I joined ISIS to help my self esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me “You’re the bomb.”

My girlfriend got sick of my self esteem issues and ran off with my best friend.

The worst part is they were both imaginary.

Lately my self esteem has been so low...

Even in the shower I sing backup vocals.

I was in the car with my family, talking about self esteem...

My 6 six year old daughter says... "daddy, what happens when you look in the mirror and you're ugly?" I'm immediately concerned and ask her "sweety, did someone say something mean to you? you are beautiful". She quickly replies, "no daddy, I was talking about you."

Did you hear about the marble statue with low self esteem?

She was taken for granite

I was gonna try taking some steps to boost my self esteem...

But to be perfectly honest, I don't think I deserve it.

The athiest lost a lot of self esteem when someone said he looked just like Jesus.

He just didn't believe in himself anymore.





(Reposted because the first time I put "Jessus" and that just makes it seem like an atheist lost his confidence because someone said he looked like a mexican and that just doesn't make sense)

I have such low self esteem

When I take a shower I realize how people missed opportunities to cleverly insult me

My psychiatrist said that I have too much self esteem.

I think he's very wrong.

Edit: thank you for the gold kind stranger.

Edit: thank you for the titanium kind stranger

Edit: oh my God I can't believe I got a ternion all powerful!

Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?

They're constantly comparing their self to other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My self esteem is the size of my penis

I’m a girl

(Sorry if this joke was used somewhere before, I’m fairly new to Reddit)

My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem...

They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!

Me: So do you like guys with low self esteem?

Girl: Of course, yes, I do

Me: Please don't lie to make me feel better

What are 4 words that can ruin a man's self esteem?

"Is it in yet?"

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

Which of our organ systems have the lowest self esteem?

The nervous system

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you ar...

i wrote this as a kid: Why did Jesus have low self esteem

He was Jewish. He didn’t believe in himself.

How low is my self esteem?

Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.

Everyone says that my low self esteem looks bad on me...

I agree.

My friend from the Middle East has really low self esteem.

Thus I was not surprised to find out that she was a Qatar.

My girlfriend left me because of my low self esteem

I probably deserved it, though

My self esteem is so low....

The other night my hand told me that it had a headache.

Johnny was a bright, charming boy

and he was even fairly good-looking. The only problem was that he had lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. They were too poor to afford a glass eye, so his father made him a wooden one.

He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self e...

What sits in front of the mirror and gets smaller and smaller?

My self esteem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Roman Soldiers are standing guard...

In an attempt to make conversation, guard 1 makes a suggestion:

1: What if we had a word to describe people who haven’t had sex? What would it be?

2: Why would you think that!? It’s an arbitrary category and could make people uncomfortable. Think about their self esteem!

1: Calm...

Galileo stated that everything falls at the same speed, however this is not true

My self esteem falls pretty fast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I went to the movies with my boyfriend...

It was our 3rd date and the theatre was mostly empty. So we decided to spice it up a little. He poked a hole through the underside of the popcorn bucket and put his wang through it. We thought it would be funny to jerk him off through the popcorn. But unfortunately I couldn't get him to come through...

Your Momma is so ugly...

It effects her self esteem.

Posting a joke on a Reddit is like going in a bar.

Sometimes you get lucky, but most of the time you just lose your self esteem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my girlfriend turns to me...

she says "do you think I'm pretty?" I think about it and say "You're definitely a 6". For some reason she gets offended and starts ranting about how I'm an asshole and that she's been battling with low self esteem. I tried to explain that 6 is perfect, but she was never one to appreciate number theo...

The Man With the Wooden Eye

So, there was this guy with a wooden eye who was having some self esteem issues. In an effort to get out of the rut he was in, he decided to shake things up and go to a local dance in hopes of getting his confidence back. There he saw a woman with very pronounced buck teeth, and figuring she would...

To the people that think they're better than me

How did you overcome your self esteem issues?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stuttering man visits his doctor

A man visited his doctor because he had a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consulted with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady had to walk to work one day...

....which meant she had to walk past a new pet store.

As she passed it a huge parrot on display in the front window squawked out to her

"HEY LADY! You are SURE AS UGLY!"

The woman was offended and mortified but continued her way.

At the end of the day she passed it again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies With typewriters ...

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
____________________________________________...

At the mental health clinic.

A fresh patient arrives and is being guided around by a staff member.


"This right here is John" sais the staffer "he is a paranoid delusional"


"Oh dear!" speaks the newbie "do you really think they are out to get you?"


"No!" shrieks John, tears running down his eyes,...

Buddy, those pills you're taking, are they for your face?

No, they're for my low self esteem.. So you're not taking anything for your face?


(Courtesy of C&H)

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