UPJOKE
sheepdogborder colliespanielpomeranianpoodlecorgidalmatiangreyhounddachshundbeaglewolfhoundschnauzerpuppyrottweileryorkie

What do you call a sad dog ?

A Melan-Collie.

What do you call a sadder dog ?

A Chi-Waah-Waah.

A poodle and a collie are walking together

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.

“I can’t,” says...

Border Collie

# At the end of the day, a Border Collie reported back to the rancher, "All 50 sheep accounted for, boss!"

# "Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

# "I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

I used to have a border collie...

...then my parents fed him too much and he became husky.

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied






Edit: thanks for all the upvotes, this is my first post ever on here!!!

Edit 2: removed emoji

Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.

Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.

Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"

Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."

What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, t...

Farmer and his dog...

A farmer asks his Border Collie if he wants to hear a joke.

The dog replies yes.

The farmer says: There's a flock of sheep...

The Dog says: Herd it...

whats a dogs favorite vegetable

collie-flower

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The American Kennel Club has recognized new dog breeds.

* Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter. Great for Christmas.
* Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer. Smells like fresh mountain dog.
* Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabrador. Won't stop barking.
* Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere. A dog that's true til the end.
* Terrier...

What was the name of that white girl’s Collie who went on all those adventures in Ethiopia between 1930 and 1974?

Haley's Lassie

Border collies are not very inbred...

You know what dogs *are* inbred?

Hotdogs.

What do you call a fat sheepdog?

A broader collie

I've finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine.

He’s a Bordeaux Collie



And yes, he paws it himself...

What do you call a dog playing an FPS game?

*Collie* of Duty

My Dog

I got a new dog recently, a nice little puppy border collie. He’s active and nimble and I take him on walks all the time. I decided to name him “five miles” so I could say I walked five miles today.


Two weeks ago, something unusal for me happened. I ran over five miles.

My dog got a cantaloupe stuck on his head

Ever since then he's been a little melon collie.

I'm training my dog to sniff out ripe fruit

He's going to be a melon collie.

My dog hit a cantaloupe and appears unhappy

He seems kind of melon-collie

I'm not sure how to feel about this...

but I was sold a herding dog for my cantaloupe patch. He's a little melon-collie.

My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.

She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.

A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

So he asked his border collie to count them from him.

The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.

"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.

"40" said the border collie.

"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."

The dog re...

A Bulldog, Doberman, and a Chihuahua Walk Into a Bar...

A Bulldog, Doberman, and Chihuahua walk into a bar looking for a cool drink. A beautiful female Collie struts by and stops at their table, saying: "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese!" The Collie replies: "That's not go...

A boy is walking home with groceries and his border collie...

... and he comes across a pool of toxic waste.
Absolutely shocked at this sight, he dropped his groceries and let go of his dog. His dog wasn't the smartest, and it jumped into the toxic waste. The boy's groceries also fell in. After finally recovering, the boy called the cops to report both h...

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.

The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."

"Fine then, you're in," said God.

The collie said, ...

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

If dogs were plants, what would they be?

Collie-flowers

I'm gonna go shoot myself in the head now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men walking down the road see a blind dog shagging a cabbage...

One of the men says "poor bugger must of thought it was a Collie."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

**Golden Retriever**: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

**Border Collie**: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

**Dachshund**: I can't reach the stupid la...

What do you call a sad dog that likes to eat fruit?

A melon-collie.

What breed will Donald Trumps dog be if he wins the election?

A Border Collie

What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall?

Border Collies!

I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness.

What's half fruit, half dog and is rather sad?

A Melon Collie.




...I'll get my coat.

What do you call a dog carrying a rose?

A collie-flower

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob sees his new neighbor working in his driveway...

Wanting to be friendly, he walks over to the driveway where his new neighbor is repairing his car. "Hey neighbor!" he says affably.

Hearing the voice, a big shaggy dog comes running over and starts sniffing Bob's feet. "Hey," the neighbor grunts.

"I see you've got a dog! I've g...

What do you get if you mix Lassie and a canteloupe?

Melon-Collie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is today a good day to have sex with Lassie?

Because it's a bang-collie day!

Two dogs meet at a dog park

Very excitedly, the collie asks the poodle: "Heys. You wanna hear a joke? I just made this up at the hotdog stand waiting with my master.".

The poodle smiles: "Sure thing, shoot."

The collie smirks his eyes and proudly tells his joke: "How many dachshunds does it take to make a hotdog?...

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonab...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.