I love my recliner.

We go way back.

There's something about a recliner that makes me really nostalgic

They certainly take me back

John's wife won't let him go fishing with his buddies

They have all went together on a fishing/camping trip the past four years together. But this year she wouldn't let him. The guys were very disappointed

Two days later the other guys made it to the campsite and noticed John was sitting by a fire with a cold beer. The tent was already set and s...

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A man comes home from work, sits down in his recliner, turns on the TV and says to his wife 'Honey, grab me a beer before it starts!'

His wife yells back 'Dammit, I don't clean this entire house, do all the grocery shopping, laundry, and cooking just for you to come home and plop your lazy ass down in that chair and demand that I bring you a beer!'
The man says 'Oh, shit, looks like it's already started.'

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What did Hitler call his recliner?

Mein Kampf-y Chair.

Minding my own business

Sitting in recliner naked, watching a movie, eating icecream & doritos, minding my own business & f*ckin Walmart calls the cops, smh

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A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $...

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

This Man's Wife Wouldn't Let Him Go With His Friends. Then He Does This.

This Man's Wife Wouldn't Let Him Go
With His Friends. Then He Does This.

Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for
many years.

A few days before the group's annual departure date,
John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't
going. John's fishing buddi...

What's the difference between relaxation and laziness?

The angle of the recliner.

Have you ever heard of the "walk of shame"?

It's when you are redditing on the toilet for so long that your legs fall asleep and you have to walk back the recliner like an octopus.

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Jim walks into a bar with his arm in a sling.

He sits next to his friend Bill and orders two shots of whiskey.

Bill asks him, "How'd you break your arm, Jim?"

Jim downs a shot of whiskey and says, "Well, you see, about two years ago--"

Bill interrupts him, "Woah woah, two YEARS! You didn't break your arm two YEARS ago!"
...

A wife asked her husband “If anything were to happen to you, would you be mad if I got remarried?”

He said “No.”, but after a while he really started thinking about it. He approached her that night and explained to her “Honey, I know I said I wouldn’t be mad, but I just can’t handle the thought of another man sitting in my recliner, driving my truck, shooting my guns and my bow—“ she reassuringly...

Husband & Wife Diary Entries

Wife's Diary

Bob has been acting so weird lately. Yesterday, we had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for supper. I’d been shopping with Jenny all day, so I thought he was upset because I was a bit late, but he didn't say anything about it.

Conversation over supper wasn't flowin...

The engineer that went to hell.

One day an engineer died and went to hell. He was a good Christian man who never sinned but Saint Peter made a mistake and accidentally sent him to hell.
In hell the engineer thought to himself, "gee, it sure is hot in here", and so he built some air-conditioning.
Then he thought, "I sure ...

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My own personal hell

The devil takes his new arival on a tour...

He then explains to the man their are options how you can spend your eternity here .

They walk along a corridor and the devil says you can choose anyone you like but you may only choose one and can not switch!

Behind the first door are...

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Furniture Store

Black guy walks into a furniture store. A salesman rushes over to help him.

Salesman: "Hello sir, how can I help you today?"

Black guy: "Yes, I"m looking for a recliner."

Salesman: "La-Z-Boy?"

Black guy: "No mother fucker, I just want to sit down."

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Chicken or Beef

A man was relaxed in his recliner watching TV and from the kitchen he hears his wife say “ Honey, would you like chicken or beef for dinner?”
The husband thinks it over and shouts “I think I want beef tonight.” The wife shouted back, “Fuck you asshole, you are eating ramen noodles, I was talking...

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Obsolete Technologies

A man is sitting in a recliner watching television when he asks his wife to pass the newspaper.

She starts barking at him,"Why don't you learn how to use this iPad? You're never going to get better at technology if you don't start using it for some of the simple things."

Considering hi...

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Shrimp

A little boy runs into the kitchen where his mother is making Thanksgiving dinner "Mama, Mama, Grandma's in the living room with her shrimps hanging out!"

The mother, a little confused, finishes up what she's doing and goes in to investigate. Sure enough, there's Grandma, who is a little out...

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Two guys are lost in the desert.

They're starving and dying of thirst. Off in the distance, they see a large trailer, surrounded by trees, so they start walking towards it.

The first guy can't make it up the stairs, so he sits down outside in the shade. The second guy walks in and sees shelves upon shelves of food and water...

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A man comes home from a hard day at work

And sits down in his recliner. His wife comes up and he immediately cries "honey hurry grab me a beer it's about to start!" Looking confused she goes and grabs him a beer. He chugs and and yells "hurry honey get me one more beer it's about to start!" "What's about to start?" She replied angrily. " i...

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Family Reunion...

So a whole huge family is at their annual reunion. The oldest living member of the family "Great Granny" is sitting in a big comfy recliner off to the side so the children don't bother her. Suddenly the 98 year old leans over to the left. Uncle Bill rushes over and straightens her up saying "Dont wo...

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The cat.

This is the story of a normal married couple with a cat.

The husband was getting sick of having this lazy cat around. All the cat did was scratch up their awesome furniture, cough up hairballs, sit on his face, you know... normal cat shit

So one day the husband says 'screw this im get...

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