I remember the time my cousin completely lost it and threw a giant fit at her 12th birthday party. After she changed her outfit she was fine...

It was a post dramatic dress

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

Why won't Pluto throw a birthday party?

It can't even planet

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up in front of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antelope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood in front of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

What's a pirate's favorite part of a birthday party?

Dabloons

A girl invites her best friend to her Birthday party

At her birthday party while everyone else is away and having fun her best friend eats her whole cake. They catch her and of course the birthday girl is upset, but she manages to calm down and act like everything is fine, deciding to get her revenge another time.

Then several months later it's...

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?

You can have your cake and eat it too!

That was a great birthday party I went to last night.

Nice looking women, great food, good music. Everyone just having a good time

And they didn't even notice me staring in through the crack in the curtains.

Timothy goes to a birthday party

A little boy named Timothy goes to a birthday party with his father. When he arrives, the hostess asks him, "How are you, Timmy?"

Timothy replies, "I'm good."

"I think you have the wrong word there," the host chuckles, wanting to correct his grammar.

"Eh, whatever," Timothy shru...

Why didn't Gandalf bring hookers to Bilbo's birthday party?

Because he is not a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Ray has just reached his 110th birthday. A reporter comes to his birthday party and says, “Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to be so old?” Ray replies, “It’s easy. The secret is never to argue with anyone.”

The reporter is not impressed. “That’s insane!” he says. “It has to be something else – diet, meditation, or ‘something.’ Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 110 years!” Ray looks at the reporter and says, “Y’know, maybe you’re right.”

At my cousin's birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said "It's amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!"

That's the last quinceañera I get invited to.

What do you call a nun's birthday party?

A celibation

When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.

That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin, not me.

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.

Why didn’t Earth get a birthday party?

Because no one was interested to planet.

When you go to a regular birthday party, there’s one cake

When you go to Nicki Minaj’s birthday party, there’s *two* cakes

What did Tommy get when his birthday party was held during the epidemic?

Arrested

Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party?

He wanted something a little more Loki.

Why didn't Tom Hiddleston want a big birthday party?

He wanted to keep it Loki

I was messing around at my great grandma's 100th birthday Party

So she asked me to act my age. I replied with "you should also act your age".

This is the story of how my Great Grandma's Birthday Party turned into her funeral.

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party.

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

It's my 97th Birthday party!!!

I keep getting invited to these things.

Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,

I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.

A father is planning a birthday party for his son, who is a huge Phillies fan.

The father recently befriended a sports agent, so he reaches out:

"Hey Mike, my kid's birthday is coming up on the 27th and I wanted to see if you could pull some strings to have someone from the Phillies make an appearance at his party."

"Yeah, I think Shane Victorino is actually gonn...

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My 8th birthday party was just like my sex life

Nobody came.

My boss is refusing to let my string quartet play for a coworker's birthday party next week.

He says he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to workplace violins.

What’s the Highlight of a Bulimic’s Birthday Party?

When the cake jumps out of the girl!

Ted’s grandmother pulls him aside at his eighth birthday party and hands him a five-dollar bill.

“Here, this is a little something extra from Grandma. But not a word of this to your brothers and sisters.”
The boy looks at the bill and responds, ...
"If you want me to stay quiet, it’s going to cost you a lot more.”

What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?

"Order 66!"

The animator had a birthday party.

Everyone brought gifs.

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my birthday party was crazy, filled with booze, fighting and sex

still, Im never inviting my uncle over again

funny joke I heard from a retired dad at a birthday party

A man walks into a pub with a tiny box in one hand, and a weird looking lamp in the other. He takes a seat right at the bar, orders a rum and coke, and opens the little box. He takes out a tiny little man and a very tiny piano. The tiny little man starts playing the piano like no tomorrow. The barte...

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I went to an ISIS birthday party once

The musical chairs were slow but fuck me pass the parcel was quick.

Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?

You're not missing much; the punch line blows.

I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party.

She said, "You are only eighteen once!"


I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."

The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today.

I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.

Clint Eastwood turns up to his grandaughter's 5th birthday party...

Knowing that she loves the circus, he presents her with a stunning custom-made clown cake.



She is absolutely delighted and claps her hands with glee.



The party is almost over, Clint and the little girl are the only ones left in the kitchen and they decide to finish wha...

After his birthday party, a little boy goes to his mother

Son: “Mom, you need to act funnier, especially in front of
my friends. You never make jokes!”

Mother: “I made you”

Birthday party

A boy was celebrating his 10th birthday. Because it was his 10th birthday his mom hired a magician. At the party the magician put on a great show, and for the final he disappeared. Everyone clapped and cheered except for the birthday boy. He said "Boo, my dad mastered that trick years ago. Your not ...

A little boy is in a birthday party with his mother

And as the party starts passing the little boy has to pee. And so naturally he calls for his mother. "Mommy, I have to pee!" The mother takes the boy to the bathroom and locks the door. The mother says to the boy "You can't be yelling across rooms that you need to pee. It's very rude. How about we h...

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A dad takes his kid to a birthday party

A dad takes his kid to a birthday party, and goes to sit down with the other parents. He's talking to the other parents, and realizes that he doesn't know where his kid went so he goes to look for him. He goes to the living room, barely making it through because there's so many people, and calls out...

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Loki decided to surprise Thor at his birthday party with a lady...

He introduces them, and Thor realizes the girl has a severe lisp. He tells Loki he just can't do it, and Loki assures him that despite her lisp, it will be the best night of his life.

Without another word between the two, the girl and Thor head off to his bedroom, and have an amazing night o...

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow

How can you tell which two year old birthday party is for the anti- vaxxer’s kid?

It’s the one being held in the cemetery.

Birthday Party

My friend's college mentor told her this story:

"So, my friend turned 32 last week, and we wanted to do something for his birthday so we put together a really quick party, only about half a minute long, and when the party ended, he was really confused and asked about the length of the party."...

I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...

...probably because I wasn't invited...

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The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!

He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don’t, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their ass! The leopard, with a smirk on his face, nods in agreement.

The next day everyone in the jungle are gathered for the party, ...

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Birthday Party

A woman is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out..... caterer, band, and even a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. G...

A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party...

A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party when she runs up to her uncle and firmly tells him: "When you gonna take me to Florida or don't you remember your promise?" Her uncle seem a little confused, and as he gazed down at her quizzically, and a twinkle in his eyes and stated- ...

I went to a bulimic birthday party.

First time I've seen the cake come out of the girl.

Why couldn't the post-it note make it to his son's birthday party?

Because he was stuck at the office!

A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,

and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.

The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said,...

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...

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So Grandpa is at the birthday party...

And all the kids gather around his feet to hear his ever-famous "I came face to face with a tiger" story. He has told the story many times and has his delivery down pat, all the kids are eagerly hanging on his every word. He reaches the most intense part of the story,"As I crept toward the beast, t...

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve

But he forgot to planet

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.
 

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so he m...

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A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

Getting old certainly has its benefits.

Every birthday party is a surprise birthday party when you reach 80 years of age.

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Gues...

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

Student: Sir! Can I ask you a question?

TEACHER: Yes!

STUDENT: How do you put an elephant inside a fridge?

TEACHER: I don't know.

STUDENT: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question!

TEACHER: Ok, ask.

STUDENT: How to put a donkey inside the fridge?

TEACHER: It's eas...

My Grandad lived to one hundred and one...

At his hundredth birthday party, he was asked "what's the secret to such a long life?"


He replied "with every meal I take a couple of drops of nitroglycerin. I think that's what's been keeping me going all these years."


He passed away a few years ago; he left behind 2 child...

My brother is illiterate

It was his 16th birthday party this past weekend, and boy was it awkward. He just couldn't read the room.

Looking for feedback on a terribad joke I made up

Last night at 7:30 I went to my uncle's sixty second birthday party...

It was over by 7:31.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

Bob is retiring

After 40 years of balancing our company's chequebooks and working his way up the corporate ladder to CFO, it was finally time for Bob to retire. Everybody loved Bob, so we wanted to make his retirement party special.

Bob was a bit of a wine connoisseur, so we needed to find him a great bottle...

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes

I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year

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Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class...

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

My favorite joke

If you have 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off how many do you now have?

>!499!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!Open the door, then put the elephant inside!<

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

>!Open the door, take the elephant...

An Asian woman has twins, a boy and a girl.

They came out within two seconds of each other, and the doctors forgot to record which one actually came out first. This was problematic for her as it had been a tradition in her family going back almost a thousand years to name the first born of each generation "Lin". After some discussion from her...

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