It's a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore....

Just bought a T.V. and it said, "Built in Antenna".

I don't even know where that is!!

It's such a shame when people break up over the phone.

They should try hanging up and trying again.

AT AN OPERA, a wife says to her husband, “It’s a shame the person in front of us fell asleep!”

Then her husband grumbles and replies, “That’s not a reason to wake me up!”

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As a child, my wife wanted to become a mechanic for National Express but never followed that dream, which is a shame.

I'd love to see her under a fucking bus.

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

If Pride Flags exist; there must be Shame Flags

Which explains the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy

My friend shamed me for paying for a hooker...

...I do gotta admit, his mom was expensive.

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

What is the similarity between a joke and shame

It's on me

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The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her students on Sexual morality......

“In moments of temptation,” said the speaker to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”



A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: “How do you make it last an hour?”

You should never fat-shame people

They've already got enough on their plate

You shouldn't fat shame people.

But to be truthful, they won't come running after you.

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

A man goed bear hunting for the first time in a long while...

Hiding in the woods he spots a bear through the scope of his hunting rifle. He aims... shoots... and hits the bear!

Excited to hit the bear in one shot he grabs his gear and runs over to where te bear was hit. But to his disappointed, the bear is not there and not a single trace of blood can ...

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What’s the difference between shameful porn and peeing after ages?

One makes you go (sigh... unzip) and the other makes you go (unzip... sigh)

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Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

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Gates of Heaven

4 nuns die in a tragic bus crash.

They find themselves at the gates of heaven, where Peter greets them warmly. "Sisters, to enter into heaven, you must confess a sin." The sisters line up in front of Peter, who is smiling warmly.

The first nun pauses, takes a deep breath, and says "I....

Two Irishmen walked up to a logging company...

Two Irishmen walked up to a logging company, when they saw a poster :

"Tree fellers wanted! We are hiring"

"That's a shame" , said one of the Irishmen , "There's only two of us!

It's a shame Archimedes didn't discover calculus

He was *infinitesmally* close

That’s a nice ham you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if someone...

...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end...

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I've realised that I can speak to the dead

A shame really, since they can't hear me for shit

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There was a rude monkey who always made fun of the a lion.

So there lion always ignored him and pretended the monkey didn't exist. Anyhow one time the monkey came and barraged the lion with insults, while a lioness was watching.

As usual the lion ignored, even though the monkey was on the ground, not even trying to hide.

Angry at the lion, th...

Parallel lines have so much in common

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

It's my special day today but I can't think of any good jokes...

It's a shame, I thought it would be a piece of cake.

My girlfriend recently left me after we had an argument about What is Love

Such a shame, too, she really Haddaway with words.

It’s a shame coronavirus affects the infirm and elderly most

If it affected idiocy instead there’d be a lot more toilet paper available

Sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and many hours of hard work, one of my colleagues was struck off today due to a minor indiscretion....

He slept with one of his patients. Even though they were good friends, he is no longer allowed to work in the profession he has loved all this time. Such a shame as he is a genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet...

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A doctor had sex with his patient and felt an overwhelming amount of guilt about it the next day. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the shame. Once and a while, a voice would reassure him

"Don't worry, I'm sure you're not the only medical practitioner to have sex with their patient."

Then another voice would jump in and bring him back to reality: "you are a sick bastard." It whispered "and a terrible veterinarian."

Shame a girl for her breast size and I’ll push you into traffic.

Who’s flat now?

What is a mans greatest shame?

When he runs naked into a wall with a hard on and hits his nose.

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

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Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, “Aye...

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

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It's a shame Congressman Cummings has died....

I guess he's Congressman Goings now


This way out? Thanks....

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Being accepted into the Baptist church requires a tough test.

The minister meets with three married couples who want to join the Baptist Church. The first couple are retirees from Florida, the second couple are in their early 40s, and the last couple are newlyweds, having been married only 3 weeks. "We have developed a small test for those who want to join, I'...

Paddy and Murphy were walking back from the pub together when they saw a job flyer posted on telegraph pole. It read “Tree-Fellers Wanted”

Paddy turned to Murphy and said “it’s a shame Seamus isn’t here, we’d be perfect for that job”

I hate it when people make all these fat jokes to shame fat people

They have enough on their plate already

Just a reminder that Irish puns on St. Patrick's Day don't just shame you...

They Seamus all.

I think it's really shameful how people criticize Lance Armstrong for taking drugs, the man won 7 Tour De France's on them.

When I'm on drugs, I can't even *find* my bike.

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

I put a winning bet on how long a marriage would last?

....shame it was mine

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A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations...

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

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What are some of the same things you can say while decorating a Christmas tree and while having sex?

"It's a shame we only do it only once a year!"

"It's so goddamn prickly."

"Put the balls on very carefully"

"Enough on this side, turn it around"

"Fake one just doesn't have the smell and feel right."

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

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Another blowjob joke.

I was in the pub with my mates and we started talking about sex. They all started taking the piss out of me because I didn’t know what a ‘blowjob’ was. Later that night, me and the wife started getting frisky and I suddenly found the courage to ask her if she knew what a blowjob was, but she just go...

Jesus and the woman taken in adultery

The crowd is about to stone her, but Jesus steps in front of them and says "Verily, the one who is among you that is without sin may cast the first stone!"

All of them let their hand sink, bow their heads in shame. There suddenly, from the back, a stone comes flying, hitting the woman squarel...

One thing that you shouldn't say to Marie Antoinette

You left my head hanging in shame

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice,

shame on your mother for raising such a little cunt

Going through the loft and found some Xmas presents from last year

A real shame about that dog for the kids...

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BECOMING IRISH

Seven-year-old Mohammad entered his classroom in Dublin on the first day of school..


"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher,
"so from now on you will be known as Mick."

Mohammad returned hom...

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How Italians talk..

There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others w...

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My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Saved a woman from the shame of prostitution today!

I didn’t pay her.

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

Have you ever heard of the "walk of shame"?

It's when you are redditing on the toilet for so long that your legs fall asleep and you have to walk back the recliner like an octopus.

It’s a shame that Steven Hawking died

He’s been on a roll since age 21.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame had died

The priests realized they would need a new person to ring the bells. They decided to hold auditions. After advertising the position in the town center there was a long line of peasants waiting to try out the next day.

One by one the priests called the peasants forward to pull the rope, ring t...

Horse walks into a bar...

Horse walks into a bar, the barman says “why the long face”.

The horse looks disappointed, and says “that’s a shame that I come into this bar expecting to relax but instead get treated with disrespect and stereotyped for my looks in the assumption that I don’t have feelings”.

The barma...

It's a shame kids are bringing MP5's to school these days

Back in my days, kids only brought MP3's!

My wife always said I have the body of a God

Shame it’s Buddha

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A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

All timezones are equal and shouldn't be shamed

Greenwich is just mean

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Death visits Earth one day to claim the life of John the lawyer

Death visits Earth one day to claim the life of John the lawyer. When He enters John's office, John figures out what's going on and starts laughing hysterically. "What's up with the scythe? You look like an out-of-work farmer", he says. Red with embarrassment, Death storms out.

The next day,...

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It's such a shame about tomorrow's session on Prophecies

It got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

A man walks into an elegant restaurant and sits down.

As he bends down to get his wallet he farts loudly with the waitress right behind her. He sits up shamefully and looks for a way to escape the total embarrassment. So he looks at the waitress and shouts, 'Stop that!'. The waitress replies calmly, 'Sure Mister, which way did it go?'

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I’ve been asked to name and shame all those horrible people..

..that have been taking the piss out of me for wearing mittens, but I’m not going to point fingers.

Allegedly John Adams

In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress

a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"

"it's Haram, Bae"

Shock me once, shame on you.

Shock me twice, that's just revolting.

Paddy and Mick are walking through the woods when they come across a sign that reads, "Tree fellers wanted." Paddy says, "Ah what a shame!"

"If only Seamus was here with us, we all could have applied for that!"

You know what's a shame?

A bus carrying lawyers and politicians going off a cliff and everyone on board dying.

You know what's a damn shame?


There was an empty seat in the back.

Its a real shame about Bary Chuckle

He always be a British legend to me, and to you.

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me three times, you probably promised me a good Star Wars game.

Don't shame me for mansplaining.

I have correctile dysfunction.

A man walks into a bar with a fish under his arm...

He asked the barman if they sold any fish cakes. The barman said no and the man pouted. “That’s a shame,” he said, pointing to the fish, “it’s his birthday!”

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

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Kenny the rooster.

A couple saw an Ad for a rooster named Kenny in the paper for 100.00 and got curious. They called the seller and asked why he was so expensive. He said the rooster will fertilize everything he can get ahold of, and was a sure thing. He even talks occasionally. They went to see him.

When t...

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

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It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...

An Asian student's mom was reading the test result

"Why do you only get a B- ?! You bring shame to our family"

"But mom, it is a blood test"

A wife finds a bathtub on her kitchen table.

A wife comes home and finds her husband sitting next to a new bathtub on the kitchen table. Shocked, she asks him where it came from.

“Well,” he says. “I went out today to pick up some tiles for our bathroom. So, I walked around the store, looking for the perfect color, when I saw the perfec...

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