A employee calls his boss...

He asks, "Can I have the week of Thanksgiving off this year?"

The boss replies, "Don' you know, it's May?"

The employee rephrases, "Sorry sir, may I have the week of Thanksgiving off this year?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute's tax files....

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

"Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." Says the accountant.

He gets her name, address etc. And then asks,"What's your occupation?" "I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accou...

Dwayne Johnson opened a restaurant and was the head chef.

He was making stew one day and asked his assistant for help. He said "Can you move the pot back and forth so the aroma of the stew will waft out of the pot easier?" The assistant looked puzzled and Dwayne Johnson rephrased the question.

"Can you rock what the cook is smelling?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grammar Nazi

A visitor to Harvard stopped a student on the Yard and asked, "Can you tell me where the library's at?"

The student replied, "At Harvard, we do not end sentences with prepositions."

The visitor thinks a moment and rephrases his question. "Can you tell me where the library's at, asshole...

Girl - “Make me cum”

Genie - “You might want to rephrase that”

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"

"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."

"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priests rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is discovered dead in a public sauna with his son.

After close examination, the coroner informs the detective that the man apparently died from bleeding profusely from his genitals after they were brutally mutilated. As the little boy was the only person in the room with the man at the time, the son is interviewed by the detective.

"Son, I kn...

A woman walks into IBM and asks to see their best computer

“Here’s the Watson”, says the salesman, “You can ask it any question and it will give you the right answer.

The woman decides to test it out.

“Where’s my father?” She asks Watson

“You’re father is fishing in the coast of Florida” comes the reply.

The woman laughs and t...

Joe walks into a bar (Long)

and sits down. A little further down the bar from him he spies a Frenchman. There have only been people from France in town once or twice before, and so Joe rarely sees them and has never spoken with them. Joe's curiousity gets the best of him, and he hops down several stools to sit next to the m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Calculus

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

Some jokes on Mexicans can be funny,

but a lot of the times they cross the border.

^^^^^OC ^^^^^but ^^^^^rephrased

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