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What's the favorite drink of every British serial killer?

Casual tea

What’s the difference between a serial killer and a politician?

The body count

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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a serial killer are having a stroll in the park.

This merry band of weirdoes and deviants are getting a bit bored. Then the zoophile whispers: "Oooh, I know what we should do. Let's catch a cat!"

The sadist nods approvingly: "Yes! Let's catch a cat... and let's torture it!"

The serial killer licks the blade of his knife, and chimes i...

There was a serial killer who killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer and never got caught

His name was Jeffrey Smahter

Did you know that British serial killers can't die?

They're immoral, but with tea.

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A serial killer goes on a killing spree

He then skins all the faces off his victim and puts them in giant scrapbook.


The scrapbook is then tied to a post which he erects on his front lawn. It is quite a gruesome sight to behold.


Naturally the police find him pretty easily.


When he gets to court though his ...

What is the only similarity between serial killers and gamer

**They collect skins**

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

When a serial killer goes to a circus, who do they go to kill first?

They go for the Juggler

Tom, the serial flasher, was going to retire

But he decided to stick it out for another year.

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A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating."

Man asks, "Why?"

Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

Have you ever seen serial numbers on a condom?

That’s probably because you’ve never had to roll it back far enough.

Hitchhiker: Thanks for picking me up, but how do you know I'm not a serial killer?

Driver: Well, what would be the odds of two serial killers in the same car?

What pronouns do serial killers go by?

Man/slaughter

Why did the serial killer make a public broadcast?

He wanted to e-stab-lish himself.

What's a Serial Killer's favorite Vegetable?

Arti*chokes*

The serial killer who used his car to run over people has finally been arrested

According to lawsuit analysts, he musthang.

Did you hear about the Mexican Serial Killer?

He had loco-motives.

If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide?

In the living room.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

I explained to a friend that I had a condom break, so I called the manufacturer and gave them the serial number from the condom ...

at this point he said to me, "Wait a minute!!! You're telling me that every condom has an individual serial number?"


I said, "Yes, you've never seen that? I GUESS YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO UNROLL ONE THAT FAR"


:)

I picked up a hitch hiker

The man got in my car and said "Thank you for picking me up, but I mean how do you know I am not a serial killer or something?"

I said "I don't know for sure, but the chances of 2 serial killers being in one car would be astronomical"

Saw this on Quora months ago.

A serial killer started kidnapping and killing all female cousins of his mother & father.

When arrested and asked for reasons, he said, “I just heard that you need Aunty-bodies to build immunity against Covid.”

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

They say in every group of friends, there is at least one that has the potential to be a serial killer...

So just to be safe, I killed all of them.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?

Wears Waldo.

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Whats the last thing a serial killer hear before he kills his next victim?

Snap crackle pop

A serial killer was celebrating his cake day when he was nabbed by the police.

As he was escorted, he heard a voice shouted, “I’ve told you karma will come to bite you!”

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

If you are being chased by a serial killer.

Both of you are running for your life.

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

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What do serial killers and ballsacks have in common? (nsfw)

They're both nutcases

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

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My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"

She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"

"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

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A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

Detective: What did you find in the serial killers home?

Police: Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes

Have you noticed condoms now have a serial number on them?

If you haven't seen the serial number, then you must not be rolling them down far enough!

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

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There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

Picked up a hitch-hiker.

Seemed like a nice guy.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?

I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense"

So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"

And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

Serial killer jokes are ok

As long as they are properly executed.

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The indicted serial killer was asked to stand. "You are charged with murdering a young schoolteacher with a chain saw," the judge intoned. "Lying bastard!" a man shouted from the gallery.

The judge fixed the unruly fellow with a
Stern stare, but continued. "You are also
charged with murdering a housewife with a
shovel.
"Damn tightwad!" the man bellowed.
"Sir," the judge warned, "you cannot disrupt
ihe court like this. Explain these outbursts."
"I've lived next do...

What did the serial stabber say to his victims?

“Point well taken!”

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What do a serial porn addict and a Christian body builder have in common?

Muscly forearms and a squeaky clean search history

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

What does a serial killer eat when he’s on a budget?

Raw men

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

Did you hear about the serial killer train conductor?

I heard he had a loco-motive.

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

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Serial killer trial

One day in a courthouse, a serial killer was on trial for murdering people.

Judge: "you are hereby guilty for murdering multiple people with a hammer for this past few years"

Random person: "you son of a bitch! "

The judge ignored the person calling out and attempted to continu...

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

Elon Musk wants to send people to mars

I think we can all agree that he is the most creative serial killer of all time.

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

If I ever become a serial killer I am going to dispose of my victim's bodies by throwing them into a bottomless pit

It's a floorless plan.

There is a serial killer currently on the loose

He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.

James and giant peach should have been serialized into a number of films.

Dave and the giant strawberry.
John and the giant cantelope.
Your mom and the giant cucumber.

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

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What did the serial rapist say on his way out the door?

Cheerio

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I saw in the newspaper: "Serial rapist strikes again!"

Strike all you want ya cunt, you're not getting a pay rise.

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

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Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

In a queue for a nightclub, I looked for the serial number on the back of my girlfriend's dress.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said.

I said, "Well, you asked me what the dress code was.."

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

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If a cable news pundit, a reality TV personality, a political spin doctor, and a serial entrepreneur are all locked in a room together, who would be the first to realize they're of shit?

The room.

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg.

Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

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