How does a friend contact you when he gets lost at a Rave?

EDMs you

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A new bloke starts works on a building site...

He meets his new workmates and they head up to the roof to start work.
One of the workers picks up a pile of bricks and steps off the edge of the building falling 10 stories and landing safely at the bottom.
He takes the elevator back to the top and keeps working.
No one seems to even bat a...

What is the most popular potato chip at a rave party?

Utz Utz Utz Utz Utz Utz

If I ever have a rave it'll be called the Beacons of Gondor

It's gonna be lit

A church in my neighborhood has started having raves every night...

They're Crystal Methodists.

I took an epileptic girl to a rave

I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Glue toast to the ceiling.

Madness at the Snowman's rave last night..

All the Carrots were off their faces

What do you call a chicken at a rave?

A party fowl!

How do you start a rave in a sorority house?

Tape a box of Uggs to the roof.

How do you start a rave?

Throw a flashbang into an epileptic children ward

How do you start a disabled rave

Throw a flash bomb in a room full of kids with epilepsy

Why do people take acid at raves?

Because there's so much base.

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Customer satisfaction

Don't think I've seen this posted here so here goes

A company executive decided to have lunch at this restaurant with rave reviews. He sat down at a table and noticed that every waiter had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He called a waiter over to ask him about this.

'I noticed somethin...

What do you call a a bunch of epileptic vegans at a rave?

Seizure Salad

I'm thinking of hosting a rave in an Oakland warehouse...

I can use my mixtape. Its fire.

My brothers always out clubbing, my parents are really worried about his health.

He's always had one foot in the rave.

What do bears get at raves?

Mauly.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Duct tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.

A rave is being thrown at the White House tonight inauguration of the new President

ft. DJ Trump

A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of crabs...

A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out. ...

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My buddy got me the clapper for my birthday....

Now every time my wife and i have sex its like a rave

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There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident...

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The wife's face was burned severely. The doctor suggested for a skin graft, but unfortunately, the doctor had to inform her that they couldn't use any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then offered to donate some of hi...

Berlin's Hottest Nightclub

A hot new nightclub, Integers, opened up in Berlin. The club's
advertising referenced the "infinite" amount of space on the inside, and its excellent location downtown. The walls were sleek and black, with purple house lights and an immaculate sound system. Drinks were all priced at whole dollar...

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Kid : mom, how come you are white and I'm black ?

Mom : if I can vaguely remember the things I did in that rave party, just be thankful that you are not barking!!!

Did you hear about the terrorist suicide bombers rave party?

I heard they had a blast.

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The Guru (potentially NSFW depending on words used)

Bill and Jeff are sitting at the local - Bill is complaining to Jeff that his elbow his hurting him and that he will have to go to the doctor and pay the high medical bills/etc that will come with it...


Jeff tells Bill to forget that, he should visit 10th and 3rd and see The Guru! Basical...

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[Long] Lori was assistant manager at the Sex Shoppe, and had been for a long time wondering, when do I get my shot at being Manager?

One day, her boss, the owner, said, “Lori, I have to go on a business trip for the weekend. You’re in charge. Let’s see how you handle it. You know the business well enough. Just remember, the new dildo line goes on sale Saturday. That’s $25 for the white dildos, and $50 for the black dildos.”
...

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An old man was walking home with a duck under his arm

He walked for miles and miles with this duck under his arm braving rain wind and storms, finally after about 15 miles he makes it home and the man's wife asked "why are you holding a duck under your arm?" He replied " it's the pig I've been fucking" the wife understandably pissed off and confused ra...

Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend who had Epilepsy?

I went to a rave. I thought it was so cool that I filmed it. But when I showed it to her, she just rolled her eyes.

What do you call it when Edgar Allen Poe hosts an indoor strobe party?

A Rave-in

Where do zombies go to party?

The rave yard.

Did you hear about that nightclub for birds?

Was Rave'n

If gym equipment was invisible...

Gyms would look like silent raves

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We're doing married golfer jokes now?

One day a man and his wife are golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, doglegs right around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it wi...

Jesus and Satan

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."...

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An old mechanic friend helps a drunk. (Kinda long, sorry.)

I was talking to this grizzled old mechanic friend one time, he looked like an old version of Yosemite Sam. Had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, sounded like an old cowboy, his big ol' handlebar mustache wiggling and twitching with every word. Suddenly he starts telling this story about how he ...

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During WWII, An Old Man Worked At a Concentration Camp in Poland...

Due to the Nazi's bombing the factory he used to work in. His job was to move straw back and forth, he would take new straw bales shipped in every morning, put the hay in wheelbarrows where prisoners would then bring the wheelbarrows to where it was needed.

Every night, he had to bring the o...

A guy goes to his local golf course...

The club pro asks him if he wants to try out one of their experimental new robot caddies...on the house.

"Sure, why not?" the man says.

He returns after playing 18 holes and raves to the club pro about the caddy. The robot gave him swing tips throughout the round and always chose the ...

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Robot Caddies

So a guy decides to take the day off from work for a round of golf, and when he gets to the course he asks for a caddy. The pro shop manager asks if he'd like to try out one of their new robot caddies. "Sure, why not," the man replies. As he goes through the course the robot caddy is giving him the ...

A guy walks into a petshop

The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede. OK, thought the man, I'll give
it a go, so he bought one and took it home.
That night he decided to test out his new pet, so he opened the box and said, "I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?"
But there w...

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