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Envy Jokes

Why is Mando the envy of all the street racers?

He has the beskar around.

I envy tall people.

They sleep longer.

Saw this new variety of apple called Envy.

Man, I wish I could have some of those.

“Now son, I don’t want you to envy Emily, but...”

Nvm

You know why I envy the garbage?

Because it goes out way more then me.

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A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

What did the math book say to the literature book?

I envy you, you’re so full of stories and I’ll I’ve got is problems

So the other day I went to a Pride Festival...

I asked where the Greed, Gluttony, Lust, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath Festivals were and they had no clue.

US democracy is the envy of the world...

It is the greatest that money can buy.

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A psychology professor at an esteemed university decided to have a costume party for his birthday.

Every student was invited but would only be let in if they were dressed as an emotion. This confused but intrigued his class as they were all very astute and eager to party.

The night of the party arrived and the first guest came dressed in all red.

"What emotion are you?" the professo...

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Emotions

Three guys are walking down the street in Manhattan when they spot a party. They knock on the door and are turned away because they don’t have costumes. As they walk away one of them spots a can of red paint in an alley, he pours it all over himself, goes back and says “I’m red, red with anger” and ...

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My girlfriend is upset that there’s no female equivalent of a “justice boner.”

I think she’s suffering from subpoenas envy.

Did you know that the seven main characters on SpongeBob SquarePants represent the seven deadly sins?

SpongeBob:

Patrick:

Squidward:

Sandy:

Plankton:

Gary:

Mr. Krabs: Lust, sloth, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and greed

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The costume party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!", and lets her in.

Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of ...

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Halloween Party

Frank decided to have a Halloween party and asked everyone has to come as an emotion. On the night of the party there was a knock on the door.

Frank opened the door to see John dressed in all blue. Frank asked what is he dressed as and John answered he’s blue with sadness. Frank said great...

Doc I’m afraid of random letters

Doc: you are?

Me: *jumps out of seat

Doc: okay why?

Me: *opens door

Doc: you are a cutie. I envy you

Me: *dies of heart attack

I am extremely jealous of anyone who can play the piano very well.

I guess you could say I am suffering from a case of pianist envy.

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Three Men are sleeping in a hotel bed. (NSFW)

When they finally wake up, they start talking about the dreams they had.

The one on the left says: “Guys, you’re never gonna believe this, I just had the dream of a lifetime! I received an amazing handjob. It was like it was being done by a professional!”

The guy on the right chimes i...

Dude is getting ready for prom night

He thinks to himself; "I'm gonna need to make this night perfect so I can get laid!".

He thinks about what he'll need. "I'll need a perfectly fitted tuxedo so I look good so I can get laid!" So he goes to the tailor and sees an incredibly long line. It's prom day so he's not the only one thin...

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

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The seven shittiest Sins

Greed: I want shit
Envy: I want your shit
Wrath: I'm going to wreck your shit
Lust: I'm into some freaky shit
Gluttony: This is some tasty shit
Sloth: I don't feel like doing shit
Pride: I am the shit

P.s : Not mine. I saw it today on 9gag

Materialism

A Wall Street broker parked his brand new Lamborghini on the street at the front of his office so that all of his coworkers could see it and envy him. As he was opening the door, a cab flew by, clipped the door, and then kept going. The broker sat there for a moment in shock, staring through his w...

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Costume party

The hostess sends out an invitation for a costume party: "Come dressed as an emotion!"

The first guest shows up wearing a pink lycra costume with just some tassels around the private parts. The hostess asks : "What emotion are you?" The guest replies : "I'm tickled pink!"

The second ...

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Two drunks walk out out of a bar

they both see a dog licking his asshole. One drunk looks on in envy and says "I wish i could do that". The other drunk says "You better not he bites".

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A Mexican man is throwing a Halloween party...

The only requirement was to come dressed as an emotion.

On the night of the party, Juan was the first to arrive. The host opens the door to see Juan dressed in all red. "Juan what are you doing? You were supposed to come dressed as an emotion!"
"I have" said Juan, "I'm red hot passion"...

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So there's this party where everyone has to come dresses as an emotion...

...one guy comes in all black - sadness. Another in all yellow - fear, and another in green - envy. Then the host answers the door to see two guys standing there, butt-naked, except one of them has a pear on the end of his dick, and the other had a can of custard on his dick.
"What the hell are ...

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A man hosts a dress-up party, where the theme is you have to come dressed as a mood...

...on the night of the party, the man is at the front door greeting his guests and asking them what mood they were dressed as.

A couple of women arrived all dressed in green saying "we're green with envy".

A trio of men turned up dressed in red saying "we're red with rage".

More...

I found this short, thin stick covered with flammable chemical at one end.

I rubbed it firmly against a rough surface. Suddenly I felt completeness and purpose in life. All the negative feelings such as bitterness and hate melted away. I started to see divine beauty around me and I was able to forgive everything. My mind was still. As I looked around me, I noticed there wa...

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If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

A boy says to his mother:

"Mom, everybody calls me "big head" in school!"
"Don't worry, son. They call you that because they envy you. Now do me a favor. Go to the grocery store and bring me an watermelon and two pineapples."
The boy asks his mother:
"Should I bring a bag?"
"No need. You can use your hat."

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Role Playing

So a guy says to his Polish friend, "I really envy you. You've been married for over ten years, and you still get along great with your wife. How do you do it?"

"Role playing," says the Polack.

"What do you mean, 'role playing?'" asks his friend.

"Well," says the Polack, "someti...

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Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

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A guy moves into a new apartment building...

He decides to host a party to get to know his neighbours. Being the sort of person who liked to do things a little differently he throws a costume party but with a unique theme. Every guest must turn up dressed up as an emotion.

The big night finally arrives and our host is feeling nervous. W...

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A child and his mother go on holiday to the Vatican.

Dressed in his Tottenham shirt, Johnny excitedly awaits meeting the pope. In front of a cheering crowd, the Pope waves regally from his Pope-mobile, and Johnny clamours to the front in the hope of shaking his hand.

Alas, the Pope drives past him, and only inches ahead, stops instead next to ...

Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

The party invitation says to come dressed as an emotion. After a day of deliberating, they all agree to meet at Sven’s place before going to the party. Just before Sven is about to put his costume on, there’s a knock on the door. Outside is his girlfriend, Hilda, who’s dressed head to toe in bright ...

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A therapist is throwing a costume party for all of her patients.

She tells them to show up as an emotion. The first person knocks on the door. The Dr. opens the door and sees a man dressed in green clothes from head to toe. "You must be green with 'ENVY', come on in." 5 minutes later another knock. As she opens the door there is a woman dressed entirely in yellow...

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Fancy dress party

A factory hired two new <insert ethnic minority here> employees.
At lunchtime the HR dept officer tells them about the factory annual fancy-dress party that just happens to be on Saturday night.
"now guys, this'll be a great way to bond with your new co-workers, we are having a costume...

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So there's two guys from Brooklyn.

Two guys from Brooklyn attend a special party in Manhattan. It's a costume party where you are supposed to come dressed up as your emotion. So this guy is dressed in all red because he's angry. Another dude is green, with envy, etc.

So the two guys from Brooklyn walk in. One of them is comple...

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A guy was hosting an "emotion" party for all of his friends.

In the invitation for the party he said that all of his friends should arrive in different outfits that depict different emotions.Everything was normal when some people showed up wearing green for envy, or red for anger. Suddenly two men he had never seen before strutted in completely naked except f...

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Three Guys Go to a House Party

The host tells them beforehand, "it's an costume party, you need to come dressed as an emotion." They all agree. The first guy shows up, dressed in all red, the host asks "what are you supposed to be?" "I'm red with anger." The party-goer replied "Go ahead." The second guy shows up in all green, "wh...

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