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Vd Jokes

Mongolian VD

A man goes to the doctor and says "I just got back from South-East Asia and I seem to have picked up something". So the doctor says "let's take a look" and the patient drops trou and his pride and joy has turned a sickly green with vibrant purple spots on.

"Oh my," says the doctor, "up to now...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

So now, I'm, Just Fred



A Wyoming Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give t...

Never, EVER be late

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words wh...

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what do you call a boner with vd?

firewood

Veni, VD, vici

I came, I caught, I cankered

Domino’s pizza has just opened a chain of VD clinics!

It’s for after you’ve had the hots with the box with the dots....

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A cop pulls a guy over..

Goes up to the drivers window, says “license and registration please.”

Guy says “here is my registration, I’m sorry but I don’t have my license on me.”

The officer, in a good mood replies, “that’s okay, what’s your name I can look you up in our system”

“Nick”

“Nick... wha...

Fred

A man gets pulled over by a cop for speeding.

The cop asks him, "what is your name?"

The man replies "Fred."

The cop asks "What's your last name."

"I don't have one."

The cop is unsure of how this is, so he asks "Why don't you have a last name?"

The man begi...

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A man goes to a doctor....

He says I don't know if my wife has TB or VD. The doctor says Chase her around the bed. If she coughs, fuck her.

—Gilbert Godfried

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy man went to see his family doctor for his annual physical...

The doctor asked the man if he was experiencing any changes to his health.
Shyly the man replies, "Well, actually Doc, I do have a new problem. You see, I've been fooling around with the maid and I think she gave me VD..."

"Oh, I see," says the Doctor, "looks like we'll need to run a few e...

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Tennis elbow

Johns tennis elbow was hurting one morning so he decided to go see the doctor.
When he gets to the office he is asked to take a urine test. He complains about it but finally does it anyway.
About 15 minutes later the doctor called him into the examination room.
"Hey John, that tennis elbow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two very nervous men got to talking in the doctor's waiting room.



They discovered they had similar symptoms: one had a red ring around the base of his penis and the other one had a green ring. The fellow with the red ring was examined first. In a few minutes he came out, all smiles, and said, "Don't worry, man, it's nothing."

Vastly relived, the...

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