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A Scotsman joins a cult on a farm.

On the night that they are to commit mass suicide, the cult members gather in the farmhouse livingroom, and the elders send the Scotsman on one final task.

A few minutes after the he leaves the room, the members hear a loud "Moo!" from the barn. Moments later, the Scotsman returns, zipping up...


Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerato...

A wife says to her husband..."I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear"

To which the husband replies:

"kitchen, bathroom, livingroom".

An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her Mom that she thinks she is pregnant.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test results show that the girl IS pregnant.

Shouting , cursing, crying…the mother says, “Who wassa dah piga that do thisah to you? Ima wanna know!!”

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half a...

When I went shopping for a christmas tree last year...

... the guy asked "are you gonna put it up yourself?" and I said "no, I was thinking the livingroom"

So a woman is being held hostage...

There's a man robbing her as she's tied to a chair in her livingroom with a blindfold on. He tells her to quietly count to 100 and proceeds to start looting her home.

As he's doing this he hears the woman behind him counting "one.....three....five....seven..". The man turns around and asks he...

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