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Headshot Jokes

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When my office said they needed headshots, I was surprised when a Navy SEAL sniper came in...

...and asked me to take my penis out for an up close photo.

I tried 360° noscoping a guy using an AWP and accidentally landed a headshot , it was awesome. Then I proceeded to T-bag him.

However the judge was not impressed and gave me a 14 years in prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're a guy applying for a porn agency...

Do you send headshots or headshots?

What do snipers and photographers have in common?

They get paid to take headshots.

JFK walks into a photo studio

"I'm here for the headshots..."

Every Half Dollar is Lee Harvey Oswald

Cus each one has a headshot of Kennedy

I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater...

that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.

Why was John F. Kennedy secretly a more successful actor than Ronald Reagan?

He always knew how to take the perfect headshot.

Why does John Wilkes Booth get all the best acting jobs?

He has all the best headshots.

(Credit to my friend Isabella)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Panda Joke

A panda walks into a bar. He walks up to the bar and sits on the stool. the bartender thinks it's a bid odd, a panda walking into a bar, but he approaches it regardless. The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it, and points to a cheeseburger. The bartender is impressed, and decides to make the ch...

Say “cheese.”

Person I just met: So, what do you do for a living?

Me: I take professional headshots.

Person: Oh, you’re a photographer?

Me: (tucks sniper rifle behind my back) No, not exactly...

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A man in the military recently broke up with his ex, so he decided to visit a bar to meet some women.

The man notices a seductive looking woman sitting at the bar.

He introduces himself and she introduces herself likewise.

The woman has a strong sex drive, so she asks him a sexual question to get straight to the point. She asks, “Hey cutie, what’s your body count?”

The man repli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy finds out his wife cheats on him with his best friend...

He decides he wants to take revenge... by hiring an assassin.

After meticulous searching, he finds the best at the profession: a sniper so good he never missed a shot. The assassin charged a fixed $10k fee per bullet. The guy hesitantly agrees to hire him.

Then he proceeds to tell the ...

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