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Pumps Jokes

I remember when I was a kid and air pumps at gas stations were free, now they cost a quarter

Damn inflation

Sump pumps...

How much sump, could a sump pump pump, if a sump pump could pump sump?

Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station?

It was an April Fuels joke.

I spent 4 hours yesterday in a meeting talking about pumps,

was I ever drained near the end.

Why are Reebok Pumps shoes so expensive?

Inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I went to a gas station and switched the Regular, Plus, and Premium buttons on all the pumps...

April Fuels!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did anybody hear what happened to that guy on the highway?

He pulled up to a gas station to fill up his tank, i guess they were doing maintenance on the pumps and didnt put one back together right, so while he was pumping, the hose popped off the nozzle and started spraying gas all up his arm.

So he went in PISSED. He was cussing, and yelling, eventu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A United States Marine walks into a restroom at the Pentagon to take a leak...

There, at the row of urinals, a Soldier and a Sailor are also relieving themselves. The Marine pulls up to a vacant urinal next to them and gets ready to do his business.

Just then the Soldier finishes up, zips up, and goes over to the sink. He turns on the water and lets it get nice and wa...

Simple Math

I'm at work and go to use the Hand Sanitizer. I put 2 pumps in my hands and rub it in. My boss goes, "Why do you use 2 pumps? You only need 1." to which I reply, "Simple math. You use 1 pump and it kills 99.99% of germs, so if you use 2 pumps, you kill almost 200% of germs!"



XD This c...

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New shoes

A young woman went to the mall with her husband and spotted a pair of designer pumps in the window of an upscale shoe store and began staring, imagining how she'd look wearing them…
The husband looked over and saw her and interrupted, "No chance love, they're way too expensive! ...

Travel Guru

As a travel guru I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you ha...
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