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Veranda Jokes

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An elderly woman winds up in court for murder...

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your full name.'

Agatha: 'Agatha Louise Hewson.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your age'

Agatha: 'I am 94 years old.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question.'
<...

What do you call an Irishman sitting on his veranda?

Patty O'Furniture.

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Vladimir Lenin and Nadezhda Krupskaya are sitting on the veranda of their dacha.

Krupskaya turns to Lenin and asks, "Vladimir Ilich, if you were to die, would you want to be buried or cremated?"

Lenin replies, "I don't give a shit. They could make me a mummy for all I know."

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A 9 year old girl is playing with her younger sister...

... In the backyard of the house, when the older girl tap on her sister shoulder and point at the neighbor house saying:

_"Oh my god, look the neighbor's wife is giving a blowjob to the mailman under the veranda!

And her innocent sister ask with a cute little voice:

_"What's a v...

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Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa are sitting on the veranda of the old folks, home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs.

Grandpa rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, "Fuck you!"

Grandma rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, "Fuck you too!"

Grandpa becomes very ...

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Xi Jinping woke up one morning...

Xi Jinping woke up one morning and went to his balcony, where the Sun was rising in the east. The Sun greeted him: “Good morning, comrade Xi!” the Sun said, “I hope you slept well.”

Xi was extremely pleased with himself that the Sun spoke to HIM. After his meetings, at noon, Xi went for a w...

Secret of a successful marriage!

An old man married for 52 years was asked by his neighbor about the secret for his successful marriage.

The old man stated that on the night of his marriage, he and his newly wed bride had decided that if one of them ever got angry with the other, they would settle the issue peacefully.
...

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2 Southern belles

Two Southern Belles are sittin’ on the veranda,

when one points at the big shiny car in the driveway, and says, “my Daddy bought me that brand-new Cadillac”.

The other nods, sips her julep, and says, “how nice”.

They rock back and forth on the porch swing a moment, and the first...

An Australian ventriloquist visits NZ

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks
into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid...

Thadeus and Thelma

Thadeus and Thelma are an older couple, sitting at home on the veranda having drinks and she says, "I love you."

He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me............. talking to the wine."

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Bertha & Myrtle were sitting in their rocking chairs...

...on the veranda at the old folks home. Bertha turned to her friend and asked, "Myrtle dear, did you ever smoke after sex?"

Myrtle reflected for a moment and replied, "To tell the truth Bertha, I never looked."

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A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation.

They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.

"I'm an engineer" says American, "So ...

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There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

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