This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pet beagle was originally liberated from an animal testing laboratory

Had to let her go. Too expensive. The little fucker smoked 80 Marlboros a day.

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

An Irish Setter, a Dalmatian, and a Beagle were talking

The Irish Setter says to the Beagle: "I am excited for the party next weekend."
The Dalmatian says: "Me too."
The Beagle says to the Setter and the Dalmatian: "You guys weren't invited."
The Irish Setter and the Dalmatian both say: "What? Why not?"
The Beagle says: "Probably because you ...

I got a purebred Beagle puppy for my wife

I thought it was an awesome trade.

What does an Chinese person put cream cheese on?

a beagle

What creature came before the seagull?

A beagle.

My six-year old just got pregnant!

She’s a Labrador Beagle Mix, and she’ll be having a litter of puppies in September!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Army Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Georgia and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog for Sale .'

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagl...

I saw a seagull

I saw a huge seagull this morning. It was big enough to be a D gull... But not quite big enough to be an eagle. One thing's for sure, it definitely wasn't a beagle.

A teacher confiscates two birds, a dog, and a handgun from a kindergarten student.

Teacher: "What are you doing with these things?!"

Student: "I'm practicing my alphabet."

Teacher: "Bringing animals and a gun to class is no way to learn!"

Student: "Sure it is. I have a beagle, a seagull, a Deagle, and an eagle."

The fishing trip

A grandfather and grandson are away on a fishing trip. They get up early in the morning and go out in the boat. They manage to catch a few nice sized bass before going in for breakfast.

While eating breakfast the boy turns to his grandfather and says, "Grandpa, these plates are kind of dirty....

So an elf walks into an animal shelter...

...and, being from the North Pole, he wants a hound dog to run a transport system. This particular shelter stocks only mutts.

On the first day, the elf says, "What type of dog is that one there?" he asks, pointing to a cage. "That's a cross between a Labrador and a Poodle," responds the clerk...

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