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Cycling Jokes

After watching the Tour de France for several years running, a guy decides that he's going to get into cycling.

So he buys himself a brand new road bike, and sets out for his first long ride. He's pretty fit, and takes a long route over several hills. But on his way back, he finds that he's just too tired to continue, and just can't make it back up over those hills.

He decides to try to catch a ride ...

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What does sucking dick and cycling have in common?

If you make a lifestyle out of it; it can be hard on the knees.

I've been cycling to work for a whole month now

You would have thought I would be there by now

What do you call a cyclist who's driving outside the cycling lane?

An organ donar!

I've given up cycling at the local velodrome

It's getting me nowhere

Two nuns are cycling down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh....

"One says, "I've never come this way before."

The other says, "Me neither. It must be the cobblestones."

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[OC] What's the similarity between cycling and prison ?

Your ass gets used to it after a couple of months.

I started a group for anonymous cycling enthusiasts.

But so far the members who’ve joined Pedalphiles seem to know nothing about bicycles in general.

Does Lance Armstrong enjoy cycling?

Of course he does! He has a ball!

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A tourist is cycling through China...

... and stumbles upon a house when night gathers. He asks if he can stay for the night.

The owner says he'll gladly let him stay for the night under one condition: That the man will **not** touch his daughter.

The man says "pfff, you can trust me" and goes to bed. Later that night he s...

Old lady gets into a Merzedes-Benz taxi cab

As she hops in, the driver asks her where she's going. She gives him an adress, as she's just arrived to town to visit family.

They keep going for a bit, when the old lady notices the very characteristic Mercedes-Benz ornament emblem mounted on the hood.

"So what is that thing for?" s...

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Will I Live to see 80?

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He
said I was doing fairly well for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think ...

Division

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.
...

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was shocked to see his health,
Asked--
'What is the secret of your good health ....?'

- 'I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling and then come and drink two glasses of wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health. '

Doctor - 'Okay, but can I ask you how ...

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Bicycles are bad for national economy

Oh Yes Mr. Reader, Bicycles are bad for national economy, even if its sounds ridiculous but it is always true that: -

Cycling is a danger to the country

Now reasons:

• He doesn't buy cars

• He doesn't take loans

• He does not insure the car

• He doesn't b...

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A couple who met on Tinder are out in the countryside riding their bikes...

The sun is shining, it's a warm day in early summer, and a couple who recently met on Tinder are riding their bicycles through the countryside. They are both attracted to each other, looking athletic in cycling gear, and getting a buzz out of the sexual tension, the sensation of speed, and the liber...

Races should be segregated

I'm sick and tired of people doing running , cycling and swimming and claiming it as one triathlon event! They are separate activities, and as such should be treated that way.

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Found the secrect to destroying a girls arse on the first date

Take em cycling

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