This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's moving in with me this week so this morning I burned all my porn DVDs in the garden.

Now all I have to do is burn the ones in the shed, the house, and the garage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boyfriend moving in...

Him: Can I set up a cloning machine in the basement?

Me: Sure, make yourself at home.

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Guy walks into a bar with a brown paper bag and orders a beer. The barman delivers but notices something moving in the bag and asks what's in it.

Guy puts his hand in the bag and pulls out a small piano, then a tiny chair and finally a miniature guy in a tuxedo that proceeds to sit down and play.

"That's amazing," says the barman. "Where did you get him?"

Guy pulls a genie's lamp out of his jacket.

"Wow, do you mind if I ...

What do you call a plastic bag moving in the wind?

An American tumbleweed.

Holmes and Watson are out hunting one day. John spies something moving in the bushes, and with practiced aim, levels his rifle and fires. They pull aside the brush to reveal a severed leg, with a clean bullet wound just below the ankle.

“Watson!” Holmes cries out. “The game’s afoot!”

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What kind of person do people hate moving in next to them that starts with an 'N' and ends with an 'r'? [NSFW]

A 'neighbor,' you racist fuck!

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A Chinese man decided to retire and move to America after years of living in Shanghai.

A few days after moving in, the friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt, he decides to put the welcome on ho...

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A college freshman is moving into his dorm room.

His father is helping him move in when they meet his new roommate.

His new roommate, with a heavy Southern accent, is very friendly: with a big smile he asks,

"Where y'all from?"

The freshman and his dad sneer at him, and the freshman says,

"We are from a place where we d...

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Jim moves out for university, and leaves his mother and cat in the hands of his younger brother.

Jim gets to university and is so busy with moving in, making friends and starting classes that he doesn't phone home until a week later.

When he calls home, his brother, Bob, answers. He asks how things are going.

"Um, good I guess..." Bob replied hesitantly.

Worried, Jim asks w...

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