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Owners Jokes

Why don’t BMW owners use their turn signals?

They’re too stubborn to pay the monthly subscription fee!

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

"My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee."

"I know," replied the second dog owner, "my dog told me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try...

...my fucking goldfish died.

What’s the motto of the association of boomerang owners?

What goes around, comes around.

Two electric car owners were seen today fighting over a charging port.

The police have said it was a charged environment and they will amp up patrols around area. A lot of witnesses were shocked and some saw someone socket to the other.

Where do Alfa Romeo owners go to meet Land Rover owners?

The bus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all new iPad owners.

When you masturbate in front of your new device, make sure to put some porn on its screen to avoid embarrassment.

Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse.

They’ll never tell you when they’re turning.

My wife doesn’t like it when I support female business owners.

…And she told me to stop calling OnlyFans girls that.

[Hardware joke] How many RTX 4090 owners does it take to light up a lightbulb?

I don't know, but the entire house's lighting up too.

List if 10 worst dog breeds

1. There
2. Are
3. No
4. Bad
5. Dog
6. Breeds
7. Only
8. Bad
9. Owners
10. Chihuahuas

I like a house that shows sign of wear and tear from previous owners.

But all the police keep saying is "That doesn't explain the blood on the walls."

Tesla owners are the new vegans:

How do you know if someone is a Tesla owner?
They'll tell you.

The owners of my local strip club have closed until further notice

Apparently nobody wants to twerk anymore!

Two restaurant owners.

Two old restaurateurs run into each other in the lobby of an office building.

"How's it going?" asks one.

"Oof!" says the other. "Business was down from covid, the rent was due, and to top it off there was a fire in the kitchen that burned the whole place down. I'm just here to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three tech owners are sitting in a room together.

The first, the owner of Samsung, says “I call my phones Androids because I named it after my penis, because it’s a machine!”

The second, Steve Jobs, said, “Me too! I named it Apple because girls like to suck my penis like a candied apple!

Bill Gates slowly stood up, and quietly left th...

The owners of a 'Happy Days' themed restaurant are being investigated for fraud for paying existing investors with new investors money.

Experts are referring to it as the world first Fonzie Scheme.

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.

I know, says the second owner.<...

What phrase should a veterinarian never say to their patient's owners?

Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

Why do Mac owners think they are superior?

Because they need to command everything.

What did the slaves owners use to purchase their slaves?

A MasterCard.

Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they’ve noticed their owners are now wearing masks

Cats are unaffected though as they’re yet to notice their owners at all

Dogs have owners

Cats have staff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a vibrator and the 12 European Super League club owners?

The European Super League owners are real dicks.

Most iPhone owners don't know this one simple trick to save hundreds.

Buys android *

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