

They say it's a mystery how the pyramids were built

But it seems obvious to me - they probably started at the bottom and worked their way up.

Why is it hard to read the hieroglyphs inside the pyramids?

They are encrypted.

Pyramids were not the tallest structures in Egypt...

They were just medium height, between the Pyrahighs, and Pyralows.

My trip to the Egyptian Pyramids was great!

I saw mummies of cats, dogs, and even donkeys! But I will not talk about the elephant in the tomb.

Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"

Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has just been deported.

Now we don't have Oleg to stand on.

Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?

To get to the other side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

Two tourists get lost in a pyramid

As they are wandering about, a man in a suit approaches them.

"Are you lost, gentlemen?" he says. "Would you like to buy a map? Perhaps you can buy more of them so you can sell it to other people."

"Don't trust him," says one tourist to the other, "it's a pyramid scheme."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Did The Couple Have Sex Inside The Pyramids of Egypt?

They wanted to go down in history.

What did the professor say when his student asked if pyramids were essentially squares?

Yes, but only up to a point.

So Cleopatra turns to Marc Antony and says…

“Not tonight, dear, I’m on my pyramid.”

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

TIL Ancient Egyptian pyramids didn't have doorbells, they had horns instead.

You just used to toot and come in.

What do you call it when a Pharaoh asks you for money to build a monument?

A pyramid scheme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

so my friend hit me up the other day with a pyramid scheme. started out with "hey do You want To be your own boss?"

i replied "no I don't like working for assholes"

How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid?

He died of asphinxiation!

So there's apparently been over 200, well preserved tibia excavated in the area surrounding the great pyramid in Egypt...

sources say it was a real shin dig.

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition

They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.

...

How did the pharaoh get so rich?

He was running a huge pyramid scheme.

Three women have to climb a 1000 step pyramid to get to heaven...

A ginger, a brunette, and a blonde have to climb a 1000 step pyramid to get to heaven. At every step, God tells them a joke, and if they laugh, they go to hell.

The ginger goes first, gets to the 156th step, laughs, and gets sent to hell.

The brunette goes second, gets to the 548th ste...

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

About 3.000 years ago, lived the Egyptians. In their time, they build the pyramids.

As it should be...
I think, if you're going to build pyramids.
You should do it in your own time.





(Sorry if my English isn't that great, I translated it from my language.)

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passage way, one that is made...

When Cleopatra is aroused, she produces pharaoh-moans.

Unless it’s that time of the month that she’s on her pyramid.

My wife quit her job last year...

To pursue a career in, what I can only assume, is a pyramid scheme. I was worried at first because I don't understand how anyone can make money selling *only* fans, but she raked in 100k last year so I guess she's got a knack for it.

An ancient aquatic system older than the pyramids has been revealed by the Australian bushfires

Australian scientists are thinking about naming them 'rivers.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was gonna fuck this Egyptian chick,..

But she was on her pyramid, so I fucked her mummy instead.

Did you hear about the crack addict that got trapped in a pyramid?

He had to sarcophagi for the drug money

I recently went to an Egyptian business seminar....

I'm telling you though, I swear it was some kind of pyramid scheme man.

Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?

One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.

King Pharaoh: I have a great business opportunity for you...

Israelites: Umm, is this not a pyramid scheme?

I went to egypt for a week

the giza pyramids are quite majestic

but those camel riders are pretty scammy, they would charge you 5 times more money if they recognize you're a tourist

they're running some kind of scheme

*a pyramid scheme*

Bernie Madoff died today...

Heard his headstone is going to be a giant pyramid.

Why shouldn't you work for an Egyptian company?

They're all pyramid schemes

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

My friend from Cairo keeps trying to sell me his time share property...

... I think it might be a Pyramid Scheme.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

So, I have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist

The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become egyptologists.

As far as I'm concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.

An old school friend messaged me on Facebook saying I could get rich by selling Egyptian artefacts

Turned out it was just a pyramid scheme

Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?

He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.

Yes, boss, I know I'm considered essential..

But so are those pyramid scheme oils, and they don't work, either.

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

Have you guys heard about the drastic effects of erosion on the Great Pyramids?

Yeah, they're kinda pointless now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

Did you hear the joke about pyramid schemes?

Share this joke 10 times to find out how!

Why did the pharaohs marriage fall apart?

Pyramid Scheme

What's the most commonly used type of fraud in Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

Cheerleading (cheer-eliting)

Its a pyramid scheme



(Thanks Guinness!)

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

Landed a job a few weeks ago as an archeologist excavating tombs in Egypt. But when I went in for work, they just had me go and recruit more archeologists.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

While traveling in Giza, a man said he’d take me on a tour if I paid him $300. I did and then he immediately ran away, never to be seen again.

I’m starting to think I fell for a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear about the blueprints for Giza?

Don’t trust them. All looks like one big pyramid scheme to me.

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