I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..."

My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"


I said "no, he also wished he was..."

Three billionaires are out golfing together

Suddenly, a ringing sound is heard. The first of the three pulls an earpiece out of his pocket and takes a call. When finished, he brags to the others about how fancy it is.

After some time, another phone starts ringing. The second man starts talking seemingly into this air. When asked, he ex...

A 75 yr old Billionaire came to the Bar with his gorgeous 25 yr old wife!

Friend: "How did you convince her to marry you?"

Billionaire: "I lied about my age!"

Friend: "You said 58?"

Billionaire: "No! I told her I was 90"

A billionaire buys an elephant

Two billionaire friends meet. After a casual conversation, one of them finally asks: So, how's your home life?

The other answers: Couldn't be better! I bought an elephant!

The other guy looks at him astonished: An elephant? Have you gone mad?

The guy replies, smiling: Oh, man, ...

What do you call 3 billionaires going to outer space?

A good start.

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "O...

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A billionaire was having a party at his house

And in his back yard he had a huge pool with great white sharks in it.
He announced to everyone at the party that whoever could swim across the pool without getting attacked could either have all his money, his wife, or his house.
So when everyone got back to talking all of a sudden a guy is ...

If you invested early into Tesla stocks, you would be a millionaire. If you invested early into Apple, you would be a billionaire. If you invested £10 in 1890,

You would be dead.

A dumb billionaire walks into a bar and orders a pint. The female bartender notices how attractive he is and slips him her number on a tissue.

" Preposterous! I could get laid for this much!"

Elon Musk announces he will be the next billionaire to go to outer space.

He realized it’s the only way he’ll actually get Doge to the moon.

Billionaire space tourists are like buses …

You wait ages for one to arrive and then two come along at the same time

(Credit : BBC presenter Bill)

Elon Musk has been captured by a fellow billionaire and is now trapped in a medieval rack.

He is to henceforth be known as Elon Gates.

Billionaire's Party

A billionaire built a large pool for his man eating shark. At parties he would tell guests, “If anyone can swim the length of this pool then I will give you one of three things: $10 million, half of my estate, or the hand of my daughter in marriage.”

No one ever took the billionaire up on the...

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

‟It is simple” billionaire boasts....
‟I faked my age”

‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensati...

An old billionaire marries a young woman.

He tells his wife that his only wish is to be buried with all of his wealth. The wife agreed without a second thought. Months went by and the man sadly passed away.

At the funeral, his wife walked up to the casket with an envelope in her hand. Solemnly, she placed the envelope in the casket w...

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

i heard on the news that some message board site is bankrupting wall street billionaires

"reddit?"

no i said i HEARD it

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A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

A plane crashed into an island and three friends were the only survivors

A blonde, redhead and brunette were left stranded on the island. Figured they would need help to get off the island, they split up to look any inhabitants that might help them.

The redhead stumbled on a magical lamp, rubbed it and out came a genie. "I will grant you one wish," said the genie....

How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

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A sex offender, creep and a billionaire walk into a Manhattan bar

The bartender says
Wow Mr Epstein what'll it be.

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Little Johnny's got his priorities straight

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a jewelry and shit worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throu...

I made a meme about billionaires and their wealth...

...but I couldn't share it.

What's the fastest way to become a millionaire?

Be a billionaire and start an airline.





^((airlines is one of the riskiest business industry))

Would You Rather Wake Up A Billionaire, Or A Homeless Person?

Probably The Homeless Person. He can't kick you out!


Thank you, I'll be here all quarantine.

SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale.

**BATMAN:** *[shifts uncomfortably in his chair]*

The good news is that you're going to live the rest of your life like a billionaire.

The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.

A communist kidnaps a billionaire.

A communist extremist captures and kidnaps a well known billionaire. Several rescue operations and search missions took place, but they could not find the billionaire. Eventually however, the communist was caught, and arrested. In order to help find the billionaire, the communist was interrogated. <...

An eccentric billionaire's beloved pet hog was very ill...

...and his private vet was away so he had to find a last minute specialist. Vets from around the world sent word that they would come to his aid right away, jumping at the chance to look at the animal, thereby winning the rich old man's admiration and the huge bill that would come from top notch car...

How many billionaires does it take to create a superhero ?

Three. Two to die and one to never get over it.

Two billionaires, Bill and Mark are talking:

Bill: "Do you know how to become a millionaire?"

Mark: "How?"

Bill: "Get married."

A magazine editor interviews a billionaire about his success in life

Editor: "Sir, during your life, you made an outstanding fortune. How did you do it exactly?"

Billionaire: "I started a business of messenger pigeons"

Editor: "Pigeons that deliver mail. That's great! How many have you sold?"

Billionaire: "Just one. But she always came back."

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha ching

What do parties hosted by billionaires have in common with hardware stores?

They're both filled with tools.

I asked my friend for some support because I wanted to be billionaire

Me: Joe, I want to be a billionaire like my uncle

Joe: Your uncle is a billionaire?

Me: No, we just both want to be.

A 50 year old billionaire walks in to a pub with his 25 year old girlfriend

His buddy asks him how i managed to get a girl half his age.
The billionaire replied: i lied about my age
His friend asked: you told her you where 40?
No said the billionaire i told her i was 90

A billionaire, a schmuck and an immigrant walk into a bakery...

The billionaire takes 9 out of the 10 cakes in the store, points to the immigrant and tells the schmuck: "Watch out, he's gonna take that 1 cake".

There's two ways to walk out of a casino a millionaire...

1. Walking in as a billionaire
2. Walking in with a ski mask on and a gun in your hand

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The Leprechaun Joke

A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. After a while, the man needed to relieve himself, so he went to use the restroom.

The restroom was quite small and only had two urinals, one of which was being used by what appeared to be a little person. The man beg...

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town....

A billionaire throws a party for the whole town. He has everything a billionaire could possibly have including: tennis courts, go cart track, mini-golf, private airplane, and a huge mansion. The main attraction however is the biggest swimming pool you've ever seen, and inside that pool, the worlds ...

What do you call a muslim billionaire?

Profit Muhammad.

Apparently Darth Vader has a right-wing billionaire cousin

His name is Tax E. Vader

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An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business ...

A billionaire is leaving his doctor's office when he gets stopped and reminded to pay

"Doctor," he says, I've decided not to pay you for your services. Instead, I'm writing you into my will. Will that suffice?"

"Of course," replies the doctor. "But can you please give me back that prescription? I need to make a small change."

A billionaire gets an idea to build a bridge from Los Angeles to Hawaii

He approaches a civil engineer to design this massive bridge for him.

The engineer tells him, “Look, this isn’t a matter of money, it simply can’t be done. The Pacific Ocean is too deep, no concrete beam could support the pressure of the depths, let alone the thousands that would be needed to...

Thanks to my girlfriend, I am a millionaire.

I was a billionaire a few days before we met.

There was once a billionaire philanthropist with a curious idea....

"What would happen if he gave modern musical instruments to tribal people who have never been in contact with the outer world? He decided to do just that, and to return after 10 years. The tribesmen were given an electric guitar, bass, a drum kit, digital keys, everything needed to make music with o...

The billionaire and the architect

Los Angeles has always been a place for these massive feats of human accomplishment. Case in point, in 1989, a local billionaire spent millions of his own money to create a unique building of fantastic architecture, one that would draw people in for thousands of miles. He hired a small time architec...

What did the billionaire say to the girl who was not sure?

Honey unlike a birthday cake you'll actually get what you wish for if you blow me.

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A billionaire was celebrating his 50th birthday

At party he grabbed a mic and said

"There are 2 sharks in my swimming pool, if one of you can swim from one side to the other I'll give him whatever he asks for"

No one dared to jump in the water until suddenly everyone heard a splash and saw a man swimming as fast as he could.

...

A dying billionaire found a young man to inherit his fortunes.

"I have two plans for you to inherit my money, think carefully after I finish: you can take 1 million a day, until the 100th day, or I can give you 1 cent on the first day, then two cents, then..."

"I'll take the second option" The young man interrupted him.

100 days later, the young m...

Kylie Jenner is a self-made billionaire!

Just like her dad is a self-made woman.

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An eccentric billionaire throws a lavish party...

Please bear with me as I heard/read this one years ago so I might not recall the details correctly:

An eccentric billionaire is throwing a lavish party with guests from all over the world. As the party is well under way he asks his guests to walk over to his Olympic sized swimming pool where...

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Henry Kissinger was once asked to explain what shuttle diplomacy was.

– Oh! It is a never-failing old Jewish method. Let me give you an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller’s daughter to a lad from a Siberian village.
– How would you do that?
– Easy. I go to a Siberian village, find there a young man and ask him, “Would you like to marry an American Je...

My billionaire boss sent me out for a gallon of milk. "That's what, about $3000?" he asked. "Yes, sir," I replied. So I pick it up for him and kept the difference.

Skim milk has never tasted so good.

NSFW How many billionaires and politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They don’t screw in light bulbs. They screw in Epstein’s plane.

A Billionaire's Proposition

A billionaire asked a woman, "Would you sleep with me for half my money?"

The woman said, "Yes I would."

To which he said, "How about for $25?"

She angrily responded with, "Hell no! What kind of woman do you think I am?!"

He looked her dead in the eye and stated, "We ...

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One fine day, a billionaire was walking his dog.

Suddenly a man ran out from the bushes in front of him and shot the poor dog three times. The billionaire screamed at the killer, "Why did you do that?". The killer answered, "Your wife gave me $50,000 and said to "Go kill that son-of-a-bitch"".

The billionaire hugged the killer & said .....

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A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire.

A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.

He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:

The Spaniard will be in ch...

Billionaires and Christians have a lot in common.

For instance, just like Jesus, Jeffrey Epstein died for their sins.

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A fat billionaire was found dead in his mansion

They're saying the butter did it

I've been telling everyone I was a billionaire when apparently I wasn't

Well I didn't know that just having multiple zeroes in your bank accounts don't count.

Can a woman make her husband a millionaire?

Of course, if he’s a billionaire.

I work at a multi billionaire company

I love McDonalds!

What does a sick billionaire say?

"I feel like a million bucks"

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A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

That billionaire from New England is innocent.

He thought he was buying a hookah.

There Are 492 Billionaires In The U.S

And Not One Of Those Losers Has Decided To Become Batman.

Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire to?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire!"

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A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60’s together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It’s perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billi...

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The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.

When it came to Johnny he said, “I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I’ll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.”

The teacher was lost for...

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A rich billionaire and a poor man meet for Christmas

As their yearly tradition goes, they meet and tell each other what they got their wives for Christmas. The rich man goes first.

" I got my wife a Mercedes-Benz and a ring made from the world's rarest diamonds for my wife for Christmas."

"Why so?" asks the poor man

"Well, I boug...

How would you know who is a billionaire in a black tie event?

Look for the dude wearing a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers

Imagine a billionaire, which can't afford basic things

Because, he's from Zimbabwe

What do you call it when a billionaire loses a lot of money?

A cash-tastrophe

USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires

I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table

Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president.

We need Batman now more than ever

A billionaire, a clown, and a presidential candidate walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?"

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A multi billionaire throws a party. NSFW long

He has a massive pool with all the man eating sea creatures in it. During his party he steps up to a podium and announces to his guests that the first person to swim from side to side of his pool will receive a million dollars. No one is willing to risk it so he makes another offer of a million doll...

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An old multi-billionaire is lying on his deathbed...

And he calls his 3 best friends into the room.

&nbsp;

"Now look," he says, "I know I won't be alive much longer, and you know I love my money. I want to prove to my family that you CAN take it with you when you go. So, to keep them from getting their greedy mitts on my money, I'm ...

A billionaire has a billion dollars. A millionaire has a million dollars. What do you call a person with ten dollars?

A college student.

The billionaire was taking his bath when he had to fart...

Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of his manservant, he said "Jeeves, go downstairs and fetch me a cup of coffee."
"Very good, sir" said the butler and made for the bathroom door.
By now the billionaire was struggling to hold it in, but finally Jeeves closed the door behind him. A subs...

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A Russian billionaire moved to London…

A Russian billionaire moved to London, but after a week he felt terribly ill. So he went to the doctor. “Doctor, doctor,” he said, “I just moved here from Moscow, and I feel so terribly sick.” The doctor examined him and said, “I think I have just the cure. This is what you need to do: get a bucket,...

Billionaire needs a transfusion

A billionaire business man is in hospital dying, and he desperately needs a blood transfusion. So he tells his Jewish friend, "I'll pay you 1 million dollars if you let me use your blood form my operation."

His Jewish friend agrees.

A few weeks later the business man needs yet another ...

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A billionaire commissions an artist to paint a mural in one of his currently white walls in his mansion...

The billionaire is a huge history buff. He tells the artist to depict his interpretation of the final thoughts of General Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He trusts the highly recommended artist that upon his return in a week, the mural will be incredible.

The billionaire returns a w...

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One day a multi billionaire was bored, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.

A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've got a deal you can't refuse. Whoever can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, and leeches may have whatever his heart desires."

No one replies so the man gives up.

All of a sudden the man hears a sp...

Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status.

He now goes by Mill Gates.

How do you get a billionaire to donate their fortune to Planned Parenthood?

Take them to a PG rated movie.

So a Jew, a blonde, and a Narcissistic billionaire walks into a bar...

Then the bartender says: These presidental elections are starting to seem like a joke.

The company I worked for was bought out by a billionaire from Spain...

We didn't expect the Spanish Acquisition.

A blonde marries an elderly billionaire...

When the two are engaged, her friends and family remind her, "Make sure he puts you in the will!!"

When the two are walking down the aisle, her friends and family whisper, "Make sure he puts you in the will!!"

When the two are on their Honeymoon, her friends and family phone to say, "M...

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