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Pride Jokes

What do you call a group of people waiting to get into a Pride festival?

An LGBT queue

Why did the kelp attend Pride?

Because it was part of the algae-BT community.

Why did the straight buffalo dad march in the pride parade? [OC]

To proudly support his Bison.

What do you call a pride pool party?

Alphabet soup

I keep seeing all these LGBTQ+ Pride signs everywhere.

I ask people what they mean but can never get a straight answer.

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Me: *swallows pride*

Baby lion: holy shit

PRIDE Month is the best month for Goodwill

A lot of clothes are leaving the closet

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I was going to protest the pride parade...

Butt fuck it.

I tried watching LGBT movies to celebrate Pride month

but I need to pay extra for LGBT Plus

Did you hear about the Pride Parade float that fell over?

Apparently it was top-heavy

I'm still confused what Pride Month is all about...

I tried googling for it but couldn't get a straight answer.

Why is the pride lasting an entire month?

I mean it’s one month straight so it doesn’t really make sense…

I completely misunderstood Pride month…

Anyway, who wants to buy 12 lions?

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced. “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired. “What makes you say that?” Bill beamed with pride, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work..."

"Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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These pride of lions is walking down a path in the jungle when one lion licks the

Licks the ass of the lion in front of him. The lion in front says. Hay. What's the deal with licking my ass ? And the second lion says. I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“

I said, “This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

"Proud Boys" should change their name, to avoid being tied to PRIDE events...

... to something like "Reigning Men."

Lowes is celebrating Pride Month ...

I couldn't find a straight board in the whole store.

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Pride Fact: Did you know the Grim Reaper is canonically pansexual?

>!Death comes for us all.!<

No wonder Pride month is in June...

It always comes before the Fall.

People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him

and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday

Now that it's pride month, I finally have the courage to come out as Bi

All bi-myself.

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What Do You Call A Man Who Takes Huge Pride Over The Size Of His Balls ?

Egotesticle

Many consider me a prideful arrogant and foolish man

But of course, who could be more so?

Why is a rainbow the pride flags colors.

Because it’s the first thing you see when the sun comes out.

I knew my dad would start having a rant when I informed him I was going to a pride event.

"You're an impala, they'll eat you", he kept screaming.

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I dumped a girl right after she took me to her home and showed me all her Nazi pride memorabilia

There were a lot of red flags

I was gonna tell a 'hetero' joke for the last day of pride month....

But I couldn't keep a straight face.

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

Pride is like the summer...

It comes before the fall.

I'm just okay during Pride Month.

But just wait until Sloth Month. Or Gluttony Month. That's my time to shine.

When Simba refused to go back to his Pride, you could say he was just

*A whim away*

Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Why did the buffalo farmer go to the pride parade?

He had a bison.

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"It's impossible" said Pride. "It's risky" said Experience. "It's pointless" said Reason. "Give it a try" whispered Heart. (NSFW)

"What the hell is that!" screamed the anus.

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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

An Italian guy is out picking up women in Rome. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive-looking blonde.

They go back to his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So… you finish?”

After a short pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, ...

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I’m so glad that gay-pride month is over

Now I can have sex with women again.

What do you call a straight pride parade?

A traffic jam.

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

What did the lion say to his pride before going to church?

"Let us prey"

Pride month should really be moved to August...

Because pride cometh before the Fall

It can be really hard to swallow your pride

But sometimes a lion is just that hungry

A Jewish man and a Chinese man were talking.

The Chinese man is proudly telling the Jewish man about his heritage. “We can trace our history back for over 3,000 years,” he exclaims with pride!

“We’ll, that’s very impressive,” replies the Jewish man, “but our history goes back for almost 6,000 years!”

The Chinese man, after some c...

A guy goes to confession and tells the priest that he committed all 7 deadly sins in one day.

He says "I was trying to get money together for the perfect house and someone bought it first. I got so angry and envious that I disguised myself as the utilities man and went over while he was at work. I seduced his wife and when she was showering I stole all the cash and jewelry I could find. Then...

I decided to celebrate pride month but I got confused.

What the hell am I going to do with 15 lions?

Ever since they painted the glory holes for Pride, attendance is way up.

Guys keep coming out of the blue!

So the other day I went to a Pride Festival...

I asked where the Greed, Gluttony, Lust, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath Festivals were and they had no clue.

My wife suggested I should read Pride and Prejudice, but I said no.

I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling it’ll try to lecture me.

Fat-Pride movement is the only movement...

Without movement.

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.".

Well . . . you'll love this story..

from a lady called Claire

"My name is Claire..
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his degree on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark...

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The only company to truly care about LGBTQ+ people after pride is PornHub...

...they have a whole section for them all year long

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

Walk with pride lad, walk with pride!

An Irish man went to his first American baseball game. As the first batter made a hit, fans jumped up yelling, "RUN! RUN!"

The Irish man jumped up as well yelling, "Run, laddie! Run laddie!"

The next batter got up and made his hit. The fans again cheered, "RUN! RUN!"

The Irish m...

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

If a group of lions is called pride, what do you call a group of humans?

Prejudice.

A rich old man goes golfing with his friends

And he brings along a gorgeous young lady.

"Well guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride. And for the rest of the afternoon the friends can't take their eyes off the beauty.

After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to order drinks for the group. One of his frie...

National Pride Day should be September 21

September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.

Why is Medusa not invited to Pride?

Because she likes to Stone Gaze

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

I pride myself on knowing the difference between your and you're.

So their you have it.

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

Walk with Pride Laddie

A Scotsman was visiting the U.S. and went to a baseball game. The first batter hit a single and the crowd yelled "Run, run." The second batter hit a double and again the crowd yelled "Run, run."
When the third batter was walked the Scotsman yelled "Run, run Laddie." thinking he was getting t...

I went to a white pride parade the other day.

The floats just kept going around in circles about 200 miles per hour.

Walk with Pride

A man moves from Scotland to the US and attends his first baseball game. After a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run! Run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman  stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent:  "R-r-r-un, yah bloody bahstard.   R-r-run!...

The month after pride month is my other favourite celebration...

Wrath.

I'll never read pride & prejudice

I'm way to good to get into a book that probably goes all preachy on me

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My friend self proclaimed that he is the pride of the class

I replied, "no wonder you're the biggest dick'

this literally just happened, he's speechless and I'm proud of myself

How do you measure pride and accomplishment?

Cents

Why should you always bring money to LBGT pride parades?

Trans-action fees

I just found out Pride is one of the seven sins.

Good thing I'm so amazingly humble.

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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! An...

What do you call allies who color things in rainbows to show support for Pride?

Dye-er Straights!

I think I can say, and say with pride,

that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world!

Mark Twain

What's the name of the ceremony where really prideful Hebrews get circumcised?

The Hu-Bris

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I just watched aggressive sex between a group of people that celebrate pride and individuality in 720p

It was HD LGBTQ BDSM

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A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick....

Auto-cannibalists come off as way too prideful.

They're so full of themselves.

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We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

What do you call a spirit of pride, entitlement, privilege, and arrogance?

An heir elemental.

How does a woman destroy a mans pride with 4 words?

Is it in yet?



How does a man destroy a womans pride with 4 words?

I don't know.

Get a job

A young man in a small town graduates from high school. His father comes to him that evening and tells him “Son, you’re a man now. You need to start contributing to this household. Go get a job.”

The young man is rightfully concerned. Work prospects in his town are slim. The only jobs availab...

Someone ordered a lion statuette for a Pride parade

Apparently there was a mixup at the manufacturer and they only sent the rear half of the lion.

What followed was a catastrophe

Take pride in what you're into, if thats exponents, well...

More power to ya!

A $50 Lesson

A $50 Lesson

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?' ...

Why did the lion cross the road ?

To get to the other pride..

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