How do you deal with a bad umpire?

Two balls, one strike.

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Little League Sportsmanship

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The litt...

Why is it that when the head umpire yells, "Strike!"...

...all the other umpires keep working?

What is the difference between reddit and a homeplate umpire?

One pitches lefty views, and the other views lefty pitches.

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What did the umpire say to Hitler when he failed at baseball?

THREE REICHS, YOURE OUT!

One day a baseball umpire brought his son to a game to watch him work. Dutmring the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even to the point of spitting and cursing the players. At the end of the game he knelt down and beckoned his son to come sit on his knee. The boy refused saying . . .

The son never sits on the brutish umpire.

What's the difference between an umpire and an empire?

An umpire gives three strikes, but an Empire Strikes Back.

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

Have you heard of the new deodorant called umpire?

It's for foul balls!

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."

"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!”

What does the umpire say when he uses the bathroom?

Urine... you’re out!

God challenges the Devil to a game of baseball.

“How can I lose?” God said. “I have all the best players up here!”

“How can I lose?” Said the Devil. “I have all of the umpires down here.”

The one about the mental patients and the baseball game

There once was a doctor at a mental hospital, who had to take care of the craziest and most mentally unstable patients in the hospital, which they called the "nuts." The doctor, along with his assistant, would soon get through a breakthrough by giving them simple orders and addressing them as "nuts....

A cricket joke.

What does a cricket umpire say while practising in front of the mirror?

"I'll show myself out."

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A Scottish man was at a baseball game.

It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached home plate, he took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming, "run, run!" This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.

The Scotchman was now exited and ...

Today I called someone out for trying to steal

I love being an umpire

What do you call Dracula when he doesn't know what to say next?

An Umpire

Jungle animals started a softball league...

The teams are separated by species.

A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.

He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."

"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just wa...

The makers of summers eve

The makers of summers eve has release a new product line for men. A spray for men called umpire, for foul balls.

I know it's bad...

Last night's baseball game was epic. The two teams had rosters full of the most popular players in the league. It also marked the comeback of popular SS Jed Marksby from a severe ocular injury. The game ended on a check swing that was appealed to the 3rd base ump. He called it a strike and the h...

Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

...

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A man is playing in his cricket league's final, and is just about to bowl when he notices a funeral procession walking past.

He immediately stops, takes off his cap, and bows his head until they pass.

"That was real sportsmanship you showed there." the Umpire tells him at the end of the match.

"Well it was the least I could do," replies the man. "It was my wife's funeral."

Serena Williams was fined $17k

Verbal abuse of the umpire: $10,000

Being warned for coaching: $4,000

Breaking her racket: $3,000

Stealing the moment from Osaka by calling the umpire a thief: Priceless

The Old Ball Game

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" and th...

God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.

Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We'...

I'm not saying I'm lazy, but during a game of tennis...

The umpire said "break point" and I headed for my chair.

Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?

The sun never sets on the British umpire.

Walk with Pride

A man moves from Scotland to the US and attends his first baseball game. After a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run! Run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman  stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent:  "R-r-r-un, yah bloody bahstard.   R-r-run!...

A Scotsman...

newly immigrated to the U.S. wants to immerse himself in American life, so he goes to a baseball game. He has no clue how it's played, but every time the batter takes off for first base all the people around him yell, "Run! Run!" So he stands up and yells, "Rrrrun, laddie! Rrrrun!"

In the fou...

A bunch of Hollywood celebrities formed two baseball teams...

...to raise money for a charity.

The day of the match arrived and everyone was ready. The celebrities were dressed in their outfits, some practising their throws and catches, others practising their swing. Russell Crowe was selected to umpire.

The match started, and the two teams, "The...

Irish man's first baseball game.

An Irish man went to his first American baseball game. As the first batter made a hit, fans jumped up yelling, "RUN! RUN!"

The Irish man jumped up as well yelling, "Run, laddie! Run laddie!"

The next batter got up and made his hit. The fans again cheered, "RUN! RUN!"

The Irish m...

A baseball pitcher is walking home...

after a long and exhausting game. Suddenly, bright lights appear in the sky directly above him, and a beautiful angel descends from above, wearing an umpire's mask and a catcher's mitt.

The pitcher looks up, gapes and thinks, "Heavens! She's so pretty."

Without skipping a beat, his sho...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

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Best Cricket Joke Ever!

(Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by
Harold "Dickie" Bird)

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character,
played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He
used to bat at No.11 since one
couldn't bat any lower. Of him, they used to
paraphrase Compton's famous ...

I got called racist for saying 'pitch black'

The umpire disqualified me and told me I struck out and that the better thing to say would be 'Jamal, I'm ready for your fastball'.

A Scotsman moves to America [long]

This is probably been here before, but I still think it's a good one.

A Scotsman moves to America. His new coworkers invite him to a baseball game. He decides to go to try to learn more about American culture. He has a $12 hot dog and a warm beer. Throughout the game, people keep jumping up ...

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