This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A billionaire was having a party at his house

And in his back yard he had a huge pool with great white sharks in it.
He announced to everyone at the party that whoever could swim across the pool without getting attacked could either have all his money, his wife, or his house.
So when everyone got back to talking all of a sudden a guy is ...

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "O...

Billionaire's Party

A billionaire built a large pool for his man eating shark. At parties he would tell guests, “If anyone can swim the length of this pool then I will give you one of three things: $10 million, half of my estate, or the hand of my daughter in marriage.”

No one ever took the billionaire up on the...

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..."

My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"


I said "no, he also wished he was..."

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

‟It is simple” billionaire boasts....
‟I faked my age”

‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensati...

An old billionaire marries a young woman.

He tells his wife that his only wish is to be buried with all of his wealth. The wife agreed without a second thought. Months went by and the man sadly passed away.

At the funeral, his wife walked up to the casket with an envelope in her hand. Solemnly, she placed the envelope in the casket w...

i heard on the news that some message board site is bankrupting wall street billionaires

"reddit?"

no i said i HEARD it

How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

What celebrity billionaire should have a cologne named after them?

Elon Musk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex offender, creep and a billionaire walk into a Manhattan bar

The bartender says
Wow Mr Epstein what'll it be.

How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero ?

Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.

I made a meme about billionaires and their wealth...

...but I couldn't share it.

Two billionaires, Bill and Mark are talking:

Bill: "Do you know how to become a millionaire?"

Mark: "How?"

Bill: "Get married."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Henry Kissinger was once asked to explain what shuttle diplomacy was.

– Oh! It is a never-failing old Jewish method. Let me give you an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller’s daughter to a lad from a Siberian village.
– How would you do that?
– Easy. I go to a Siberian village, find there a young man and ask him, “Would you like to marry an American Je...

Would You Rather Wake Up A Billionaire, Or A Homeless Person?

Probably The Homeless Person. He can't kick you out!


Thank you, I'll be here all quarantine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "What can I get you Mr. President.?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

A 60 year old billionaire went to the bar with his 25 year old wife

His friend asked how he got her.
He said he lied about his age.
“You said you were 45?” His friend asked
“No I said I was 90” he answered.

SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale.

**BATMAN:** *[shifts uncomfortably in his chair]*

What do parties hosted by billionaires have in common with hardware stores?

They're both filled with tools.

Apparently Darth Vader has a right-wing billionaire cousin

His name is Tax E. Vader

A communist kidnaps a billionaire.

A communist extremist captures and kidnaps a well known billionaire. Several rescue operations and search missions took place, but they could not find the billionaire. Eventually however, the communist was caught, and arrested. In order to help find the billionaire, the communist was interrogated. <...

What do you call a muslim billionaire?

Profit Muhammad.

What do you call it when some billionaires smoke pot?

High society

A magazine editor interviews a billionaire about his success in life

Editor: "Sir, during your life, you made an outstanding fortune. How did you do it exactly?"

Billionaire: "I started a business of messenger pigeons"

Editor: "Pigeons that deliver mail. That's great! How many have you sold?"

Billionaire: "Just one. But she always came back."

The good news is that you're going to live the rest of your life like a billionaire.

The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.

I invested my dad's money in stocks and made him a millionaire.

He used to be a billionaire.

How to be a millionaire

Step 1: Be a Billionaire.
Step 2: Play Jazz.

Can a woman make you a millionaire?

Sure, if you're a billionaire when you meet her!

New female billionaire emerges

From expensive divorce settlement.

I asked my friend for some support because I wanted to be billionaire

Me: Joe, I want to be a billionaire like my uncle

Joe: Your uncle is a billionaire?

Me: No, we just both want to be.

Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire!"

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha ching

An eccentric billionaire's beloved pet hog was very ill...

...and his private vet was away so he had to find a last minute specialist. Vets from around the world sent word that they would come to his aid right away, jumping at the chance to look at the animal, thereby winning the rich old man's admiration and the huge bill that would come from top notch car...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.

When it came to Johnny he said, “I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I’ll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.”

The teacher was lost for...

A 50 year old billionaire walks in to a pub with his 25 year old girlfriend

His buddy asks him how i managed to get a girl half his age.
The billionaire replied: i lied about my age
His friend asked: you told her you where 40?
No said the billionaire i told her i was 90

A billionaire, a schmuck and an immigrant walk into a bakery...

The billionaire takes 9 out of the 10 cakes in the store, points to the immigrant and tells the schmuck: "Watch out, he's gonna take that 1 cake".

A billionaire is leaving his doctor's office when he gets stopped and reminded to pay

"Doctor," he says, I've decided not to pay you for your services. Instead, I'm writing you into my will. Will that suffice?"

"Of course," replies the doctor. "But can you please give me back that prescription? I need to make a small change."

A billionaire gets an idea to build a bridge from Los Angeles to Hawaii

He approaches a civil engineer to design this massive bridge for him.

The engineer tells him, “Look, this isn’t a matter of money, it simply can’t be done. The Pacific Ocean is too deep, no concrete beam could support the pressure of the depths, let alone the thousands that would be needed to...

There was once a billionaire philanthropist with a curious idea....

"What would happen if he gave modern musical instruments to tribal people who have never been in contact with the outer world? He decided to do just that, and to return after 10 years. The tribesmen were given an electric guitar, bass, a drum kit, digital keys, everything needed to make music with o...

One armed Billionaire walked into the Casino.

He puts a few million dollars on the blackjack table and wins every hand for 2 hours.

The pit boss walks over and says "Oh my God...he's about to take down the Casino....Single-Handedly"

What did the billionaire say to the girl who was not sure?

Honey unlike a birthday cake you'll actually get what you wish for if you blow me.

Billionaires and Christians have a lot in common.

For instance, just like Jesus, Jeffrey Epstein died for their sins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business ...

NSFW How many billionaires and politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They don’t screw in light bulbs. They screw in Epstein’s plane.

The billionaire and the architect

Los Angeles has always been a place for these massive feats of human accomplishment. Case in point, in 1989, a local billionaire spent millions of his own money to create a unique building of fantastic architecture, one that would draw people in for thousands of miles. He hired a small time architec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An extravagant billionaire made his fortunes selling concrete. Life got lavish and boring. One day he gets in an argument with another bored gentleman about the possibility of creating a flying airplane out of concrete. Billionaire gets excited and decides to build one whatever it takes.

First, he goes to an American aerospace company.

"Can you build an airplane out of concrete?"
"That's going to be very difficult."
"I don't care how difficult. Can you?"
"That will cost $3 bln. and will take 3 years".
"OK, fine".

3 years and $3 bln later, on time ...

Kylie Jenner is a self-made billionaire!

Just like her dad is a self-made woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat billionaire was found dead in his mansion

They're saying the butter did it

A Billionaire's Proposition

A billionaire asked a woman, "Would you sleep with me for half my money?"

The woman said, "Yes I would."

To which he said, "How about for $25?"

She angrily responded with, "Hell no! What kind of woman do you think I am?!"

He looked her dead in the eye and stated, "We ...

My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference.

Skim milk has never tasted so good.

I've been telling everyone I was a billionaire when apparently I wasn't

Well I didn't know that just having multiple zeroes in your bank accounts don't count.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A billionaire was celebrating his 50th birthday

At party he grabbed a mic and said

"There are 2 sharks in my swimming pool, if one of you can swim from one side to the other I'll give him whatever he asks for"

No one dared to jump in the water until suddenly everyone heard a splash and saw a man swimming as fast as he could.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One fine day, a billionaire was walking his dog.

Suddenly a man ran out from the bushes in front of him and shot the poor dog three times. The billionaire screamed at the killer, "Why did you do that?". The killer answered, "Your wife gave me $50,000 and said to "Go kill that son-of-a-bitch"".

The billionaire hugged the killer & said .....

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town....

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town. He has everything a billionaire could possibly have including: tennis courts, go cart track, mini-golf, private airplane, and a huge mansion. The main attraction however is the biggest swimming pool you've ever seen, and inside that pool, the worlds ...

A dying billionaire found a young man to inherit his fortunes.

"I have two plans for you to inherit my money, think carefully after I finish: you can take 1 million a day, until the 100th day, or I can give you 1 cent on the first day, then two cents, then..."

"I'll take the second option" The young man interrupted him.

100 days later, the young m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eccentric billionaire throws a lavish party...

Please bear with me as I heard/read this one years ago so I might not recall the details correctly:

An eccentric billionaire is throwing a lavish party with guests from all over the world. As the party is well under way he asks his guests to walk over to his Olympic sized swimming pool where...

I work at a multi billionaire company

I love McDonalds!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". T...

That billionaire from New England is innocent.

He thought he was buying a hookah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.

He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

The Spaniard will be in ch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So apparently Kevin Spacey's new movie "Billionaire Boys Club" did horribly at the box office.

No shit.

That would be like Mel Gibson for his comeback, starring in a movie called "I Still Hate the Jews."

What does a sick billionaire say?

"I feel like a million bucks"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60’s together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It’s perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billi...

How would you know who is a billionaire in a black tie event?

Look for the dude wearing a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers

Imagine a billionaire, which can't afford basic things

Because, he's from Zimbabwe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich billionaire and a poor man meet for Christmas

As their yearly tradition goes, they meet and tell each other what they got their wives for Christmas. The rich man goes first.

" I got my wife a Mercedes-Benz and a ring made from the world's rarest diamonds for my wife for Christmas."

"Why so?" asks the poor man

"Well, I boug...

There Are 492 Billionaires In The U.S

And Not One Of Those Losers Has Decided To Become Batman.

What do you call it when a billionaire loses a lot of money?

A cash-tastrophe

If i had a nickel for every time someone forgot my name

I would be the first billionaire known as “man” or “fella”

USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires

I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi billionaire throws a party. NSFW long

He has a massive pool with all the man eating sea creatures in it. During his party he steps up to a podium and announces to his guests that the first person to swim from side to side of his pool will receive a million dollars. No one is willing to risk it so he makes another offer of a million doll...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] A rich man suffer from extreme arachnophobia, and is searching for a cure.

He calls the best scientist, psychiatrists and even folk healers, but no one of them is able to solve his problem.


Depressed, the man goes into a bar to drown his sorrows, and tell the bartender of his issue. The man begin to tell a tale he inherited from his grandpa: "Deep into the wo...

I'm not sure why there's a lot a backlash over Kylie Jenner being called a self made billionaire by Forbes

When you think about it, she ain't the only Jenner to be a self made woman.

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

A billionaire, a clown, and a presidential candidate walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?"

The billionaire was taking his bath when he had to fart...

Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his manservant, he said "Jeeves, go downstairs and fetch me a cup of coffee."
"Very good, sir" said the butler and made for the bathroom door.
By now the billionaire was struggling to hold it in, but finally Jeeves closed the door behind him. A subs...

Thanks to my wife I’m now a millionaire

Also, I lost my place on the forbes billionaire list.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old multi-billionaire is lying on his deathbed...

And he calls his 3 best friends into the room.

&nbsp;

"Now look," he says, "I know I won't be alive much longer, and you know I love my money. I want to prove to my family that you CAN take it with you when you go. So, to keep them from getting their greedy mitts on my money, I'm ...

An interviewer goes to the house of a millionaire..

Interviewer:- Who made you into a millionaire?
Millionaire:- My wife..
Interviewer:- Nice. What were you before being a millionaire?
Millionaire:- A Billionaire....

A billionaire has a billion dollars. A millionaire has a million dollars. What do you call a person with ten dollars?

A college student.

Billionaire needs a transfusion

A billionaire business man is in hospital dying, and he desperately needs a blood transfusion. So he tells his Jewish friend, "I'll pay you 1 million dollars if you let me use your blood form my operation."

His Jewish friend agrees.

A few weeks later the business man needs yet another ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian billionaire moved to London…

A Russian billionaire moved to London, but after a week he felt terribly ill. So he went to the doctor. “Doctor, doctor,” he said, “I just moved here from Moscow, and I feel so terribly sick.” The doctor examined him and said, “I think I have just the cure. This is what you need to do: get a bucket,...

Ingvar Kamrad, the founder of IKEA, is a multi-billionaire.

I guess he's self-made.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A billionaire commissions an artist to paint a mural in one of his currently white walls in his mansion...

The billionaire is a huge history buff. He tells the artist to depict his interpretation of the final thoughts of General Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He trusts the highly recommended artist that upon his return in a week, the mural will be incredible.

The billionaire returns a w...

How do you get a billionaire to donate their fortune to Planned Parenthood?

Take them to a PG rated movie.

Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status.

He now goes by Mill Gates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a multi billionaire was bored, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.

A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've got a deal you can't refuse. Whoever can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leeches may have whatever his heart desires."

No one replies so the man gives up.

All of a sudden the man hears a sp...

So a Jew, a blonde, and a Narcissistic billionaire walks into a bar...

Then the bartender says: These presidental elections are starting to seem like a joke.

The company I worked for was bought out by a billionaire from Spain...

We didn't expect the Spanish Acquisition.

What do you call all the money billionaire Donald spent on the election?

Trump change

A similarity about the job of President and Astronaut.

Educated, brave or ex-military there is a persona of the role, and the strife to get there. On the other hand, if you're a billionaire, for enough cash you can land yourself a seat up there with the help of Russia.

A blonde marries an elderly billionaire...

When the two are engaged, her friends and family remind her, "Make sure he puts you in the will!!"

When the two are walking down the aisle, her friends and family whisper, "Make sure he puts you in the will!!"

When the two are on their Honeymoon, her friends and family phone to say, "M...

A reporter is interviewing a millionare

Reporter:how did you became a millionare?

Millionare: All of this is because of my wife, she helps me a lot

Reporter: Then what were you when u haven't met ur wife

Millionare: A billionaire.

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

Whoever wins the MegaMillions jackpot will make history

They'll be the first billionaire to pay taxes

Did you hear the one about the billionaire who went broke?

Neither did I.

Warning... Corny level is over 9000... What do you call a billionaire fish?

A gillionaire

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.