Panicking Poodle

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says...

Why did the name a mix between a golden retriever and a poodle a golden doodle?

Because otherwise it would be a poo retriever.

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, and enticing Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before the hottie, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of her c...

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French Woman

The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"


The French w...

what do you get if you cross a poodle with a pit bull?

not much of a watchdog, but it’s a vicious gossip.

Why must you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs?

You might step in a poodle.

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(The joke from "The Breakfast Club" that was never finished.) A naked woman walks into a bar with a female poodle under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other.

The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink," to which the woman responds, "I sure as hell do, after what happened to me." The bartender, of course, asks what happened, and the woman says, "My boyfriend and I went up to my room when he said that he would pound his favorite bitch with...

What do German poodles and Chinese noodles haves in common?

They have oodles in common!

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Three dogs are chasing after a sexy poodle.

^^inb4 ^^flurries

Three dogs are chasing after a poodle because they desire her. They chase her down a few back alleys, and upon cornering her in a dead end, the poodle proposes something to the three.

"The one who can make me laugh with a joke shall be my lover."

Easy enough, r...

Ruined a brand new pair of shoes.

It's raining cats and dogs out and I stepped in a poodle.

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I was walking along the pier with my toy poodle...

When suddenly, she jumped into the water. I panicked but before I could do anything, a German tourist had jumped in to save the poor dog. He swam over, scooped her up, climbed up the ladder and handed me the shivering poodle.

He said “here is ze dog, keep her warm, dry her off and she vill b...

The man who cross breeds labradors and poodles will be adequate for the job at hand.

The labradoodle dude'll do.

What do you get when you hit a poodle with a bulldozer?

A puddle

An Irish man is walking his poodle

And his friend calls him and says they are giving away free beer for the next hour Inthe pub down the road.

So the Irish man runs with the dog to the pub as fast as he can.

When he gets there the door man says "sorry no pets."

The Irish man says "I'm blind this is my seeing eye ...

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It’s the spring of 1961, and Bobby goes to pick up his date.

When he gets to the door, the girl’s father invites him in.

“Carrie is not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

Carrie’s father then asks Bobby what they plan to do.

“Probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.”

Carries father responds, “Why don’t you two ...

Why are poodles suspicious of strangers?

Because they're afraid of running into a poodaphile.

China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks.

"Not Poodle"

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A lost poodle wanders through a forest

On the first day of an African safari trip, a woman gets distracted and her poodle wanders off into a forest. As the dog trots through the forest, it realizes it is lost and starts to panic.

While the poodle frantically runs around trying to find it's way back, a lion sees it and decides to ...

What’s the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg?

You let the pit bull finish.

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What do you get when you come across a Rooster, a poodle, and a ghost?

Cock-a-Poodle-Boo!!!

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A rottweiler, a poodle, and a german shepherd are sitting at the vet...

The German shepherd turns to the poodle. "So, why are you here?"

The poodle hangs his head. "My master left me in the house for a whole day, so I couldn't help it, I had to go on the floor! He's kind of a prick, so he's putting me down."

The two other dogs shake their heads. The poodl...

What do you get when you cross a Dachshund, a Schnauzer, a Shih Tzu, and a Poodle?

A Wienerschnitzel.

A dignified matron notices that although her dog is affectionate,

he no longer comes when she calls him. Worried that something might be wrong, she takes him to the vet.

The vet examines the dog and says, "He's fine, it's just that his ear canals are blocked by fur, so he can't hear you. I can trim it near the surface, but it's also growing farther down i...

What do you get when you mate an elephant with a poodle?

A poodle split in half.

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

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A Flight to Israel...

A woman wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.”

So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv,...

A man with a dog walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Is that a French poodle, because he’s going oui oui all over the place”

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A gang of stray dogs is hanging out together in the local dog park...

A rottweiler, a great dane, a labrador and of course a tiny chihuahua just glad to be accepted by such high company. They're discussing the sorts of things male dogs discuss when a babelicious poodle struts herself on up. A real high breed, classy bitch.
"Hello boys," She greets, "I tell you w...

Two dogs meet at a dog park

Very excitedly, the collie asks the poodle: "Heys. You wanna hear a joke? I just made this up at the hotdog stand waiting with my master.".

The poodle smiles: "Sure thing, shoot."

The collie smirks his eyes and proudly tells his joke: "How many dachshunds does it take to make a hotdog?...

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Three Dogs are in kennels at the vet. A mutt, a chihuahua, and a lab.

"What are you in for?" The mutt asks the Chihuahua.

"I've been humping the master's leg too much so they sent me here to get fixed." Says the chihuahua. "What about you?"

"I knocked up the poodle next door. She's a purebred with papers so the neighbors are suing my family. I'm here t...

Can I sell kayak equipment if my dog peed on it?

Can I peddle a paddle if it's in a puddle of poodle piddle?

A man got home from his walk and his wife said:”Thank god you got home safe it’s raining cats and dogs!!!”

The man:”It’s not raining that bad I didn’t even step in any poodles”

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Two men are walking their dogs

Two men are walking their dogs, a Poodle and a German Shepherd. They decide they'd like to go into a bar for a drink. "But we can't bring our dogs into that bar," says the Poodle's human.
"No problem," says the German Shepherd's human. "Just watch this." He pulls out a pair of sunglasses and walk...

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The Dogs

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, discussing why they were there. The first dog, a poodle, told his woeful tale.


"My owners bought the great new sports car with leather seats. They took me for a ride in it one day, and I was so excited, I couldn't help myself. I we...

Two Dogs Are In The Vet

Two dogs are in the vet office, waiting to be seen. The first dog turns to the one to his left and asks, "what are you in for?"

The other dog looks at him sadly and says, "our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I'm here to get ne...

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How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

**Golden Retriever**: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

**Border Collie**: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

**Dachshund**: I can't reach the stupid la...

Two guys took their dogs for a stroll....

... and after a while the one says:

Dog Owner A: Let's go and get something to bite at this restaurant over here.

Dog Owner B: Can't do. They don't accept pets.

Dog Owner A: No worries. Just follow me and do as I do.

So the guy puts on his shades and enters confidently th...

3 dogs are at the vet

There's a poodle, pitbull, and a Labrador at the vet. While each of them waits in line for their turn they start to talk and ask each other why they're there.


The pitbull says "I bit the neighbors dog so they're putting me down".

The poodle says "I'm an old dog, I've had 17 gre...

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My wife decided to adopt a dog from the shelter

So now I have to come home to a raging bitch and a poodle.

3 dogs are in a vet's office

3 dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vet's office. One is a Poodle, one is a Schnauzer and the other is a Great Dane. The Poodle turns to the Schnauzer and asks, "Why are you here?" The Schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well. I've been having accidents in the hou...

Liver & Cheese Joke

Three dogs are walking down the street when they spot an enticing female poodle. The German Shepherd, English Bulldog and the Mexican Chihuahua approach the poodle to win her over.

The poodle decides to make a game of it, and tells them "I will go with whichever one of you can best use the w...

So an elf walks into an animal shelter...

...and, being from the North Pole, he wants a hound dog to run a transport system. This particular shelter stocks only mutts.

On the first day, the elf says, "What type of dog is that one there?" he asks, pointing to a cage. "That's a cross between a Labrador and a Poodle," responds the clerk...

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.

Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"

Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing...

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