What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

I explained to a friend that I had a condom break, so I called the manufacturer and gave them the serial number from the condom ...

at this point he said to me, "Wait a minute!!! You're telling me that every condom has an individual serial number?"


I said, "Yes, you've never seen that? I GUESS YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO UNROLL ONE THAT FAR"


:)

Did you hear about the Mexican Serial Killer?

He had loco-motives.

A serial burglar goes on a spree

A serial burglar goes on a spree, robbing homes in an affluent neighborhood. Day after day he steals thousands of dollars worth of jewelry, cash, and other small easily transportable valuables. No one can figure out how he does it because half the time the victims are home at the time, but they neve...

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

Did anyone hear about the serial killer who is targeting Anti-Vaxxers?

Covid-19

If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide?

In the living room.

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He said "you're brave, how do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I said "the chances of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical"

What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?

Wears Waldo

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Serial killer in my town has a weird fetish

I had to serve jury duty for this fucker. I just need to get it off my chest, it's a little disturbing...

He carved peoples eyes out. Right out of the sockets, and then fucks the hole. Used the blood as lube. He did it hundreds of times. For some reason he had a specific target that really t...

A serial killer was celebrating his cake day when he was nabbed by the police.

As he was escorted, he heard a voice shouted, “I’ve told you karma will come to bite you!”

Whats the last thing a serial killer hear before he kills his next victim?

Snap crackle pop

I heard that 1 in every 5 people from a group have the potential to be a serial killer

So I killed them all just to be safe.

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My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"

She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"

"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

If you are being chased by a serial killer.

Both of you are running for your life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do serial killers and ballsacks have in common? (nsfw)

They're both nutcases

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

Detective: What did you find in the serial killers home?

Police: Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes

How did the serial killer figure out his victims names?

He axed them.

Have you noticed condoms now have a serial number on them?

If you haven't seen the serial number, then you must not be rolling them down far enough!

What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer?

The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

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A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

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The indicted serial killer was asked to stand. "You are charged with murdering a young schoolteacher with a chain saw," the judge intoned. "Lying bastard!" a man shouted from the gallery.

The judge fixed the unruly fellow with a
Stern stare, but continued. "You are also
charged with murdering a housewife with a
shovel.
"Damn tightwad!" the man bellowed.
"Sir," the judge warned, "you cannot disrupt
ihe court like this. Explain these outbursts."
"I've lived next do...

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a serial porn addict and a Christian body builder have in common?

Muscly forearms and a squeaky clean search history

[OC] Did you hear about the serial killer going around killing good-looking people?

It's good to know we're safe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." Man asks, "Why?" Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

Failed serial killer pick up line:

Hey baby, that dress looks good on you.

You know what else would look good on you?

Three feet of dirt.

What did the serial stabber say to his victims?

“Point well taken!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

Serial killer jokes are ok

As long as they are properly executed.

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

What does a serial killer eat when he’s on a budget?

Raw men

There was once a cornflake named randy.

Randy was a rambunctious cornflake. When he was being toasted, he was in the back of the assembly line. He tried and tried and tried to get to the front, but failed. Now remember Randy wasn’t an ordinary cornflake, he was a rambunctious cornflake. When he was being put into the box, he was at the b...

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

What is a serial killer's favorite TV show?

Naked and Afraid

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

Pete the serial flasher was thinking of retiring -

- but he's gonna stick it out for another year.

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

A man walks into a bar.

Sitting down next to a second man, he orders an eye-watering combination of milk curdled with lemon juice mixed with their cheapest whiskey and run.

The second man is taken aback and says that's what he is drinking too!

"You must be a serial killer to like that kind of drink" the first...

Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family.

All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense"

So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"

And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

Man gets into a taxi at night

The man asks to the driver: "Aren't you afraid i might be a serial killer?"

The driver thinks about it and says: "Well chance of 2 serial killers being in a car is very small."

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

What do biographers and serial killers have in common?

Multiple life sentences.

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw in the newspaper: "Serial rapist strikes again!"

Strike all you want ya cunt, you're not getting a pay rise.

James and giant peach should have been serialized into a number of films.

Dave and the giant strawberry.
John and the giant cantelope.
Your mom and the giant cucumber.

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

There is a serial killer currently on the loose

He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.

What's a serial killer's favorite kind of party?

The search party

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Serial killer picks up a Rapist hitchhiking...

"*Hey, drop me off in that.....Dark alley right there....*"




"*.....I was planning on it.....*"

In a queue for a nightclub, I looked for the serial number on the back of my girlfriend's dress.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said.

I said, "Well, you asked me what the dress code was.."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Serial killer trial

One day in a courthouse, a serial killer was on trial for murdering people.

Judge: "you are hereby guilty for murdering multiple people with a hammer for this past few years"

Random person: "you son of a bitch! "

The judge ignored the person calling out and attempted to continu...

If I ever become a serial killer I am going to dispose of my victim's bodies by throwing them into a bottomless pit

It's a floorless plan.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

I always ask a funny question on first dates.

"Are you a serial killer? "

Its healthy to avoid competition in a relationship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a cable news pundit, a reality TV personality, a political spin doctor, and a serial entrepreneur are all locked in a room together, who would be the first to realize they're of shit?

The room.

The Evil Hitchhiker?

So "I" was driving (it's told from the first person) - saw a hitchhicker. It was dark and raining and he looked a little rough, but I picked him up anyway..

After he climbs in and we pull back out onto the highway, he turns to me and, with a wry grin and a glint in his eye, says "How do y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Cannibal Serial Killer?

A serial eater........ ...

Why was the serial killer intentionally bad at bowling?

He preferred to gut her.

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

What do you call a serial killer that killed everyone at a frat house?

What do you call a serial killer that killed everyone at a frat house?


The life of the party.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg.

Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

Why are there no female serial killers?

Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a serial killer on the loose...

There's a serial killer on the loose in a pretty big city in Southern California. This killer has been at large for some time and has a particularity sadistic method of murdering his victims, he kills them by making thousands of tiny cuts all over their bodies until they pass out from pain and die o...

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