I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

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There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

What do you call a serial killer on acid?

Jack the tripper

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people

He never even left a tres

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A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." Man asks, "Why?" Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

Most serial killers are men.

That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.

Pete the serial flasher was thinking of retiring -

- but he's gonna stick it out for another year.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

Why are serial killers extremely rich?

I don’t know, I guess they just always make a killing.

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What did the serial rapist say on his way out the door?

Cheerio

Imagine if a serial killer would name themselves The Suspense

Everytime they kill someone, the victim would say "The Suspense is killing me".

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

What’s the difference between incels and serial killers?

Women won’t let incels anywhere near them

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

A serial killer plead guilty to homicide

after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,

"It fills me with energy."

He was charged with murder.

Did you hear about the serial killer train conductor?

I heard he had a loco-motive.

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family.

All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

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I saw in the newspaper: "Serial rapist strikes again!"

Strike all you want ya cunt, you're not getting a pay rise.

In a queue for a nightclub, I looked for the serial number on the back of my girlfriend's dress.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said.

I said, "Well, you asked me what the dress code was.."

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.

It was a Dahmer nose pizza.

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

What's a serial killer's favorite kind of party?

The search party

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

There is a serial killer currently on the loose

He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

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Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Serial killer picks up a Rapist hitchhiking...

"*Hey, drop me off in that.....Dark alley right there....*"




"*.....I was planning on it.....*"

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What do you call a Cannibal Serial Killer?

A serial eater........ ...

How do you stop serial killers?

Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.

This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.

How did the serial killer get through the woods?

They used a psychopath.

Police were on the lookout for serial killer John Wayne Gacy

They stepped into a corner store for some coffee and saw a guy in back where the milk cartons are.
Cop 1: "Hey, that looks like our suspect!"
Cop 2: "What's he doing?"
Cop 1: "Talking to himself. Let's get closer."
So they go up right behind him and listen.
Gacy:"Need him....

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If a cable news pundit, a reality TV personality, a political spin doctor, and a serial entrepreneur are all locked in a room together, who would be the first to realize they're of shit?

The room.

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that Melvil Dewey, inventor of the Dewey Decimal system for organizing library collections, was known to be a serial sexual harasser.

Someone really should've put him in his place.

Me trying to impress a girl

Girl: I'm Into horror movies

Me: My dad's a serial killer

What do you call a serial killer that killed everyone at a frat house?

What do you call a serial killer that killed everyone at a frat house?


The life of the party.

Why are there no female serial killers ??

Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone.

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

What do biographers and serial killers have in common?

Multiple life sentences.

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Serial killer trial

One day in a courthouse, a serial killer was on trial for murdering people.

Judge: "you are hereby guilty for murdering multiple people with a hammer for this past few years"

Random person: "you son of a bitch! "

The judge ignored the person calling out and attempted to continu...

If I ever become a serial killer I am going to dispose of my victim's bodies by throwing them into a bottomless pit

It's a floorless plan.

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So there's a serial killer on the loose...

There's a serial killer on the loose in a pretty big city in Southern California. This killer has been at large for some time and has a particularity sadistic method of murdering his victims, he kills them by making thousands of tiny cuts all over their bodies until they pass out from pain and die o...

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

Why was the serial killer intentionally bad at bowling?

He preferred to gut her.

Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim?

Be careful, they say he's still at large.

What do you call it when a future serial killer's mom has an abortion.

A miscarriage of justice

Why do accountants make the best serial killers?

Because they're calculating.

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg.

Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

"Hey man, you want this body?" Asked the serial killer.

"Nah, you cadaver."

A serial killer was killing his female victims by drowning them in pancake mix, then dipping them in hot oil. Some of his victims survived.

They're currently being treated at a battered women's shelter.

Serial Killer...

The police have caught a serial killer with a really bad stammer.

They said it'll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

My best friend became a serial killer after his girlfriend Ruth left him

Now that shes gone, he pretty much became ruthless

A pedophile serial killer lures a child into a forest on a rainy night

The kid says, "I'm scared." The pedophile responds, "You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk out of here alone."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the hipster serial killer do?

Has sex with the bodies before they're cool.

Hear about the serial killer who was actually quite sensitive?

He wore other people's hearts on his sleeve.

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day...

After he got all of his stuff in the trunk, he hopped in, and we started our journey.

He told me : I’m so glad someone finally stopped to pick me up. But aren’t you scared that I might be a serial killer?

I replied : To be honest, the odds of having two serial killers in the same car a...

What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?

Murdered.

(If you don't get it: "cross" can mean "betray")

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