UPJOKE
anniversarycelebrationfestivalbirthday cakecelebratecakepartybirthdayparty hatunbirthdayfestivitypinatabeanohouse partybash

Birthday Party Jokes

I asked Schrodinger's Cat and Pavlov's Dog if they'd got the invitation to my birthday party.

The cats a maybe and the dog said it didn't ring any bells.
upvote downvote report

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...
upvote downvote report

Grandpa’s 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he sta...
upvote downvote report

Timothy goes to a birthday party

A little boy named Timothy goes to a birthday party with his father. When he arrives, the hostess asks him, "How are you, Timmy?"

Timothy replies, "I'm good."

"I think you have the wrong word there," the host chuckles, wanting to correct his grammar.

"Eh, whatever," Timothy shru...
upvote downvote report

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
upvote downvote report

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.
upvote downvote report

A woman died at her office birthday party.

She said she wanted yellow cake. Long story short, we're not allowed to have any more parties at the nuclear plant.
upvote downvote report

I got 50 dollars from my mom...

She told me to take my brother to the movies, but not to bring him home before 6, so they had time to prepare his surprise birthday party.

That's the day I realized he was the favorite twin.
upvote downvote report

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...
upvote downvote report

The cops in my town are looking for a suspect who they are calling “the birthday party thief”.

I’ve seen a lot of crazy criminals, … but this one takes the cake.
upvote downvote report

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...
upvote downvote report

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
upvote downvote report

How do you know when you're at a birthday party for a bulimic?

The cake jumps out of the girl.
upvote downvote report

Every year I get my daughter a bouncy castle for her birthday party.

This year I notices that the prices had almost doubled from this time last year.

I asked the guy behind the counter why the sudden price rise.

He told me “that’s just the price of inflation unfortunately”
upvote downvote report

I threw a surprise birthday party for my blind cousin.

He never saw it coming.
upvote downvote report

Why won't Pluto throw a birthday party?

It can't even planet
upvote downvote report

A girl invites her best friend to her Birthday party

At her birthday party while everyone else is away and having fun her best friend eats her whole cake. They catch her and of course the birthday girl is upset, but she manages to calm down and act like everything is fine, deciding to get her revenge another time.

Then several months later it's...
upvote downvote report

Why didn't Gandalf bring hookers to Bilbo's birthday party?

Because he is not a conjurer of cheap tricks.
upvote downvote report

The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today.

I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake.
upvote downvote report

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Gues...
upvote downvote report

I just called a bouncy house place for my kids birthday party...

We got one larger than last year but the guy quoted us 50% higher cost.

I asked him whats up with the price.

He said, blame inflation.
upvote downvote report

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow
upvote downvote report

What's a pirate's favorite part of a birthday party?

Dabloons
upvote downvote report

The animator had a birthday party.

Everyone brought gifs.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to an ISIS birthday party once

The musical chairs were slow but fuck me pass the parcel was quick.

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.
upvote downvote report

Why didn’t Earth get a birthday party?

Because no one was interested to planet.
upvote downvote report

Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,

I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a birthday party

Everyone brings the birthday girl all sorts of gifts but this one uncle of hers decided to bring them nothing but a walnut. The parents were so furious that they decided to shove the walnut up his ass but the guy was crying laughing the whole time. The parents asked him why, and he said that his fri...

What did Tommy get when his birthday party was held during the epidemic?

Arrested
upvote downvote report

It's my 97th Birthday party!!!

I keep getting invited to these things.
upvote downvote report

Talk about unfair. My friend's mom kicked me out of the birthday party when I'd clearly won the scavenger hunt.

She was all like "I don't care how many vultures you shot, get those things out of here!"
upvote downvote report

That was a great birthday party I went to last night.

Nice looking women, great food, good music. Everyone just having a good time

And they didn't even notice me staring in through the crack in the curtains.
upvote downvote report

My mother asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party.

That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 8th birthday party was just like my sex life

Nobody came.

Birthday party

A boy was celebrating his 10th birthday. Because it was his 10th birthday his mom hired a magician. At the party the magician put on a great show, and for the final he disappeared. Everyone clapped and cheered except for the birthday boy. He said "Boo, my dad mastered that trick years ago. Your not ...
upvote downvote report

A little boy is in a birthday party with his mother

And as the party starts passing the little boy has to pee. And so naturally he calls for his mother. "Mommy, I have to pee!" The mother takes the boy to the bathroom and locks the door. The mother says to the boy "You can't be yelling across rooms that you need to pee. It's very rude. How about we h...
upvote downvote report

Birthday Party

My friend's college mentor told her this story:

"So, my friend turned 32 last week, and we wanted to do something for his birthday so we put together a really quick party, only about half a minute long, and when the party ended, he was really confused and asked about the length of the party."...
upvote downvote report

Why didn't Tom Hiddleston want a big birthday party?

He wanted to keep it Loki
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Birthday Party

A woman is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out..... caterer, band, and even a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. G...

I was messing around at my great grandma's 100th birthday Party

So she asked me to act my age. I replied with "you should also act your age".

This is the story of how my Great Grandma's Birthday Party turned into her funeral.
upvote downvote report

When you go to a regular birthday party, there’s one cake

When you go to Nicki Minaj’s birthday party, there’s *two* cakes
upvote downvote report

A friend of mine and I were both born on 4/20.

We always have a joint birthday party.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my birthday party was crazy, filled with booze, fighting and sex

still, Im never inviting my uncle over again

funny joke I heard from a retired dad at a birthday party

A man walks into a pub with a tiny box in one hand, and a weird looking lamp in the other. He takes a seat right at the bar, orders a rum and coke, and opens the little box. He takes out a tiny little man and a very tiny piano. The tiny little man starts playing the piano like no tomorrow. The barte...
upvote downvote report

I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party.

She said, "You are only eighteen once!"


I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."
upvote downvote report

Clint Eastwood turns up to his grandaughter's 5th birthday party...

Knowing that she loves the circus, he presents her with a stunning custom-made clown cake.



She is absolutely delighted and claps her hands with glee.



The party is almost over, Clint and the little girl are the only ones left in the kitchen and they decide to finish wha...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the 30 year old virgins' birthday party?

It was celibatory

Doctor: Good news! We organized a birthday party for you.

Man: But my birthday isn’t till next month.

Doctor: Which brings me to the bad news..
upvote downvote report

After his birthday party, a little boy goes to his mother

Son: “Mom, you need to act funnier, especially in front of
my friends. You never make jokes!”

Mother: “I made you”
upvote downvote report

A father is planning a birthday party for his son, who is a huge Phillies fan.

The father recently befriended a sports agent, so he reaches out:

"Hey Mike, my kid's birthday is coming up on the 27th and I wanted to see if you could pull some strings to have someone from the Phillies make an appearance at his party."

"Yeah, I think Shane Victorino is actually gonn...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Loki decided to surprise Thor at his birthday party with a lady...

He introduces them, and Thor realizes the girl has a severe lisp. He tells Loki he just can't do it, and Loki assures him that despite her lisp, it will be the best night of his life.

Without another word between the two, the girl and Thor head off to his bedroom, and have an amazing night o...

Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?

You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
upvote downvote report

If there are 502 bricks in a plane and 1 falls off, how many are left?

>!501.!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.!<

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

>!You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.!<

So, the ...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Grandpa is at the birthday party...

And all the kids gather around his feet to hear his ever-famous "I came face to face with a tiger" story. He has told the story many times and has his delivery down pat, all the kids are eagerly hanging on his every word. He reaches the most intense part of the story,"As I crept toward the beast, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!

He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don’t, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their ass! The leopard, with a smirk on his face, nods in agreement.

The next day everyone in the jungle are gathered for the party, ...

My boss is refusing to let my string quartet play for a coworker's birthday party next week.

He says he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to workplace violins.
upvote downvote report

I remember the time my cousin completely lost it and threw a giant fit at her 12th birthday party. After she changed her outfit she was fine...

It was a post dramatic dress
upvote downvote report

A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,

and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.

The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said,...
upvote downvote report

A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party...

A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party when she runs up to her uncle and firmly tells him: "When you gonna take me to Florida or don't you remember your promise?" Her uncle seem a little confused, and as he gazed down at her quizzically, and a twinkle in his eyes and stated- ...
upvote downvote report

Ted’s grandmother pulls him aside at his eighth birthday party and hands him a five-dollar bill.

“Here, this is a little something extra from Grandma. But not a word of this to your brothers and sisters.”
The boy looks at the bill and responds, ...
"If you want me to stay quiet, it’s going to cost you a lot more.”
upvote downvote report

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...
upvote downvote report

At my cousin's birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said "It's amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!"

That's the last quinceañera I get invited to.
upvote downvote report

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.
upvote downvote report

Ray has just reached his 110th birthday. A reporter comes to his birthday party and says, “Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to be so old?” Ray replies, “It’s easy. The secret is never to argue with anyone.”

The reporter is not impressed. “That’s insane!” he says. “It has to be something else – diet, meditation, or ‘something.’ Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 110 years!” Ray looks at the reporter and says, “Y’know, maybe you’re right.”
upvote downvote report

My wife put me in charge of buying prizes for the games at our 5 year old's birthday party.

I got a bag of fusilli and a bag of penne. They're going to love pasta parcel.
upvote downvote report

What did Palpatine say to the intern when they asked how many pizzas they needed for his birthday party?

"Order 66!"
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party?

He wanted something a little more Loki.
upvote downvote report

I was at my friend’s birthday party, when I got a call that my astronaut son quit his job.

He just said he felt like he was misson out
upvote downvote report

Why couldn't the post-it note make it to his son's birthday party?

Because he was stuck at the office!
upvote downvote report

How can you tell which two year old birthday party is for the anti- vaxxer’s kid?

It’s the one being held in the cemetery.
upvote downvote report

I went to a 4-year olds birthday party once, it was kinda awkward...

...probably because I wasn't invited...
upvote downvote report

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve

But he forgot to planet
upvote downvote report

I like to tell Dad jokes

But he never finds them funny.

So I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes. It didn’t go over too well, I was asked to leave the orphanage.

My wife asked me to stop with the corny dad jokes. I was doing to do one about chemistry, but now I’m afraid of the reaction.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information