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Serial Jokes

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

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A serial masturbator goes to the doctor.

Doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating."

Man asks, "Why?"

Doctor says, "So that I can examine you."

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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a serial killer are having a stroll in the park.

This merry band of weirdoes and deviants are getting a bit bored. Then the zoophile whispers: "Oooh, I know what we should do. Let's catch a cat!"

The sadist nods approvingly: "Yes! Let's catch a cat... and let's torture it!"

The serial killer licks the blade of his knife, and chimes i...

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A serial killer died and goes to hell…

A serial killer dies and goes to hell. He’s met by a devil.

“Welcome to hell. Do you like smoking?”

“Yeah” replies the killer.

“Oh boy you’re gonna love Mondays. All we do is smoke. Soon as you’re done smoking, another cigarette appears in your hand. Smoke smoke smoke, all day l...

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

What's the favorite drink of every British serial killer?

Casual tea

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

What is worse than a serial killer

A parallel killer, who kills multiple people at once, instead of one at a time

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Best name for a serial-murderer rabbit

Ted Bunny

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s pitch dark.

Victim: I’m scared...
Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone

As a serial killer, I keep all of my trophies in a snack pack.

The proof is in the pudding.

What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?

Wears Waldo.

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

Have you ever seen serial numbers on a condom?

That’s probably because you’ve never had to roll it back far enough.

What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer?

The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

There is a new serial killer in town who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller T-shirts.

The cops are saying that he’s still at Large.

On which day does a serial killer rest?

On the stabbath!

What did the serial killer say at the end of a successful first date?

Let me get them digits.

What’s one question that’s only asked of high-fashion celebrities and serial killers?

“Who are you wearing?”

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A serial killer goes on a killing spree

He then skins all the faces off his victim and puts them in giant scrapbook.


The scrapbook is then tied to a post which he erects on his front lawn. It is quite a gruesome sight to behold.


Naturally the police find him pretty easily.


When he gets to court though his ...

What's a Serial Killer's favorite Vegetable?

Arti*chokes*

Did you know that British serial killers can't die?

They're immoral, but with tea.

What is the only similarity between serial killers and gamer

**They collect skins**

Tom, the serial flasher, was going to retire

But he decided to stick it out for another year.

When a serial killer goes to a circus, who do they go to kill first?

They go for the Juggler

What pronouns do serial killers go by?

Man/slaughter

What do serial killers and programmers have in common?

They both love hackathons.

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

How do you jump start a serial killer robot with a dead battery?

Charge it with murder.

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

There was a serial killer who killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer and never got caught

His name was Jeffrey Smahter

If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense"

So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"

And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

Why did the serial killer make a public broadcast?

He wanted to e-stab-lish himself.

Did you hear about the Mexican Serial Killer?

He had loco-motives.

I'm a serial killer that doesn't kill

I'm just a serial.



One of many.

What does an uncaught serial killer and a man who won’t diet have in common?

They are both still at large

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A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide?

In the living room.

Serial killer jokes are ok

As long as they are properly executed.

If you are being chased by a serial killer.

Both of you are running for your life.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

The serial killer who used his car to run over people has finally been arrested

According to lawsuit analysts, he musthang.

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

How do you stop serial killers?

Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.

This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.

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What do serial killers and ballsacks have in common? (nsfw)

They're both nutcases

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

A serial killer started kidnapping and killing all female cousins of his mother & father.

When arrested and asked for reasons, he said, “I just heard that you need Aunty-bodies to build immunity against Covid.”

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Serial killer trial

One day in a courthouse, a serial killer was on trial for murdering people.

Judge: "you are hereby guilty for murdering multiple people with a hammer for this past few years"

Random person: "you son of a bitch! "

The judge ignored the person calling out and attempted to continu...

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

Detective: What did you find in the serial killers home?

Police: Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes

Have you noticed condoms now have a serial number on them?

If you haven't seen the serial number, then you must not be rolling them down far enough!

Serial Killer...

The police have caught a serial killer with a really bad stammer.

They said it'll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

Whats the last thing a serial killer hear before he kills his next victim?

Snap crackle pop

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

A serial killer was celebrating his cake day when he was nabbed by the police.

As he was escorted, he heard a voice shouted, “I’ve told you karma will come to bite you!”

Did you hear about the serial killer train conductor?

I heard he had a loco-motive.

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

What does a serial killer eat when he’s on a budget?

Raw men

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

Most serial killers are men.

That's because women prefer to kill just one man, over a period of many, many years.

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

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What do a serial porn addict and a Christian body builder have in common?

Muscly forearms and a squeaky clean search history

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

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I saw in the newspaper: "Serial rapist strikes again!"

Strike all you want ya cunt, you're not getting a pay rise.

Why are there no female serial killers?

Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone.

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My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"

She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"

"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

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What do you call a Cannibal Serial Killer?

A serial eater........ ...

I explained to a friend that I had a condom break, so I called the manufacturer and gave them the serial number from the condom ...

at this point he said to me, "Wait a minute!!! You're telling me that every condom has an individual serial number?"


I said, "Yes, you've never seen that? I GUESS YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO UNROLL ONE THAT FAR"


:)

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

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What does the hipster serial killer do?

Has sex with the bodies before they're cool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a serial killer on the loose...

There's a serial killer on the loose in a pretty big city in Southern California. This killer has been at large for some time and has a particularity sadistic method of murdering his victims, he kills them by making thousands of tiny cuts all over their bodies until they pass out from pain and die o...

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

Why was the serial killer intentionally bad at bowling?

He preferred to gut her.

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every condom?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...

Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

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