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A guy gets put in a nursing home by his son. He doesn’t know if he’s going to like it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son’s sake.

The first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard on. Out of nowhere a beautiful nurse's aide walks in, bends over & blows him without saying a word.
The guy gets on the phone with his son and says, "Son, I love this place! Thank you so much for putting me in this nursing home....

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The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, havin...

Buddy of mine was complaining about work, having a hard time dealing with his two aides.

I said tell me about it, I just got my third hepatitis.

An aide slides up to Trump and whispers in his ear discreetly

"Mr.President, one of your shoes is black, and the other is brown!"

Trump said

, "Yes, I noticed it myself. I went to change but when I looked in the closet, the only other pair I had was also one black and one brown"

President's Aide: "Mr. Trump, the dry cleaners called and wanted to let you know...

You left two supreme court justices in your pocket when you dropped your suit off."

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he’s getting debriefed on the world news of the day.The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya’s reaction is pure shock and grief, he’s shaking and can not control his emotions.
...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive. Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single- line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H. Trump was baffled, so he scanned it and emailed it to his aides, who had no clue either, so th...

A politically-appointed medical research director had been busy pushing recruitment for round after round of hydroxychloroquine tests. After another poor result, a White House aide walked in. "Doctor, the President has demanded another HCQ test. Can you do it?"

The director sighs, rubs his temples, and sits back in his chair. "No. Quite frankly, I don't have the patients."

A aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this. He sinks back in his chair, saying OMG over and over.

Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

A congressional aide asks the politician, “What should we do about this abortion bill?”

Politician: Shh. Just pay it.

So Donald Trump was talking to one of his aides, and off on one of his usual rants

“We need less immigrants! Less Mexicans! Less Colombians! Less Guatemalans! Less Puerto Ricans!”

Finally the aide couldn’t take it anymore, leaned in and said quietly: “fewer.”

“I told you not to call me that yet!!”

Trump asks his aides how the press has rated his performance yesterday..

His assistant opens the newspaper to a headline:
A complete ****show!
- four stars, mr. President!

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

The Chinese Premier, along with the South Korean and Indonesia President Went to See God

In 1975, Zhou Enlai, Park Chung-hee, and Suharto came before God to ask a question.

Zhou Enlai went first: "God, when will my country become prosperous?"

God replied: "30 more years".

Zhou Enlai wept because he knew he will never see it in his lifetime. Indeed, he would pass awa...

Two presidential aides are having coffee in a back room at the White House. “Sometimes I wish we worked for the pope and not the president,” one of them says.

“Why?” asks the second aide.



“Because then we’d only have to kiss his ring.”

When the construction of the chief's new house was completed, he hosted a feast to thank these who aided him during the construction.

During the feast, everyone congratulates him and said: " You're extremely competent to build houses like this one here."

His wife heard the compliment and spoke for her husband: " Well, the credit isn't all my husband's, the credit goes to these who contributed! "

After the feast, ever...

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