Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track.""What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector."Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the...

Moth Inspector

A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks ...

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

You know, Inspector Javert wasn't mad

But he died in Seine.

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At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit.

While the Tax Office agent was checking the books he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”

“Good question,” noted the CEO. “We save them up and send them back to...

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An inspector goes to a prison’s death row.

The warden tells him, “We punish our inmates humanely based on what crime they committed. Instead of the death penalty, we amputate the body part they committed the crime with.”

The inspector thinks this is a good idea, as it teaches the inmate a lifelong lesson. He sees someone without his r...

Inspector: What do you see ?

Sub-inspector: Idk why but, the suspect is dancing naked in the middle of the street

Inspector: copy that



Sub-inspector: I'm not much of a dancer, but I'll try my best.

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A hospital administrator, an inspector and a few other important people were touring the local hospital to see how it rated compared with others in the state.

### So far they'd been very impressed with the hospital, especially the bedside manner of the staff.

They approached a patient's room, and the curious inspector looked inside. He found a patient jacking off on the bed.


"What the hell is this?" she yelled.


The doct...

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's...

Maraijuana Inspector

A DEA inspector is visiting a farm in Colorado. He introduces himself to the farmer and says "I am here to inspect your farm for maraijuana cultivation". The farmer say "sure you can look around, just DON'T GO to the farm behind the BARN."

The inspector is FURIOUS, whips out his badge and sh...

A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.

During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof.

"We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director

The inspector nods and replies with a smile "...

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A woman was having an affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover, “into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom di...

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I'm posting this from my job as a scrap lumber inspector at a hardware store. (x-post from r/dadjokes)

I'm feeling a little board.

So a KGB inspector goes to visit a Siberian prison to check on the inmates in their cells.

First he goes to the first cell and asks the inmate "why were you arrested?" The inmate replies him "My watch was always 10 minutes late and thus i was always late for work so they assumed that i was late because i was planning a coup".
He then proceeds to go to the second cell and asks the inmat...

What do Inspector Clouseau and a gigolo have in common?

They're both Peter Sellers.

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Story Challenge: My name is Inspector Clouseau...

...and I'm working on a case, because I haven't got a table.

I looked out of the window and saw a very tall man. I knew he was tall - I was on the 6th floor.

There was a tap at the door. "Funny place to put a tap", I thought.

I opened it, and there was a beautiful woman standing...

Husband lost his wife

Husband: I lost my wife, she was shopping and has not come back yet.

Inspector: What was she wearing?

Husband: I'm not sure a suit maybe or dress i don't know.

Inspector: What her weight?

Husband: I don;t know i have never checked.

Inspector: Slim/ tall/ healthy....

A building inspector for an old European town found that all buildings built between 1584 and 1750 had significant structural flaws.

Otherwise, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.

What do you call a Nose that has a job as a Health Inspector?

A Scenter for Disease Control.

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

Saw the ticket inspector on my train ignoring passengers and picking her nose.

I reported her for gross missed conduct.

The most famous French chef was found dead, victim of poisoning, and searching for answers they called Inspector Poirot...

The man had no enemies, he owed no one money, there was no motive at all... After a long and fruitless search, the Inspector noticed that a single bottle was missing from the kitchen. He took a quick inventory, then concluded that this was the result of a suicide.

How did he know? Of course, ...

The health inspector shut down the restaurant on the corner of main street and second avenue...

A new owner rebuilt the kitchen area. The inspector was very impressed with the new kitchen. Stainless steel counters and shelves. Floors of white marble. More lighting install making a bright and clean looking work area. Tongs hanging everywhere, the food was not touched by human hands.

The ...

Three KGB inspectors decide visit a Siberian prison

They decide to check on three young prisioners who started working recently but were put in prison, and ask them some questions.

The first inspector asks the first prisoner:"How did you get in here?

He answers:"For the past week my clock would wake me up early so I came into work early...

I would like to be a quality inspector at a mirror factory.

It’s a job I could really see myself doing.

Dr. Watson: It seems like there are a lot of break ins lately.

Inspector: Any ideas what we should do?

Watson: Sure..Lock..Homes.

What was the inspector's opinion on the Jet Engine?

He was blown away.

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Tax inspector marries a woman who was already married 6 times. First wedding night...

"Dear, please be careful, I'm a virgin!"

- No way! There were six spouses now?

"I'll explain everything to you.

My first husband was a psychiatrist. He was just talking about sex. Theoretically. Never did it in practice.

My second husband was a gynaecologist. He was just...

An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they we...

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Crap! It's the GMO inspectors!

Act natural!

An inspector goes to check on a factory that makes baby bottles and condoms.

When he arrives he meets the supervisor who gives him the tour around the factory. He is first shown the bottle section and he doesn't notice anything out of place.

Afterwards, they walk to the condom and nipple (the rubber thing on top of bottles) section of the factory. The machines that ma...

An inspector visits a school in England one day....

One day, an inspector visited a school and asked the teachers how things were going.

He entered a class where an English lesson was in session.

"Very well, looks good", the inspector said. "Teaching's of a high standard, classroom looks good, things seem to be going well."

He th...

A health inspector is inspecting an office building

Inspector: And finally to check on how well this building is cleaned

10 minutes later, the inspector walks out of the building with a bloody nose.

Inspector: Well it's a nine out of ten overall. The bathrooms weren't the cleanest but all in all not too shabby at all.

And by the ...

An inspector calls a suspect into the interrogation room

Suspect: Why am I hear?

Inspector: I will be the one asking questions around here.

Suspect: Is that so?

Inspector: Yes, absolutely... Damn it!!!

Inspector Javert gives up on catching Jean Valjean and opens a bakery.

But old habits die hard. The bread is on special, two for $6.01

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Help Wanted

A lumber mill posts a help wanted ad for a lumber inspector and receives only one application. When they call the prospective employee in for an interview they realize he is an elderly man who is very clearly blind. The manager is skeptical that a blind man could be a lumber inspector, but after som...

3 lads are in a train

One from Italy, one from Germany and one from France. They don't have tickets and see the ticket inspector coming. They start to panic and run to the baggage Waggon to hide. The Italian jumps into a cabinet, the French into a big box and the German into a huge bag. The inspector following them but t...

Tax inspector: You should pay your tax with a smile.

Tax Payer: I have tried several times, but every time they insist on cash.

An inspector from the DEA stops at a farm and meets with the old farmer.

He says to the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs." The farmer said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there...", and points out the location.
The inspector cuts him off saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Government with me!", reaches into his rear trous...

What did the road inspector tell the road builder...

When he built the roadway wrong?

It's not my asphalt, it's your asphalt.

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

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An inspector goes in to an asylum...

He needs to make sure that all of the patients' rooms are up to code, following a new set of regulations.

When he enters the first room, the patient is shooting an imaginary basketball.

The inspector asks, "What are you doing?"

"When I get out of here, I'm going to be in the N...

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he’s looking for a man with one eye.

but If he doesn’t find him, he’s going to use both eyes.

An animal health inspector will be here in a few minutes, but the dang farmhand just gave the cows a bunch of marijuana

The steaks have never been higher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A ghost inspector attended our house. My wife and I were sceptical.

We wandered through the dark when suddenly he told us all to stop and stand still. "Is everyone still there?" he asked.

My wife said, "Yes."

I said, "Yes."

Then there was a pause. "Are you there?" I asked the ghost inspector.

No reply.

"Oh my god," I said. "Quick, ...

An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.

One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides...

Building Inspectors should be stricter in Pisa, Italy.

Since they are a bit too *lean*ient.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother is a city sewer inspector. He just came back from a job and told me he found an alligator down there.

What a croc of shit

Inspector in a hospital is interviewing a room full of patients

He asks the first one

- What are you in here with?
- Gonorrhea
- How are they treating you?
- Swab it with iodine
- Any questions or complaints?
- No

So he moves to the next one

- What are you in here with?
- Hemorhoids
- How are they treating you?
- Swab...

There was this government inspector checking out a hospital

There was this government inspector checking out a hospital. He gets guided round most of the wards by a resident doctor, and things seem okay. They have just one more ward to go, when the doctor's pager goes off and he runs to take an emergency call, the inspector decides to proceed, and asks the...

An inspector arrives at murder scene of an obese man by a cannibal

It was a lot to digest

Three new corpses are delivered to the morge one day, each with a smile on their face.

The mortician examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death.

"First body- Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face.

Second body- Irishman, aged 30, won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of ...

Ticket Inspector: Sir, why do you have a child's ticket?

Me: Because I'm a child of god.

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An inspector is taking a tour of a hospital when. NSFW

She walks past a room with a man vigorously masturbating. The lady asks the doctor giving the tour what the hell is going on in there. The doctor explains to the woman that the man has a condition where his semen reproduce rapidly, and that if he does not do this every couple of hours his testicles ...

The zoo inspector and the monkey

Once upon a time, an inspector planned to come to a zoo, as it wasn't doing well and didn't make profit. That became a problem to the managers who didn't want him to find out that they sold the monkey.

So they approached bill, a janitor and a faithful worker there and gave him a monkey suit ...

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My uncle is a toilet inspector.

He's seen some shit.

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Why don't OSHA inspectors watch porn?

It's Not Safe For Work.

What's the difference between a plastic surgeon and a school inspector?

A plastic surgeon tucks features...

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

Police Inspector........

Police Inspector: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

After a gruesome murder in Greenland the suspect is taken in for questioning by the police.

Inspector: Would you mind telling us where you were on the night from October 11th to March 5th?

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Two female police dog handlers are walking their dogs

One says to the other, "I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of your cunt and he'll go and fetch them."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broomhandle and two of the inspector's fingers.

The Italian Boss’ sudden Inspection

James gets a job at an Italian restaurant. He finds his boss to be extremely unsettling. He is old, very stern and demanding.

He takes the job anyway because he is desperate to make money.

One day, strange men in suits walk in 5 minutes before closing time. Unlike anyone he’s ever seen...

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Police have arrested a man for having sex with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large.

The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears."

Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine?

Because he found it to be SUB-standard.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.

Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."

Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"

Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"

Ticket please

Three engineers and three accountants are in the queue to buy a train ticket.

The three accountants buy a ticket each; three in all. The engineers, however, buy one ticket between them.

“How are you…?” ask the accountants.
“We know what to do,” reply the engineers.

And all si...

A man is sitting alone on a train.

A man is sitting alone on a train, whole carriage to himself. It's raining heavily outside and there's a gap on the ceiling right above the man's head, pouring water into the carriage and soaking him wet. The inspector comes in collecting tickets, sees the man in this miserable state and asks "Excus...

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My turn to translate a joke (from french)

So the school inspector enters a spanish course, and takes a sit in the back of the room, next to little Johnny.

The class begins, and the spanish teacher asks :
“Who can translate this sentence?” and writes the sentence on the board : “Mi perro es moreno”

Only little Johnny is rais...

A North Korean man is walking home

A North Korean man is walking along the road when he spots a fish caught in the reeds. Excitedly, he scooped it up and ran home.

"Look what I found!" he says, revealing his treasure to his wife, "Quick heat the oil"

"But husband, the police confiscated the oil! They said subversives co...

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3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an old lady who knew how to ride a scooter

Every day she passed the border riding on the scooter, with a bag behind the scooter. The Customs personnel - all old rascals - began to suspect the old lady.

One day, when she was on the scooter with the bag behind her, the customs officer told her to stop. The old lady stopped and then the ...

In laws these days!

In his late 80s, my father-in-law went to the DMV to renew his driver’s license. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his left, and cruised straight through the stop sign.

“Sir! You didn’t look to your right,” yelled the frightened inspector.

...

What rank do you give an incompetent policeman?

Defective Inspector.

Now I'm not saying I hate my job, but I dont exactly love it either.

Being an elevator inspector definitely has its ups and downs.

Ketchup telegram

During the early 1900s the Heinz ketchup company was struggling to meet the increased demand for their product. They had invested heavily in factories and infrastructure but nothing seemed to increase their output of ketchup.

The CEO decides to hire an investigator from Germany who is well kn...

Science Humor

Physicist: "There's a hotel in Germany with a plaque stating that Heisenberg may have slept here."
Me: "Really?"
Physicist: "Well, I'm not sure..."


(as heard in an 'Inspector Lewis' episode)

A crime scene investigation takes place in a train yard.

A body lies severed across the tracks.

Inspector: "Do we have a motive?"

Officer: "Loco."

The mental hospital is having the yearly inspection.

The general manager walks with the inspector on the courtyard while telling him about how the new garden creates a quiet and safe space for the patients.
On the distance they see an disheveled old man dragging a toothbrush over the grass, tied with a piece of dental floss.
"What's ailing t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Classic Rocky and Bullwinkle pun

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police.

There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town's leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered her...

I was on the train having a poo.

When the ticket inspector knocked on the toilet door and said, "Ticket please."

"There you go," I replied, passing it under the door.

"Thanks for the free ticket." replied the voice, running away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and With A smile on his face, says, "The media are really tearing you apart for That Scandal."

Hillary: "You mean my lying about Benghazi?"

Trump: "No, the other one."


Hillary: "You mean the massive voter fraud?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Usin...

The train

3 engineers and 3 lawyers are taking the same train from their hometown to Memphis one day. The lawyers notice that the engineers bought only one ticket, and confused, one of them asked,"Why did you buy only one ticket for three of you?" The engineers smiled and told him to wait and see.

So t...

So I live in a small town

The town is really small. There some rich people, but not a lot. One of them, however, is my neighbor. He is a doctor, but also owns a tiny motel with his wife called the Spanish Inn. A couple of years later, the motel mysteriously burns down. The couple tries to file for insurance, but the inspecto...

Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)

A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

Two horrible knock knock jokes.

Knock knock.

> Who's there?

Door inspector.

> Door inspector who?

Knock knock.

-----

Knock knock.

> Who's there?

Doorbell inspector.

> Doorbell inspector who?

Your doorbell's broken.

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