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Mass Murder Jokes

Did you hear about the mass murderer who moonlighted as a model

He had the face of a 20-year-old, then a 35-year-old, then a 16-year-old...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

What do you give the mass murderer who cured cancer?

The no-bail prize

What's a mass murderer's favorite article of clothing?

Casual T's.

It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass murder/suicide of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.

And anyway, the punchline's too long.

What do you call a mass murderer on a bike?

A Cyclepath.

Mass Murder

Man walks into a pub and the bartender says, "Not seen you in ages, where you been?"

"Was in the jail," replies the man.

"Sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?," says the man, "I was just visiting. My friend got convicted for a mass murde...

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

I used to be a mass murderer...

But then I got a vasectomy.

Reflections on the Jonestown massacre of 1978

As a society, we sometimes tell jokes about some of the most horrific events--mass murders, disasters, and so on. Often the jokes start within a day or two of the catastrophe, even before the dead can be counted. Perhaps we do it as a coping or healing mechanism, or perhaps it's our only extant type...

I've been hearing a lot about mass murderers lately....

It must be a scary time to be catholic.

A train conductor is put on trial for mass murder

A train conductor fails to break the train and by not doing so kills hundreds of people. He is found guilty of negligence and sent to the electric chair to be executed. However, the day of the execution, after turning on/off the switch multiple times the man does not die. By law, they are required t...

Greenpeace have come up with a new name for shrimp hunting, claiming it's the same as mass murder.

They're calling it columbrine

My local news station had a story about a string of killings at churches in Massachusetts.

"Mass mass mass murders." they said.

Did you hear about the priest who went mad and poisoned the wine at church?

He was tried for mass murder

I wont let the load of one small murder weigh me down...

... because I'm a mass murderer.

Blackholes

Are mass murderers

Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of Catholic crows?

It was Mass Murder!

A train conductor was conducting his train...

when he derailed it and the train suffered a terrible crash. Only those in the front of the train survived. He was put on trial for the murder of nearly a hundred people. He was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

When asked what he'd like for his last meal, he replied ...

I go to the gym to lose weight

You can say that I’m a mass murderer

At a university exchange programme, an American student met a Syrian student.

“How are the things going on in your country right now?”

“Not good. We still don’t have proper medical facilities, there are plenty of homeless people, lots of religious fanatics and mass murders keep happening everyday.”

“The things aren’t that great here as well,” replied the Syrian ...

Why did the physicist at the Hadron Collider get thrown in jail?

Because he was a mass murderer

Did you hear about the guy that shot up a church?

Now he’s a mass murderer

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

I heard there's a guy that destroyed a group of Higgs Boson particles.

He's a mass murderer.

There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

Did you guys hear that the hadron accelerator exploded?

It was mass murder.

Did you hear about the doctor who killed anyone over 15 stone?

He was a mass murderer.

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