Buddy of mine was complaining about work, having a hard time dealing with his two aides.
I said tell me about it, I just got my third hepatitis.
President's Aide: "Mr. Trump, the dry cleaners called and wanted to let you know...
You left two supreme court justices in your pocket when you dropped your suit off."
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he’s getting debriefed on the world news of the day.The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.
Dubya’s reaction is pure shock and grief, he’s shaking and can not control his emotions.
An aide slides up to Trump and whispers in his ear discreetly
"Mr.President, one of your shoes is black, and the other is brown!"
, "Yes, I noticed it myself. I went to change but when I looked in the closet, the only other pair I had was also one black and one brown"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.
The leader of the terrorists told them that they would grant them one last request before they were beheaded.
The CNN reporter said "well I'm an American, so I'd like one last hamburger with fries."
The leader nodded to an underling, who then returned with a burger and fries. The repo...
A politically-appointed medical research director had been busy pushing recruitment for round after round of hydroxychloroquine tests. After another poor result, a White House aide walked in. "Doctor, the President has demanded another HCQ test. Can you do it?"
The director sighs, rubs his temples, and sits back in his chair. "No. Quite frankly, I don't have the patients."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"
"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...
A aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this. He sinks back in his chair, saying OMG over and over.
Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...
A congressional aide asks the politician, “What should we do about this abortion bill?”
Politician: Shh. Just pay it.
So Donald Trump was talking to one of his aides, and off on one of his usual rants
“We need less immigrants! Less Mexicans! Less Colombians! Less Guatemalans! Less Puerto Ricans!”
Finally the aide couldn’t take it anymore, leaned in and said quietly: “fewer.”
“I told you not to call me that yet!!”
Trump asks his aides how the press has rated his performance yesterday..
His assistant opens the newspaper to a headline: A complete ****show! - four stars, mr. President!
When the construction of the chief's new house was completed, he hosted a feast to thank these who aided him during the construction.
During the feast, everyone congratulates him and said: " You're extremely competent to build houses like this one here."
His wife heard the compliment and spoke for her husband: " Well, the credit isn't all my husband's, the credit goes to these who contributed! "
After the feast, ever...
Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.
Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.
"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...
Two presidential aides are having coffee in a back room at the White House. “Sometimes I wish we worked for the pope and not the president,” one of them says.
“Why?” asks the second aide.
“Because then we’d only have to kiss his ring.”
A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...
...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.
"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.
"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."
Trump hears Obama got a smaller crowd than him
"Really? What was he doing?" Trump asks gleefully
"Ordering breakfast at McDonalds drive thru." His aide said.