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Psychologists Jokes

What's Psychologists' Favorite Dish?

Freud Rice

My both parents were psychologists...

They gave me mental blocks for Christmas.

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but the lightbulb must really want to change.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two behavioral psychologists have sex.

When they finish, one says to the other, “wow, you really enjoyed that! How was it for me?”

Four psychologists are talking . . .

. . . and one says "all day long we listen to people's guilts and fears, but we have no one to go to with our problems. Why don't we take some time right now and hear each other out?" The other three agree.

The first psychologist confesses "I have an almost uncontrollable desire to kill m...

I’m planning on going to the reverse psychologists convention.

You shouldn’t go. You’d hate it.

What do you call a group of communist psychologists passed out drunk?

A collective unconscious.

What’s a developmental psychologists favorite pick up line?

What’s up, baby?

What Christmas song do psychologists sing the most?

Do you hear what I hear?

What do you call a cruise liner full of psychologists?

A Freudian ship.

Child-psychologists...

Hear touching stories from time to time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why psychologists don't like bondage sex?

-because they only like DSM

What's the difference between psychologists and proctologists?

Phsychologists analyze

Proctologists analize

Psychologists have discovered a new way to see into the minds of those with ADHD

They're calling it AD4K

A man walks into a psychologists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap all over his body.

The psychologist says, “well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know, but times up, we can discuss it at your next session.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two psychologists are talking...

...and the first says, "You know, I experienced a true Freudian slip the other day."

"Really?"

"Yes. I meant to say to my wife, 'You look your best today', but instead it came out 'You look your breast today'"

"I see. I also had a Freudian slip the other day."

"You too? T...

When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now.... I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to ...

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?

“You're fine, how am I?”

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