How do you shame a shoe ?

By telling it has no sole

It’s a shame your friend has to be de-atomized today.

He will be mist.

That’s a nice ham you’ve got there, it’d be a shame if someone...

Put it between and S and and E

Have you ever heard of the "walk of shame"?

It's when you are redditing on the toilet for so long that your legs fall asleep and you have to walk back the recliner like an octopus.

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It's such a shame about tomorrow's session on Prophecies

It got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

It's a shame kids are bringing MP5's to school these days

Back in my days, kids only brought MP3's!

I hate it when people make all these fat jokes to shame fat people

They have enough on their plate already

Saved a woman from the shame of prostitution today!

I didn’t pay her.

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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice,

shame on your mother for raising such a little cunt

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

That's a nice sham you've got there. It would be a shame if somebody...

added an e.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

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I’ve been asked to name and shame all those horrible people..

..that have been taking the piss out of me for wearing mittens, but I’m not going to point fingers.

Its a real shame about Bary Chuckle

He always be a British legend to me, and to you.

Paddy and Mick are walking through the woods when they come across a sign that reads, "Tree fellers wanted." Paddy says, "Ah what a shame!"

"If only Seamus was here with us, we all could have applied for that!"

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

It’s a shame that Steven Hawking died

He’s been on a roll since age 21.

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

It's only when you put on some weight, you realize that very few people actually fat-shame.

The majority just fat-ignore.

It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me three times, you probably promised me a good Star Wars game.

My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.

Which is a shame because he is very attractive.

a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"

"it's Haram, Bae"

Confuse two different sayings, shame on you

But teach a man to fish, shame on me for life

It's a real-shame I failed my entry-level idiom class

I came close, but no sugar.

“What's the difference between sin and shame?”

“It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out"

You know what's a shame?

A bus carrying lawyers and politicians going off a cliff and everyone on board dying.

You know what's a damn shame?


There was an empty seat in the back.

Shock me once, shame on you.

Shock me twice, that's just revolting.

It's a shame people aren't paid to complain.

If they were, my ex-wife would have enough money to support herself!

It's a shame that Samsung cancelled production of the Note 7...

but at least they went out with a bang.

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There's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me..."

But there's an even older saying: "Far'uzz Balzekai, enoch di vel marraz; sich bu ma'zz vi kundekarr di terra bra'zz." *Awaken Balzekai, demon lord of the underrealm; serve your master and bring terror upon the mortal world.*

I guess what I'm really trying to say is... does anyone know how to...

Things have become so politically correct, I can't even fat shame myself without looking over my shoulder.

Which i cant.

It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community

Not even the mimes are talking

A man has been at the Pub all night drinking

The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door...

Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke

How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?

Chimney Height * Strength of wind

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Two Italians enter the bus in New York and start very noisy conversation:

" .... 'em come first, then I come, two asses together, I come again, two asses together, then I pee, pee again and I come in the end... "

An old lady nereby can't stand it any longer and says:

" You pigs, what a shame to discuss your disgusting sexual life on public!!!! "

Itali...

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

Its such a shame todays world is so politically correct, you cant even say Black Paint anymore,

Instead you have to say "Leeroy please paint the porch"

Spook me once shame on me. Spook me twice...

That's 2 spooky 4 me.

Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame...

...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came.

It’s a shame the pope has to be surrounded by all that security.

Can't he just learn to keep his hands to himself?

The shame about ancient Grecian art...

The shame about ancient Grecian art is that there are amazing marble sculptures and structures which too often get taken for granite.

In the old days, folks used to say "tisk, tisk" to shame others

Now social media connects us to millions, and allows us to multi-tisk.

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People try to shame me for masturbating.

But I say "I have every right to be on this bus". And they're like " But you're the driver!" And I say back "Shut up lady I get your kids to school on time every day."

It's a shame what happened to the Dolphins's parents......

I can't imagine being an Orfin

You know that feeling of shame, when you put it in the wrong hole? You wonder why it doesn't fit, and when you look down you just get sad.

I'm talking about belts, of course.
What did you think!?

woman pregnant with triplets is shot in the belly 3 times after robbery

she has a healthy pregnancy with no complications and gives birth to 2 girls and a boy. 15 years passes and one of the daughters runs to the mother crying saying that she was peeing and a bullet came. The mother finds this mildly amusing and begins to tell the story that took place 15 years ago. A c...

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Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

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hangs his head in disappointment and shame, knowing he's contracted an STD,

A old man who's been in a nursing home for many years starts bugging the administrator to let him have a weekend pass, to 'sow his last wild oats', he says, before he finally passes on. Every week he asks the same question and every week he's turned down.
Months later there's a change of staff, w...

The priest was walking down the street looking sad.

“What happened?” asked a parishioner.
“I am afraid someone from the parish stole my umbrella.”
“Here’s what you do. Next sermon talk about the Ten Commandments and look around when you quote ‘Thou shall not steal’ and see who bows his head in shame.”

Next week the priest walks happi...

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