My mom is officially cancer free!!

So, we were thinking of scattering her ashes by the ocean, or maybe keep them in an urn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ireland Declares War on France

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," the President of France ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im proud to announce, that I officially lost my virginity

God I wish I could post this in another subreddit

Billie Eilish is officially 18 now, do you know what that means?

She's old enough to order 12 fascinating issues of Zoobooks for $19.95 if she calls 1-800-441-2400. When she calls, they'll include the bonus Elephants issue, stickers, and Tiger Poster with her order.

The Cleveland Indians have officially decided on a new team name.

Say hello to your new Cleveland Redskins!

Winter is officially over!

Just saw 2 crackheads carry a space heater into a pawn shop.

I was telling my friend about an officially Jewish country, and she said it was fake.

I said it Israel.

PSA: Hindsight is officially out of style

It's sooooo 2020.

The W.H.O officially announced that dogs cannot get infected by the Coronavirus. Therefore, dogs can basically leave quarantine.

So, i guess you could say.... W.H.O let the dogs out.

The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine.

It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.

It's new year, I can officially say that I haven't showered since last year

And a half.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am officially a sex offender.

Every time I ask my wife for sex, she gets offended.

It's officially ridiculous. If I see one more Epstein joke on here I'm going to kill myself.

Just like he didnt.

The Washington Redskins just officially announced they are retiring their team name and logo.

The new team name is going to be the Washington Engines.

Syria has officially split into two separate countries.

They are now SyriA and SyriB

Apple have officially rebranded with the name APPLE

Due to their obsession with capitalising.

NASCAR is officially canceled

After discovering it's just a human traffic ring

Danika Patrick and Aaron Rodgers officially broke up.

I hear it was because she never finished first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new book I wrote about improving your basement just sold its millionth copy.

Its Officially A Best Cellar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America just announced about an hour ago that we officially have the world's most confirmed COVID-19 cases.

\#1 AGAIN, bitches.

Due to Coronavirus, we officially now have three days of the week

1. Yesterday

2. Today

3. Tomorrow

The UK is officially changing its name in honor of mental health awareness.

The new name being "U.O.K.?"

Now that I have officially divorced my wife, and she has chosen to keep my last name.

I wanted to be clear that you cannot trust a word she says.

Regards,

Mr Information.

Julie Andrews has officially stated

That she will no longer endorse cheap lipstick, due to it crumbling easily and making her breath smell. She explained,

“ The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”

An American couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose...

An American couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.

“I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.
“No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied.
“No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to ...

Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US.

Trump will make America grate again.

Scientology is officially recognised as a religion in the UK, rather than just a cult. A cult being a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice daft rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour.

Whereas a religion…….

Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me.

Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.

So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!

Well, when we ...

Jell-o has officially cut all ties with Bill Cosby.

They said the proof was in the pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill knows everyone

I met a man the other day named Bill the other day, and after introductions, he said, "I am glad to finally meet you. Now I officially know everybody on the planet."

"What?" I asked, "There is no way you can possibly know everyone on the Earth."

"It's true," he said, "You are the last...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new officially branded Robocop vibrator?

Some people are saying it's too strong or two intimidating. As just a point of this, as soon as you switch it on, a mechanical voice yells, "dead or alive, you're cumming with me!"

I'm now officially a member of A.C.R.O.N.Y.M

The Association for Chronic Inability to Identify Capital Letters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm officially the worst lover ever.

I was masturbating and my hand fell asleep.

I’m officially 3 months clean...

I have successfully taken a shower everyday for the past 90 days, hope this can continue!

What did the UN say to the Land of Pee when it officially became a country?

Urination.

Apparently, we are getting a make up year for 2020 because we missed so much of it due to COVID.

Next year is officially 2020: 2

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

I'm the officially the main owner of Old McDonald's Farm...

I'm the CIEIO!

Just lent this girl an umbrella

That officially makes the amount of girls I've made wet in my life -1

Breaking News: Snoopy has officially been retired from comics.

He was tired of working for Peanuts.

Following yesterday's vote, the British PM officially changed her name

She now goes by the name of Theresa May Notbetheretomorrow

EA is Officially Getting Rid of Micro-Transactions!!

And replacing them with macro-transactions.

There is a coin shortage in America

They are officially out of Common Cents

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