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I got an STD, a Super Thick Dick

Nah, just kidding, I have AIDS

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What do you call it when you get a mysterious STD on your dick?

A real head scratcher

STDs are a lot like Pokemon...

It's hard to catch them all, but once you do, the game is pretty much over.

What do you call an incredibly strong STD?

Herpules

(This joke has been brought to you by my 14 yr old son)

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What do Pokemon and STDs have in common?

If you toss your balls around randomly for long enough you're bound to catch one

What kind of STD's do fish get?

**Merm-aids**

What was the most rampant STD in the crocodile community in the 1980s? (NSFW)

GatorAIDS.

What's the similarity between a grenade and an STD?

Fire in the hole!

A man contracted a rare STD...

He finally went to the hospital to get his manhood examined.

He nervously took off his pants, "Doctor, what is wrong with me? It's been getting more and more painful down there."

After close examination, the doctor said in a grim voice, "I'm afraid we have to perform surgery to have ...

A board game wherein players have to figure out who gave them an STD.

New from Johnson & Johnson: Clue-midia.

At least I know I can't get an STD from my ex!

It was a KleenEX

What do you call an STD from Lord of The Rings?

Gondorrhea

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Dad, a girl invited me over to her house

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget." ...

I carry tissues around with me so I never get an STD

I always have kleenexes

What kind of STD can you get from a mermaid?

Seaphilis.

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What STD do you get from phone sex?

Hearing AIDS

What did the lime say when he caught a STD

I got lemonaids

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Daddy do you want a STD? NSFW (Kinda)

My son walked up to me yesterday and asked me if I wanted a STD. I asked him where he heard that phrase and he said that he saw it on YouTube, I said sure I would like a STD just to see what in the fuck he was talking about then he casually ran to the pantry, opened the doors and grabbed the donuts ...

Two rednecks join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks

Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"

If coronavirus was an STD

... would Reddit even know it existed?

Two std's crossing the road.

All of a sudden a lorry approached at a very high speed.

One says to the other I think I am a gonorrhoea.

Explaining a joke is a bit like an STD at an orgy

Generally everyone gets it in the end but it’s not really funny

Pokèmons are like STDs ....

I caught them all and now the fun is over.

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A kid trying to catch an STD

The police pick up a young kid at 2 am, in the red light district and ask him what he's doing

"Looking for a prostitute" "Why do you want to find a prostitute?" "So I can catch an STD!" "Why would you want to do that?"

"Well, if I can catch something, I'll sleep with my nanny and she'l...

What’s the most common STD in Harry Potter?

Hog Warts

Did you hear about the Scottish man who thought he had an std?

It turns out he was just allergic to wool.

My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD.

Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.

What STD do Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica all share?

The *clap clap clap clap clap.*

Did you know you actually can get an STD from a toilet seat?

It can happen if you sit down before the guy before you gets up

My boyfriend gave me an STD

But I don't want to break up with him because what am gonorrheally do about it?

I just found out I gave my girlfriend an STD

She’s pretty crabby.

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What do you call Alfred Hitchcock with an STD?

Alfred Itchcock

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How do I get rid off my STD?

I've tried fucking everything.

If you don't like jokes about STDs...

... you're gonorrhea-lly hate this one!

As the doctor conducting your STD tests..

I want to congratulate you on your positive results!

What kind of STD ruins a dogs ability to smell?

*Sniffilis*

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A guy dies and suddenly finds himself in Hell...

He trepidatiously follows the crowd towards the Gates of Hell. He finds a demon holding a piece of cardboard with his name on it.

"Craig?," asks the demon as the man approaches.

"Y... yes," answers Craig, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Hi. I'm Ed. I know what you're thi...

For the lady who was interested in the STD vaccine, we have it.

May she speak now or forever hold herpes

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Due to an all new high in the number of people with STDs, I’m too scared to even have phone sex

Might get hearing aids

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How do you tell if someone has an std?

Oh shit wrong sub-reddit.

I had to present a speech about STDs today.

Unfortunately, to get my point across I had to give everyone visual aids.

What is the world's longest lasting STD?

Children

What do you call an STD that gives you an unstoppable compulsion to push a boulder up a hill?

Sisyphusilis

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I just had sex with my wife and now I have STD's

Sexually Transmitted Descendants.

I gave my girlfriend an STD and I’m devastated

If I transmitted it to her, then why do I still have it?!

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How do you call Samuel L. Jackson with a STD?

Laurence Piss-burne.

What STD did Thanos give the Avengers?

Goneorrhea.

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A new STD I had never heard about

Bobby and Ginger were making passionate love in Bobby’s mini van when suddenly Ginger, not at all shy, yelled out ''Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!''

Bobby, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opened the win...

What do you do when your girlfriend tells she has STD?

Act surprised

What do you call a plant with an STD?

Poison H.I.V

My boyfriend just told me he has an STD...

Looks like I'm *gonorrhea*valuate this relationship.

I just found out my girlfriend has an STD but she wants to keep it, how do I change her mind?

Please Reddit, I really don't want a kid

What did woody say when he got std’s?

“Someone poisoned the water hole’

Did you hear about that soldier with an STD?

He had a dishonourable discharge

I put the STD in stud baby.

All I need is you.

A reminder to all people with allergies at this time of year

Technically pollen is plant sperm.

So you don't have allergies you have an STD you got from a plant.

Johnny died from an STD

At least he went out with a bang.

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A 70 year old guy goes to see his doctor

He tells the doctor he got himself a 22 year old sugar baby and is having sex 3 times a week.

The doctor asks if he has any aching joints or pain, and the guy tells him no.

The doctor then asks if he thinks he has an STD, or has had any itching, and the guy says no, and goes on to say ...

Which STD is transmitted through sound...

The clap.

Yes this joke was just posted but I think my punchline is better.

Wanna Hear A Joke About STD’s?

Never mind, you won’t get it.

My friend's wellness teacher asked him in freshman year what the most common STD in the world was...

Apparently, pregnancy was the wrong answer.

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I just got a job offer as a PORN STAR, and they demanded that I do a scene without even going through an STD test, of course I refused

because it was NSFW.

What is the worst STD of all?

Parenthood

What do you call it when an alligator gets an STD while drinking a sports drink?

Gator Aids

How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?

By making sure to practice safe sects

What do you call an STD that loves makeup?

Glamydia

I asked my girlfriend what her favourite STD was.

She laughed and said, "Well, I don't have one."

"Trust me," I replied, "you do."

I'm going to create a dating Website for people with incurable STD's to find each other.

It will be named 2 Herpes in a Pod

reddit gold is a lot like an STD...

You get it from a random stranger and usually it's quite unexpected.

What’s the difference between STDs and friends?

I don’t have any friends...

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I don't know what STD causes blurry genitals...

But Japan seems to have an epidemic of it.

What do you call redditors when they get STDs

The HIVmind

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An American man catches an STD while traveling through Asia

After having quite the sexual romp he starts to notice discomfort and discoloration around his groin. Afraid for the loss of his manhood he seeks out an American doctor out there for help.

The doctor looks him over and says "I'm sorry, it's going to need to be removed, it's too far gone"
<...

Apparently there is a flesh eating STD just discovered in the UK; however, it already exist in Russia, it’s called

Rotchakokof

What did the doctor give the Asari with an STD?

Anti-biotics

Getting an STD is like downloading a virus...

...but getting married is like downloading ransomware.

STDS are like Pokemon

My dad gave me the best ones when I was 12

Donald Trump admitted today that he contracted an STD.

He has hairpiece.

I can't mention STDs around my friend who has herpes

It's a sore spot

Toilet seats can give you STD's...

...If you sit down before the person stands up

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Hear about the new book that teaches both reading and STD prevention?

It's called See Dick Run.

What's the difference between STD's and Pokemon?

I still haven't caught any Pokemon.

I got an STD from a Canadian woman

Hepatitis eh.

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Did you hear about the girl who caught the STD Pokemon?

She got a Vulvasore!

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What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person?

The slow clap

What's the difference between a leprechaun and a hooker with 5 STD's?

Well one of them is a cunning runt.

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What STD does a hip black man get?

Kool-AIDs

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I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had sex.

Then I realized it was just the mace.

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Asian STD

A businessman goes to Asia for a businesstrip. While there, he hires and bangs a hot Asian hooker.

After coming back home, he realizes that something's wrong with his junk. He goes to a doctor and the doctor says "I'm sorry sir, but you have Asian STD. There's no cure and we can only amput...

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