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Pleasures Jokes

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?

Mrs Hawking.

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What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

Tearjerker.

Top 5 mom's punishments that have become pleasures:

Top 5 mom's punishments that have become pleasures:



1. "Go to sleep NOW"

2. "Eat ALL YOUR FOOD"

3. "You will not leave the house"

4. "Go to your room!"

5. "One more word and I'll spank that ass"

What do you call it when a cow pleasures himself?

Some say MOOsterbation, but I’ve always been partial to Beef Strokinoff.

Name a girl who pleasures herself with a vegetable?

Steven Hawking's wife

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“That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.” -Henry David Thoreau

Masturbation

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One of life's greatest pleasures is watching your wedding video backwards...

It starts off with lots of sex in a far flung exotic country.

Then you move on to a massive party, surrounded by your family and your best friends, getting drunk and having a great time.

Then you take off that ring, walk back down the aisle, leave the church, and go back to the pub wit...

The Priest: "All sinful pleasures lead to hell my child"

Me: "I guess Hell will be a godamn party hall, sign me up"

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A large discussion is held about a car manufacturer coaxing young Mr. Bating while he pleasures himself.

Mass debating Mazda bating masturbating Master Bating

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Last night my date asked me, "So, do you have any guilty pleasures? Don't be shy, you can tell me!"..........

Last night my date asked me, "So, do you have any guilty pleasures? Don't be shy, you can tell me!"

I hesitated for a bit then said, "Well, sometimes when I'm masturbating I like to stick my thumb up my arse. If I'm feeling really kinky I use my whole fist. How about you?"

She repl...

In honor of, and with apologies to, Tony Bennett

Two close friends, Sam Frank and Frank Sam, pass away on the same day. Frank Sam, having led a good life, went to heaven and played a harp in the celestial choir. Sam Frank, having led a somewhat less noble life, wound up in hell running a disco. Frank Sam really missed his old friend and asked perm...

90% of the money I have made....

...has been spent on hard liquor, loose women, and other pleasures of the flesh.


The rest I squandered.

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