An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution

An aristocrat, his chef and chief engineer were set to be executed during the French Revolution.

The aristocrat is brought to the guillotine and said "I am not afraid of my mortality. I refuse a blindfold and I wish to be face up so I can look death straight in the eyes!"

The execution...

Where do aristocratic doctors live?

Bedside Manor

A young aristocratic woman pulls up to a large New York bank in her Rolls Royce.

She parks in front of the bank and goes inside where she is greeted by a banker.

"Hi, Sir. I would like to take out a loan using my Rolls Royce as collateral" the woman says to the banker.

"Yes ma'am. How much money will you need to borrow?" he asks.

"$500.00 please" says the ...

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What should be the last lyric of Cardi B’s song “Wet Ass Pussy”?

The Aristocrats

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:

"What is your name?"

"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.

"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."

"Darling, ma'am," he replied.

"Drive on - Thomas," she said.

(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton...

A family walks into a talent agent’s office

The talent agent eyes them suspiciously and having heard the stories decides he would rather not risk it and tells them he doesn’t represent family acts. The Aristocrats leave.

What do rednecks and aristocrats have in common?

Both groups like marrying their cousins.

3 aristocrats in the French Revolution

So during the reign of terror in the French Revolution, there was a line of aristocrats waiting to be executed by guillotine. Near the middle of the line, there was a clergyman, an artist, and an engineer.

The clergyman got up to the chopping block and said a short prayer, and miraculously w...

It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...

Yes, it was the middle of the French Revolution, and Robespierre and his revolutionaries had gathered up a priest, a member of the aristocracy and an engineer, packed them into a tumbrel and dragged them off to the square to the waiting guillotine.

First they dragged the priest up onto the pl...

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The Aristocrats return to the talent agency...(OC)

The agent says, "Holy fuck, not you asshats again." The father shakes his head, "No, no. It's a totally different show. I swear, this one is going to be really big." The agent has a slow day, so he waves his hand for them to continue.

The father looks at his son, "Ok, Bernard..." and the son...

What do you call a cat that you wear on your wrist?

Aristocrat

Before John was a traveling salesmen

Before John was a traveling salesman he worked door to door on foot. He actually came from an upper middle class family but had a healthy work ethic and a humble yet dull nature from aristocratic inbreeding a few generations back..

It was his birthday and his eccentric mother had told John he...

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An upstart comedian speaks to a famous movie producer ...

"So, what's your idea?"

"Well, I want to make the film about how a wealthy New York businessman raised his child to become a selfish, arrogant prick just like himself. The boy's such a fucking asshole that even his neglectful father gets sick of the rat and sends him to a military academy. ...

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The World's Greatest Piano Player.

A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. "Mr. Owner I am the greatest piano player in the world and you should give me a job." The Owner says "Well we need a pianist, tell you what play me a song and I'll see if you're any good." So the piano player starts to play the most fantastic song in t...

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A family walks in to a talent agency

The father goes to the agent, "Sir, you really have to see our act. It's incredible!"

The agent says "No, I don't do family acts..."

The father excitedly interrupts, "I know what you are going to say they are too cutesy, right? Well our show is nothing like that!"

"No I don't do...

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