After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BECOMING IRISH

Seven-year-old Mohammad entered his classroom in Dublin on the first day of school..


"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher,
"so from now on you will be known as Mick."

Mohammad returned hom...

It's a shame Congressman Cummings has died....

I guess he's Congressman Goings now


This way out? Thanks....

I think it's really shameful how people criticize Lance Armstrong for taking drugs, the man won 7 Tour De France's on them.

When I'm on drugs, I can't even *find* my bike.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

It’s a shame your friend has to be de-atomized today.

He will be mist.

That’s a nice ham you’ve got there, it’d be a shame if someone...

Put it between and S and and E

So I was driving uber tonight and I picked up a girl from the dorms at a college. She sat in the front and we were chatting when suddenly she sneezed

Now. I didn't realize it while talking, but she had a glass eye, and when she sneezed her glass eye came flying out at me. I caught it, handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. I didn't know what else to say...

So, we rode in silence for the rest of the trip until we got...

Mozart was an amazing musician

It’s a shame he died baroque.

Parallel lines have so much in common

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. ....

A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife and gave her "the look".
Whispering under her breath, the wife says, "No darling, we can't do it here, our kid is watc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A majority of men enjoy sex “doggy style”

Shame that no one has surveyed the dogs

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a female doctor

He is feeling very awkward about it and she notices. She is quick to assure him she is a professional and there is nothing to be ashamed.

“You don’t understand doctor. I’m so ashamed of my body, and the problem is... er... in my lower parts. If you were to laugh, I would die of shame.”
...

I befriended a stone, but it fell into the river

A shame, really. I was attached to that stone.

Saved a woman from the shame of prostitution today!

I didn’t pay her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice,

shame on your mother for raising such a little cunt

Have you ever heard of the "walk of shame"?

It's when you are redditing on the toilet for so long that your legs fall asleep and you have to walk back the recliner like an octopus.

I hate it when people make all these fat jokes to shame fat people

They have enough on their plate already

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

That's a nice sham you've got there. It would be a shame if somebody...

added an e.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

Please select a secret question from the list to help us confirm your identity.

What was your mother's maiden voyage?

What city did you throw up in?

What was the make and model of your first jar?

What was your favorite high school bleacher?

What is your favorite shorts seam?

What street did you jive on when you were 9?

What was your fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to meet elderly married woman

Yes, that's right. Age 50 to 75, and inseparable from her cherished
husband. Someone who treasures intimacy, is energetic, open-minded,
spontaneous, bright, human. Who feels no shame or inhibition around
sexuality, is creative and responsive. Who gives her man tenderness,
stimulation...

Me and my girlfriend recently broke up,

The relationship was great but her dad, he was the issue.

He was a very strict catholic, which meant when ever I’d stay over he wouldn’t let us sleep in the same bed.

Which is a shame because he’s very attractive..

All timezones are equal and shouldn't be shamed

Greenwich is just mean

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

This guy's kid was blind.

So he took it to all manner of doctors and holy people but nobody could help. Eventually he found this witch. And she told him that she can restore sight to the child, but the spell she would cast would kill the father.

The guy resigned himself to death and agreed. The witch cast her voodoo o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bishop has heard a rumor that some of his priests had sexual tentations

He decides to test their will to follow their oath of Chastity.
He summons the 10 priests in the dining room the next morning, asks them to stand in line, takes their pants down and knots a little bell to their d*cks.

He claps his hands and a beautiful blonde woman appears out of the fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's such a shame about tomorrow's session on Prophecies

It got cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a fine Sunday the church was full...

The father was preaching while suddenly a very hot lady with big tits screams "Patrick you Bastard"
In about 20 mins she screams again "Patrick you Bastard"
This goes on through out the whole session and as people were leaving, father approaches the lady and asks her calmly to tell him what wa...

A man has been at the Pub all night drinking

The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Totally didn't steal this from r/iamverysmart

Once, the Oracle of Delphi had declared Socrates to be the wisest man in the world.

In response, Socrates said "Surely I'm not, for there's so much about this world that I don't know. I know not the meaning of life nor truth nor purpose, and so much more. Please, Oracle, let me find the true ...

It’s a shame that Steven Hawking died

He’s been on a roll since age 21.

my girlfriends parents are very religious

the first time I was at their house, her dad told me we weren't allowed to sleep together

It was a bit of a shame he was very attractive

That's a nice ham you have there

It would be a shame if someone put an 'S' in front of it and an 'E' at the end of it.

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.

So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve been asked to name and shame all those horrible people..

..that have been taking the piss out of me for wearing mittens, but I’m not going to point fingers.

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Justice is served

So Donald Trump is finally found guilty for all of his high crimes and misdemeanors. The very fine people of New York have won the privilege to decide his fate. Before his many years in prison the city had declared that, The Donald be put in stocks and chains on display in the middle of 5th Avenue. ...

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

I have a body like a god!

...shame it's Buddha

Paddy and Mick are walking through the woods when they come across a sign that reads, "Tree fellers wanted." Paddy says, "Ah what a shame!"

"If only Seamus was here with us, we all could have applied for that!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Italians enter the bus in New York and start very noisy conversation:

" .... 'em come first, then I come, two asses together, I come again, two asses together, then I pee, pee again and I come in the end... "

An old lady nereby can't stand it any longer and says:

" You pigs, what a shame to discuss your disgusting sexual life on public!!!! "

Itali...

Its a real shame about Bary Chuckle

He always be a British legend to me, and to you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Old Man with the IRS

The Man and the IRS

So an older gentleman received a phone call by the IRS, being notified about large sums of money going in and out of his account. He was told to be at the office first thing Monday morning. He thought to himself “Well if this is what I think it is, I better lawyer up.”
...

A criminal is arrested and sent to jail [LONG]

The criminal had robbed a bank, but refused to tell the police where he stashed the money! Eventually, they give up trying to find it and just throw him in jail.

He gets letters from his wife and writes back, one day she writes; "It's a shame you're locked away. My back has been killing me, b...

A German sneaks into a swiss bank:

"I want to invest one million euros." he whispers.

The banker says: "You can talk aloud, poverty is no shame in Switzerland."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me three times, you probably promised me a good Star Wars game.

I keep telling this joke about the plane that crashed into the twin towers

It's a shame it never lands

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...

Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...

woman pregnant with triplets is shot in the belly 3 times after robbery

she has a healthy pregnancy with no complications and gives birth to 2 girls and a boy. 15 years passes and one of the daughters runs to the mother crying saying that she was peeing and a bullet came. The mother finds this mildly amusing and begins to tell the story that took place 15 years ago. A c...

A man was arrested for stealing cat hairs to make whoopee cushions.

This was a criminal offense in Florida. He was brought before a judge who was a notorious cat lover. The jury consisted of only elderly spinsters. The man's lawyer requested for a different judge and jury, but his request was rejected. The court found the man "extremely guilty and a possible dog lov...

I was at a small hotel in Madrid, feeling a bit sick, they surprisingly had a doctor there who had some over the counter medicine handy, I asked how a hotel this small had a doctor available

He said “quite a shame, nobody expects the Spanish inn physician”

a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"

"it's Haram, Bae"

Adam and Eve

Adam bit the apple and feeling great shame, covered himself with a fig leaf. Eve too, felt shame and covered herself with a fig leaf. Then she went behind a bush to try on a maple leaf, a sycamore, and an oak.

You know what's a shame?

A bus carrying lawyers and politicians going off a cliff and everyone on board dying.

You know what's a damn shame?


There was an empty seat in the back.

It's a real-shame I failed my entry-level idiom class

I came close, but no sugar.

Shock me once, shame on you.

Shock me twice, that's just revolting.

Confuse two different sayings, shame on you

But teach a man to fish, shame on me for life

“What's the difference between sin and shame?”

“It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out"

It's a shame that Samsung cancelled production of the Note 7...

but at least they went out with a bang.

It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community

Not even the mimes are talking

It's a shame people aren't paid to complain.

If they were, my ex-wife would have enough money to support herself!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man who was born with three testicles

Was extremely proud and conceited with what he regarded as the equivalent of winning the genetic lottery, in an act to flaunt and put to shame others he would sit regularly outside of his house and ask each passerby.

Man: do you know the sum of your balls and mine.
Passerby (perplexed) : w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me..."

But there's an even older saying: "Far'uzz Balzekai, enoch di vel marraz; sich bu ma'zz vi kundekarr di terra bra'zz." *Awaken Balzekai, demon lord of the underrealm; serve your master and bring terror upon the mortal world.*

I guess what I'm really trying to say is... does anyone know how to...

What's the difference between shame and pride?

It depends on where I draw the line.

Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke

How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?

Chimney Height * Strength of wind

A woman is caught cheating on her husband...

Her son walks in from school, with her husband close behind. Thinking fast, she shoves her lover and the boy into the closet, then begins casually talking to the husband.

" It sure is dark in here... It'd be a shame if I were to... Scream." Whispers the boy slyly.

" Please don't tell...

Things have become so politically correct, I can't even fat shame myself without looking over my shoulder.

Which i cant.

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame...

...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came.

A man is standing in a bread line in Soviet Russia.

He is mumbling to himself. "No bread, no milk, no meat, what a shame". Two policemen walking the beat hearing his mumbling walk up to him, and say:

"Citizen, if you said that 40 years ago you'd be shot, so just shut up and stand in line like everybody else"

As the policemen leave, the ...

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