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Rephrase Jokes

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"

"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."

"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephr...

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Occupation

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?”

“I’m a prostit...

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory

(English is my second language here but I will try to do my best, it is probably funnier in my language- A rephrase is welcomed!)

A scientist and a religious man were debating the evolution theory. The religious man was trying to convince the scientist that facts are more clearer than the sci...

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(NSFW) A horse jocky with a lisp, is going to buy a horse

After being shown around and finding the horse he wants. He asks the man,

"Let me thee its mane."

The man picks him up, and he pets the mane. He sets him back down and he says,

"Ok, ok. Let me thee it's tail."

The man picks him up, and the jocky pets his tail. The man se...

Girl - “Make me cum”

Genie - “You might want to rephrase that”

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A gentleman is wandering around the campus of a school looking for the library...

He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I'm sorry, sir. But at this school we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”

The ...

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The Priests Rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

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Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

A employee calls his boss...

He asks, "Can I have the week of Thanksgiving off this year?"

The boss replies, "Don' you know, it's May?"

The employee rephrases, "Sorry sir, may I have the week of Thanksgiving off this year?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very old joke from a very old book (80's book) in Hebrew I remember to this day (Translated) - insane people in an airplane.

I rephrased it a bit so you could understand it better:
A commercial plane filled with insane people is flying from one place to another.


All of a sudden, the flying crew (Captain & Co-pilot) hears a really big noise from the cabin, and the plane feels like it's shaking.
<...

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BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

Apple’s Hiring Practices

Apple realized they needed new programmers, so they began putting out word that they were seeking experienced workers. Unfortunately, due to the incompatibility between Microsoft and Apple products, they decided is was best to refrain from hiring former Microsoft employees. Their solution to weed th...

A woman walks into IBM and asks to see their best computer

“Here’s the Watson”, says the salesman, “You can ask it any question and it will give you the right answer.

The woman decides to test it out.

“Where’s my father?” She asks Watson

“You’re father is fishing in the coast of Florida” comes the reply.

The woman laughs and t...

Some jokes on Mexicans can be funny,

but a lot of the times they cross the border.

^^^^^OC ^^^^^but ^^^^^rephrased

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A man is discovered dead in a public sauna with his son.

After close examination, the coroner informs the detective that the man apparently died from bleeding profusely from his genitals after they were brutally mutilated. As the little boy was the only person in the room with the man at the time, the son is interviewed by the detective.

"Son, I kn...

Joe walks into a bar (Long)

and sits down. A little further down the bar from him he spies a Frenchman. There have only been people from France in town once or twice before, and so Joe rarely sees them and has never spoken with them. Joe's curiousity gets the best of him, and he hops down several stools to sit next to the m...

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Calculus

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

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