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Shame Jokes

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The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality...... “In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”

It's a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore....

Just bought a T.V. and it said, "Built in Antenna".

I don't even know where that is!!

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Shame on you Skippy

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parent's house for dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli cass...

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

Fool me once, Shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me 350,000 times, you're probably a meteorologist

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Last Christmas, I told my 5 year old nephew that pooping in your pants is just an accident and there’s no shame for an accident

But to this day that little fucker keeps teasing me about it.

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

That's a nice sham you've got there. It would be a shame if somebody...

added an e.

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Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, “Aye...

What do you call a biologist that likes to be shamed & humliated in the bedroom?

Biodegradable

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Today is my birthday but it’s a shame that I only get half a minute to celebrate…

Because it’s my 32nd birthday

You should never fat-shame people

They've already got enough on their plate

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

It's a shame that, for all Weird Al's talents, he'll never know the ultimate height of fame

He'll never be parodied by Weird Al.

I hate it when people make all these fat jokes to shame fat people

They have enough on their plate already

You shouldn't fat shame people.

But to be truthful, they won't come running after you.

I don’t want to kink shame Kyle Rittenhouse, but…

…whenever he shoots someone, he gets off.

Please kink shame me

That's my fetish

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The Turks invented sex

and then the Greeks improved it by removing the sheep and adding lubrication.

The Romans perfected it by discovering that you could have it with women too, then the French ruined it by adding misogynistic condescension, and the British made it worse by adding shame; after that, the Americ...

What is a mans greatest shame?

When he runs naked into a wall with a hard on and hits his nose.

My friend shamed me for paying for a hooker...

...I do gotta admit, his mom was expensive.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

It's such a shame when people break up over the phone.

They should try hanging up and trying again.

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When your son told you he was gay, did he bring shame to your family?

No, he brought Shane.

A man walks into a bakery with a 25lb haddock under his arm.

He asks the baker, "do you make fish cakes?".

The slightly confused baker replies that they don't.

"That's a shame", replies the man. "It's his birthday today".

You know what's a shame?

A bus carrying lawyers and politicians going off a cliff and everyone on board dying.

You know what's a damn shame?


There was an empty seat in the back.

It’s a shame that Steven Hawking died

He’s been on a roll since age 21.

Shock me once, shame on you.

Shock me twice, that's just revolting.

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Tough to be Irish

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.

" Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad...

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

It’s a shame coronavirus affects the infirm and elderly most

If it affected idiocy instead there’d be a lot more toilet paper available

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes a...

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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice,

shame on your mother for raising such a little cunt

My girlfriend's dad is so religious that he wouldn't let us sleep together.

It's a real shame, he is pretty attractive.

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What’s the difference between shameful porn and peeing after ages?

One makes you go (sigh... unzip) and the other makes you go (unzip... sigh)

Have you ever heard of the "walk of shame"?

It's when you are redditing on the toilet for so long that your legs fall asleep and you have to walk back the recliner like an octopus.

That’s a nice ham you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if someone...

...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end...

Saved a woman from the shame of prostitution today!

I didn’t pay her.

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There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all...

Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;

The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.

The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.

The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.

The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.

The one who is so sure of himsel...

My girlfriends parents are very religious.

The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

Its a real shame about Bary Chuckle

He always be a British legend to me, and to you.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

All timezones are equal and shouldn't be shamed

Greenwich is just mean

Shame a girl for her breast size and I’ll push you into traffic.

Who’s flat now?

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

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It's such a shame about tomorrow's session on Prophecies

It got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

A young woman, let's call her Emma...

... Loses her arms in a tragic bear accident. After healing, she decides to go get a job. The local church decides to find her some work she can do even without arms. She is hired as the new organ player.

Needless to say, her first day as an organ player goes poorly. She quits in shame.
...

They both have so much in common.It's shame they will never meet each other

The love story of *Parallel Lines* will never begin.....

Confuse two different sayings, shame on you

But teach a man to fish, shame on me for life

I had to go to the doctor's today...

...and he asked me what he said were routine questions...

He asked, "Do you drink?"

I said I do.

He said, "Do you smoke?"

I said a little bit, mainly when I drink.

He leaned in and said, "And do you do drugs?"

I shamefully admitted that, well, yeah, I do....

The shame about ancient Grecian art...

The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

Just a reminder that Irish puns on St. Patrick's Day don't just shame you...

They Seamus all.

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

It's a shame people aren't paid to complain.

If they were, my ex-wife would have enough money to support herself!

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People try to shame me for masturbating.

But I say "I have every right to be on this bus". And they're like " But you're the driver!" And I say back "Shut up lady I get your kids to school on time every day."

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As a child, my wife wanted to become a mechanic for National Express but never followed that dream, which is a shame.

I'd love to see her under a fucking bus.

What is a man's ultimate shame?

When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke

How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?

Chimney Height * Strength of wind

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I’ve been asked to name and shame all those horrible people..

..that have been taking the piss out of me for wearing mittens, but I’m not going to point fingers.

It's a shame that Samsung cancelled production of the Note 7...

but at least they went out with a bang.

It's a real-shame I failed my entry-level idiom class

I came close, but no sugar.

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My brother got fired from his job because he had sex with one of his patients...

its a real shame as he was a great veterinarian

A man has been at the Pub all night drinking

The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door...

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During sex, my girlfriend yelled Hurt me! Hurt me!

So I said, “it’s a real shame Fluffy got run over by that car”

It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community

Not even the mimes are talking

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Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame...

...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came.

In the old days, folks used to say "tisk, tisk" to shame others

Now social media connects us to millions, and allows us to multi-tisk.

I think it's really shameful how people criticize Lance Armstrong for taking drugs, the man won 7 Tour De France's on them.

When I'm on drugs, I can't even *find* my bike.

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