A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down.

A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he asked.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sit...

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An old man sitting on his porch sees a boy walking down the street with several rolls of duck tape. The old man says "BOY! WHATCHU DOING WITH ALL THAT DUCK TAPE"

The boy says "well old man I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old man says: "Boy you ain't gonna catch no ducks with no duck tape!"
The boy keeps walking and says "yeah we will see old man"
Later the boy walks by again with a bundle of ducks wrapped up in the tape and the old man says "B...

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Grandpa and Grandson are on the porch (Long)

Grandpa and grandson are on the porch. The grandpa is smoking a cigar. The grandson asks “ Grandpa, can I have a puff of your cigar?”

Grandpa replies “Well does your dick touch your asshole?”

The grandson is confused but replies “No.”

“Well then you can’t have a puff!”

...

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A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler.

The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?" The Grandpa replied, "Does your dick touch your asshole?” The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you're not old enough to have a beer."

A little later the grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I ...

How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

Two old women are sitting on a porch smoking cigarettes.

Ask they are smoking, it begins to rain. The first woman's cigarette gets wet, and goes out. As she looks to her friend, she sees something fascinating unfold.

Her friend has brought out a condom and a pair of small sewing scissors. She unrolls the condom, cuts off the end of it, and slips it...

If you have to cut your own hair during this pandemic, do it on the porch.

The haircut will still look terrible, but cleanup is a breeze.

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Old man’s sitting on a porch when he sees a young man walk by, dragging something behind him

Old man says, “What you got there?” and the young man replies, “Chickenwire.” Old man asks , “What’re you doing with chickenwire?” Young man replies “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says “You ain’t catching no chickens with chickenwire.

Sure enough, later that eve...

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A farmer and his drinking buddy are sitting on the porch...

It's a hot day, and both men are having a beer while boredly watching the farmer's hound dog lick his balls.
**Drinking buddy**: He he. Ya know, I wish I could do that, I'd have a whole lot of fun...


**Farmer**: Oh yeah? You go ahead and try, I bet he bites the shit out of you.

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Two guys and a dog are sitting on the porch.

One looks over and sees the dog licking his balls and says, "I wish I could do that."

Second guy turns and says, "You might wanna pet him first."

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An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"  Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."  Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"  Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."  Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"  Boy just laughs and keeps walking.  That evening at suns...

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An old married couple were sitting on the porch enjoying the sunset.

The old woman suddenly turned to her husband and smacked him across his face.

The old man was shocked. "Now why the hell you'd do that for, Ethel?"

"That was for forty years of bad sex," she said smugly.


A couple minutes passed and then the old man turned to his wife and sla...

A man and a woman are sitting on a porch drinking a beer.

The man says "I love you."

The woman says "Is that you or the beer talking?"

The man replies "That's me talking to the beer!"

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A very old man was sitting on his porch when he notices a small boy walking past. "Whatcha got there, sonny?" Asks the old man. "Cat wire." Replies the youngster. "Gona catch me some cats!" The old man starts laughing hysterically.

But sure enough, 3 hours later, the boy walks past the old man's place with a sack full of cats.

Two days later the old man sees the boy again.
"Whatcha carrying there, boy?" He asks.
"Duct tape. Gona catch me some ducks!" Replies the youngster.
Well the old man laughs even harde...

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Bubba and Clem kicking back on their porch ...

Bubba and Clem kicking back on their porch, wearing their overalls, chewing on a piece of grass.

Bubba: "Hey Clem, y'all 'member that Farmer's Daughter from lass week?"

Clem: "Ye-up", as a smile crosses his face.

Bubba: "Clem, you really care if'n she gets all pregnant?"
...

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

A Blonde girl is going door to door trying to earn money for college.

She comes to one guy's house and rings the doorbell.

"Yes?" the man answers.

"Hi there!" greets the blonde happily. "I'm trying to earn money for college. Do you have any jobs around the house you need done?"

The guy smiles. "Sorry, sweetheart, not really. I was gonna paint th...

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There’s an old man sitting on his front porch when

A young boy comes walking down the road carrying something, The old man interested says “What you got there son?” The young boy says “I got me some chicken wire.” The old man puzzled says “What you gonna do with that.” The boy says “I’ma catch me some chickens.” The old man chuckles and says “You do...

Every day after waking up, I find that someone dumped a bunch of LEGOs on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly ...

My friends said they'd pick me up for the drive by so I strapped up and waited for them on the porch...

They yelled, its Karen's birthday we have signs and balloons for you why the f*** do you have a gun??

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After the death of her husband, a woman puts a sign on her front porch...

The sign states that any man who: 1. Will treat her nicely, 2. Won't leave her, and 3. Who is good in bed can stay with her. A few days later, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find a man in a wheelchair with no arms and legs. He says, "I'm here regarding the sign on your front porch. As you ca...

Two communists are sitting on a porch in a nudist colony. One says "Have you read Marx" ?

The other says "Yes, I think it's these wicker chairs"

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An old man was sitting on his porch

when he sees a boy ride his bike down the street with rolls of Duct tape hanging from the handle bars. Curious he asks the boy " Hey Boy, what ya doing with all that Duct Tape????" To which the boy responds " I'm going to catch me some DUCKS!" The old man doesn't think anything of it but than a few ...

A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?”


“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise.”


“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old a...

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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, “I love you.”

The husband says, “Is that you or the wine talking?”



The wife replies, “It’s me, talking to the wine.”

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A Man Comes Home To His Apartment To Find His Wife In Bed, Naked

Now, he's already suspected her of cheating for some time, and coming home to see his wife naked in her bed set him off like a bull.

"WHERE IS THAT FUCKER!!!!" He shouts at her, wildly scrambling around the room, looking in every hiding spot his mind can think of.

He suddenly runs out ...

A great scientist invents a machine to split the pain of birth between a couple...

He finds a couple who just went into labour, and asks them if he can use the machine on them, as a test.

The couple agrees, and the husband says "We can split it 50 - 50, its only fair". So the scientist turns the machine up to 50%, just as the baby begins coming out, and the women starts gro...

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An older gentleman is sitting on his porch one morning drinking his morning coffee

He lives across the street from a cemetery, and because he is retired he gets to see a lot of funeral processions go by as he drinks his coffee. However, todays procession was different than the others. There were two hearses with a man walking his dog behind the second hearse, and about 100 other m...

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

“Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really, really rich.” ***POOF*** her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

She smiles and says, “Gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.” ***POOF*** she turns into a beautiful young woman.

“Your third wish...

A wealthy man had a homeless man come to his door begging for money.

The man said I'm glad to help, but its healthy to work for your money. I've got a porch out back that needs painting. All the painting supplies are ready in the garage. If you paint the porch, I'll pay you $300. The homeless man agrees and heads to the back. About four hours later he goes to the fro...

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50

Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.

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Pedro was sexually a very experienced man...

Pedro was sexually a very experienced man when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive.

On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, "Pedro! What is that?"

Pedro, a quick thinker, said, "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these."
...

A Boy Named Meaty

There once was a boy named Meaty. He was wrong about everything. In school his teacher would ask "Meaty, what's 1+1?" Meaty would answer, "11!" The teacher would respond, "Meaty, you're wrong." But Meaty didn't give up easily. He always raised his hand and gave his best answer, and his teachers woul...

What's Irish and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'furniture

(Shanelessly stolen off a sign in College Station, TX)

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Old man is sitting on his porch when he sees little johnny walking down the street with a wagon full of tape...

Old man is sitting on his porch when he sees little johnny walking down the street with a wagon full of tape. He thinks and then screams out, "HEY KID!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT DUCT TAPE?!!!".

Johnny responds back, "I'm going to go catch some ducks"

The man, puzzled says, "You c...

Someone stole my porch window , I called the police

They said they would look into it

My grandfather's pig joke

A man decides to visit his friend who lives on a farm, and while they're having a beer on the porch, a pig with only three legs walks by. So he asks his friend, "Why does that pig only have three legs?"

The farmer gets excited and says, "That pig? Oh, let me tell you about that pig. Such a wo...

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I was making an awning for my porch and when I cut the posts one of them seemed off. When I went to look at it, it yelled “BITCHHHH”

I think it was Too Short.

A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

A man in a suit approaches the farmer, greets him warmly, and the farmer greets him in turn. The man notices the dog lying at the farmer's feet and smiles at the pooch.

"Can I talk to your dog?" The man asks. The farmer gives him an odd look but shrugs.

"Dog don't talk, but whatever...

A guy goes door to door looking for work. One homeowner hands him a brush and a can of paint and offers him $150 to paint his porch.

A few hours later, the guy comes back to the homeowner and says, "I'm finished. But you should know that your car's a Ferrari, not a Porsche."

What do you call a man standing on your front porch?

Mat

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Two hillbillys are sitting on the porch in rocking chairs.

The 1st hillbilly says "I'M BORED'....

So the second hillbilly says.. "I'll tell you whut....I'm gonna think of something... but I'm not gonna tell you what I'm thinkin...and then you get to ask me Three questions... then after three questions....you gotta guess what I'm thinkin'...."
...

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Dirtiest joke on The Tonight Show (SFW)

Alan King was on The Tonight Show and told Johnny Carson that he was going to tell the dirtiest joke ever told on network TV and the censors wouldn’t bleep a single word. This was many years ago, so I’ve likely changed a few minor details.

Jim was a successful stockbroker, but finally grew w...

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Joseph broke some glass.

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the porch out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, bu...

Two men head back after a day of hunting.

As they get close to their cabin, they see a bloodhound on the porch obviously enjoying licking his genitals. The first man says. “I wish I could do that!” The second man says, “Go ahead, it’s your dog!”

A farmer was sitting on his porch late one evening.

He noticed his neighbor walking up his driveway carrying two of his chickens. His neighbor tells him that they were in his yard and they must have gotten out through a hole in the fence.

The neighbor tells the farmer that since it's so late that he will walk the fence line with him and help ...

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HAR...

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[NSFW] [Long] A man is sitting on his front porch when he notices two guys walking down the street holding duct tape.

He calls out to the men, "Hey what are you doing with that duct tape?" They respond, "Catching ducks." The old man rolls his eyes thinking there is no way they will catch anything. Later that afternoon the two men come by again with a couple of ducks.

The next day the old man sees the two guy...

A dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks...

The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."

As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs.

As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man...

(My first joke)A cat kept taking a pee on the steps to my porch. So i call my father-in-law and ask him how to get rid of it,

He says "dig a 2 foot deep hole, fill it half way with ash. Get a can of pees and put some around the freshly dug hole. When the cat comes to take a pee, kick it in the ash-hole"

Go easy on me i loled when i was told this a few years back.

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A retiree is sitting on his porch one afternoon, when little Johnny walks by...

...pulling his little red wagon, loaded with a whole bunch of wire, behind him.

"Hey Johnny, " calls the retiree. "Whatcha got in the wagon?"

"Chicken wire, " says little Johnny.

"Whatcha gonna do with that, Johnny?" asks the retiree.

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens!" s...

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Oh my, how nice.

Two elderly southern ladies are sitting on the front porch enjoying the day.

The first lady (FL) says: On my first anniversary my husband bought me a diamond ring

The second lady (SL) says: Oh my, how nice.

FL: On my fifth anniversary my husband bought me a Cadillac.

S...

One day, a blonde was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and wanted to prove herself

So she began going door to door to see if there was any type of work that she could do.

She arrived at this wealthy family home where she knocked on the door and a man answered. “Hi. I’m tired of being called blonde and being told that I’m dumb. Is there any job that I can do to prove my wor...

My mom just got remarried and invited me over to meet her new husband.

When I got to her house, I found a strange man laying on the stairs to her porch. He looked up at me, grinned, and held out his hand. "Hi, I'm your new *step-*father."

Jessica and Katie were sitting and chatting on Katie's porch one Friday afternoon...

Jessica looks down the road and can see Katie's husband headed their way, with a large bouquet of roses. Jessica says, "Katie, here comes your husband! And he's got a bunch of roses!" Katie responds, "Yeah, nice", unenthusiastically. Jessica is confused, she says, "I don't understand. Isn't getting ...

Tom Brady died

When he got to Heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, Tom", said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."

Tom felt special and walked up to his house. On ...

A Mexican, recently arrived in the US, wanting to earn some money, decides to become a handy-man...

...and starts looking for some work in an up-scale neighborhood nearby.

He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” the owner says.

The Mexican responds, “How a...

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So my grandpa was out in the porch having a smoke [long]

Me: can I have one of those?

Gramps: I don’t know, can your dick touch your asshole?

Me: uh, no

Gramps: well then you’re not a man, the answer is no

(Later that day while Gramps is having a beer)

Me: hey can I have one of those?

Gramps: I don’t know, can ...

An old protective father and his daughters who want dates

Jeremiah is your typical protective farmer and father. He has three daughters, all who’d like to date men but he has never allowed it. Now that they’re all above 18, he decides it’s time to allow them to go on their first dates.

As he sits on his porch, waiting, shotgun in hand around 7:00 PM...

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An elderly couple are rocking on their front porch. NSFW

All of a sudden the old lady reaches over and smacks the old man right out of his rocking chair.
The old man slowly gets up gets back in his rocking chair, after rocking a few minutes more he turns the old woman and asks "What was that for?"
"For having such a small pecker all these years!" sh...

My wife told me that the cats killed a mole and left it on our porch.

After some investigation, I informed her that it in fact appeared to be a shrewicide.

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Old timer sitting on his porch and saw a kid pass by carrying a duck tape

Old timer sitting on his porch and saw a kid pass by carrying a duct tape. Old timer asked the kid "hey son what are you going to do with that duct tape?" The boy said " im going to catch some ducks with it". Old timer said " you cant catch ducks with that". The boy said "watch me old man".

L...

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Two southern wives were sitting on their porch sipping brandy.

One woman says to the other ‘my husband bought me this beautiful ring’ as she flashed a diamond ring.
The other replied in a breathy voice ‘ain’t that niiceee’.

The first woman added ‘he also bought me this lovely dress I’m wearing today’.
The other replied in the same breathy voice ...

One morning, a man sat on his porch wondering why the sun hasn’t risen yet...

But then it dawned on him.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed.

The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to quest...

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are sitting on the back porch one evening.

Thibodeaux hands Boudreaux a bottle of homemade bayou whiskey and says, "Boudreaux, I want you to have this bottle of whiskey as a gift from me to you."

Boudreaux thanks Thibodeaux and takes a swig out of the bottle.

Upon tasting the whiskey, Boureaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, "You...

This is a long one so stay with me (Not my joke my friend just told me)

One day a girl was saying her prayers. She said, “Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad. Goodnight Grandma. And GOODBYE Grandpa.” The next day the grandpa died. A few months later the daughter is saying her prayers. She says, “ Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad. GOODBYE Grandma.” Grandma dies the next day. Anothe...

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What do you call a black man sitting on a porch?

Whatever his name is.

Three old men are sitting on a porch relaxing...

The first old man complains about having trouble moving his bowels.

The second old ma complains about having trouble urinating.

The third old man says, “every morning at 7am I relieve myself, then at 7:15 I take a huge dump.

The other two men look at him and say what’s wrong...

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What's purple and green and sits on the porch at night crying?

She's my fucking girlfriend I'll paint her whatever colours I want.

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Does your dick touch your asshole?

A father and son are sitting on the porch and the father starts drinking a beer.

Son: "Hey Dad, can I try a sip of your beer?"

Father: "Tell me son... does your dick touch your asshole?"

Son: "No, it doesn't."

Father: "Then no, you can't have any."

The father finis...

[Long] A blonde woman decides to start a handyman service to make some extra money.

She walks around a wealthy neighborhood and walks up to the first house.

A man answers the door and she asks if there is anything she can do. He tells her "The porch need painted, how much would that cost?"

She replies "How does $50 sound?" He agrees and she gets to work.

When t...

Hang Gliding Hillbilly

You don’t see too many people hang-gliding deep down in Kentucky, but Ol’ John Hickory decided to save up and get a hang glider. He took his new toy to the highest mountain and readied to take flight. After a taking a few deep breaths, John took off running and when he reached the edge he sailed off...

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A boy sees his grandpa sipping whiskey on the porch and asks, “can have some?”

The grandpa says, “does your dick touch your asshole?” The boy says, “no”. Grandpa says, “then no, you can’t have any.” Later that day the boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar. He asks, “hey can I try your cigar?” Grandpa again asks, “does your dick touch your asshole?” The boy says “no” and his gra...

A little boy is sitting on a porch with his grandpa, watching a worm in the dirt

He says to his grandpa "I'll bet you I can put that worm into that little hole in the ground".

The grandfather laughs him off, and says "nah, the hole is too small, and the worm too wriggly, there's no way to fit it in there".

The little boy smiles widely, and says "wanna bet $5"?
<...

A real classic

So a man is listening to his daughter prey she says "God bless mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless grandma good bye grandpa" when asked why she said goodbye she responded with "I just felt like I should." The grandpa dies. A month later the daughter is preying as her dad listens in again. The daughter...

Three Southern Belles are sipping a lemonade on the porch swing one hot summer day.

The first one says "Ah heard tell of a boah kissin' anothuh boah. They call them 'ho-mo-seck-shules'."

They all giggle and fan themselves.

The second one says "Wail, AH heard of a gurl kissin' anothuh gurl. They call them 'lez-bee-ans'."

They all turn slightly red and sip their ...

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A little old couple are sitting on their porch side by side in rocking chairs

Out of nowhere, the little old woman reaches over and smacks her husband across the face.

He looks at her in shock and goes, "What the hell was that for?!"

"That's for having a tiny dick to pleasure me with for the past 60 years!"

They go back to rocking back and forth in their ...

2 Rednecks are sitting on the front porch.....

They are drinking beer and talking about life.

The dog in the driveway starts licking his own balls.

One of the guys says, "Man, I wish I could do that"

*The other responds, "You try that and that dog will bite you"*

Jake was sitting on the porch with his little sister, and said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"

His sister jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly hit by a truck. Jake just laughed and laughed, because he knew it was only a nickel.

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A little boy walked up to his grandfather on the front porch...

He saw his grandpa drinking a beer and asked if he could try it. His grandpa asked him in return, "Can your dick touch your asshole?" The little boy thought about it for a second and replied with a hesitant, "No." "Then you ain't a man yet so get outta here!"

A couple days later her see his ...

I woke up this morning and was surprised to find a huge box of LEGO blocks sitting on my front porch.

I have no idea what to make of it.

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(Long) An elderly man was sitting on his porch one day..

..when Tommy, the 9 year old neighborhood troublemaker, came walking up the street dragging some metal fencing behind him.

The man yelled "Tommy, what are you doing this time?
Tommy: This is chicken wire, I'm gonna catch me some chickens.
Man: "Tommy you fool, you can't catch chickens w...

I've decided to pour a new foundation for my porch.

I want to make concrete changes to my life.

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A boy visits his grandparents, and is sitting on the front porch with his grandfather.

Soon Grandma comes out and gives Grandpa a cigar. He lights up while the boy watches, and the boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Rather than answering, the man snaps, "Does your dick touch your asshole?" The boy thinks about this, then shakes his head no. "Of course not, because you're a l...

What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch?

Tip him for the pizza.

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Two women sit on a porch in plantation times:

One is the daughter of a rich plantation owner and the other is the daughter of an average middle class southerner. The rich daughter loves to brag so naturally she looks over at the middle class daughter and says "My daddy just got me this pretty dress, see all these intricate frills?" the middle c...

A man is sitting on the porch with a friend, when a kid walks by.

The man says to the friend, that the kid walking by is so stupid, and he calls the kid up. The man takes out his wallet and grabs two bills, a 1 and a 5. He asks the kid which one he wants, and the kid takes the one and walks away.

Later the friend sees the kid at the store buying a soda, he...

Two farmers are sitting on a porch...

...drinking beers and enjoying the sun. One looks over and sees his dog laying in the corner licking his balls.

He says, "Man, I wish I could do that."

The other says, "I've tried and couldn't even get close. I almost got bit!"

A salesman enters the porch and knocks on the farmhouse door...

... Little Timmy answers the door by sliding it slowly open, inspecting the salesman standing tall with his briefcase.

- hello there kiddo, may I speak to your father? The man asked little Timmy.

Timmy swiftly replies before cleaning his running nose with his sleeve. "sorry my dad got...

Kept having my Amazon packages stolen off my porch ordered a security cam to deter/catch the culprit.

That package was stolen too.

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Two old ladies

Fanny and Mary, two small and elderly ladies living in a retirement community in Florida are sitting on a porch and enjoying some cold ice tea after a game of bingo. They've been gossiping for a while, when suddenly Fanny asks:

'Mary, dear, you and your Frank have been happy in marriage, righ...

Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back...

The sad old man

An old man was sitting outside his porch one day with a very sad face. The mailman saw him and tried to cheer him up. The mailman said " you wanna see my package?" The old man just looked at the mailman without even smiling nor saying a single word. The mailman gave up and left. Then along came a ma...

An aging farmer decided it was time for his youngest son to start pulling his weight around the farm.

His older, strong-armed and favoured son, Jedediah worked hard every day, getting up extra early every morning to milk the cow before dutifully doing the rest of his chores.

The farmers delicious milk became very popular around the area with neighbours often walking miles in for a glass and ...

Grandpa was sitting on the porch...

...when he saw little Timmy jamming the earthworm back to its hole.
Grandpa: Silly Timmy, you cant put that worm back inside son.
Timmy: Bet you $50 i can grandpa.
Grandpa: Sure, its a deal!

So little Timmy gets hairspray from the house and sprayed it all over the worm, the worm stif...

How do you steal a porch?

You just take it step by step

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An old man and his grandson are sitting on the porch.

An elderly man and his grandson are sitting outside on the porch. The grandfather pulls out a cigar, lights it, and proceeds to smoke. The grandson looked upon him with curiosity.

"Papa, may I have a cigar?" The little boy asked.

The old man smirks, "You can, but only if your answer ...

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An old married could sitting on their rocking chairs out on the porch watching the sunset...

Rocking away enjoying the sunset, when the woman takes her cane and suddenly smacks the old man on the leg.

"Hey... what was that for?" he protests

"For 60 years of bad sex!" she says.

They go back to rocking.

A few moments later he takes his cane and smacks her on the le...

2 farmers sitting on a porch just passin the time, shootin the sh!t

when a marijuana plant yells out of no where:

"You big dumb dark cow!"

One of the farmer turns to his friend and says

"look at the pot calling the cattle black"

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

Yes, Buy It Babe!!

Several men are in the locker of a golf club when cell phone on the bench rings and the man engages the hands free function and starts talking. Everyone else freezes up to listen.

Man: Hello

Woman: Honey its me are you at the club?

Man: Yes

Woman: I am at the mall and thi...

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