Jack and John decided to go skiing.

They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have thi...

If a mini quiz were called a “quizzicle,” what would a mini test be called?

A quiz. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Mini van roll over results in one fatality.

As the older model Ford Aerostar rolled over the driver was ejected. The vehicle then rolled over the driver, piercing him with the exterior mounted antenna. The driver expired before paramedics arrived.

Medical examiner's report states. The driver died of a Van Aerial Disease.

I was out shopping with the wife when we came across a group of young ladies wearing mini skirts. I said, “ooh look at them legs! I bet you had legs like them.”

She didn’t answer but I think she was upset since I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp to Walmart.

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A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

3rd times someone's charm

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too t...

I saw a Scottish man in a mini kilt the other day.

I thought, that shows a lot of balls.

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Two nuns driving back to the convent late one night in their Mini...

...All of a sudden a demon leaps onto the hood of the car, The first nun shouts to the second. 'Quick sister, show him your cross!' The second nun winds down the window and screams 'GET OFF THE FUCKING CAR!!'

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To whoever invented the mini skirt, you are a good person, thank you.

My balls have never felt so free.

My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.

Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.

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Today, I was fired from my job because I wore a mini skirt

And they have the stupidest fucking excuse: "I dont want to see your cock"

You know why ladies don't wear mini skirts in the winter?

Cause they'll get chapped lips

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But Mickey, you can't divorce Mini just because you think she's dumb.

"I didn't say she was dumb. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

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My girlfriend came home from work and asked me to take all her clothes off!!

I gently but seductively started with her top, mini skirt, bra then her g-string.

She moans and yells at me "Don't wear my fucking clothes again!"

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young woman in her short, pink mini-dress.

Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation.

Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working gir...

What is James Bond’s favorite pasta…?

Mini Penne

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I got stopped on my Harley and well shit..

I think my license might be in jeopardy..
and all just because of a stupid state trooper...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:
Trooper: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Trooper: "...

How do you get the Pope into a Mini?

Take his hat off

What do you call it when you misplace your Lego Lord of the Rings mini figures?

A Lego Legolas Loss.

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Some people are saying the President had "a series of mini-strokes"

I'm not sure if they're talking about his golf game or how he masturbates.

I sat next to a girl

On the bus wearing a mini skirt. I asked her out and she turned me down. I guess she isn’t into cross dressers.

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I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

A man crossing London Bridge sees a pretty woman struggling to keep her mini skirt down in the wind so he says : A bit airy isn't it?

She replied: What the ell you expect feathers?

Dracula

Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet ...

Do you know you shouldn't sleep with a naked dwarf after she has given birth? (Slightly NSFW)

You will be accused of doing the Bare MiniMum.

Statistics are like a mini-skirt

They promise a lot but show nothing

What does Necrophilia and mini golf have in common?

18 holes

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Joe saw a sexy young exotic girl walking out from a bank, a remote control dropped from her mini skirt.

He picked it up and planed to give it back.

But the girl looked at him, her face turned red and seemed nervous and coy.

Joe understood it all of a sudden...

He smiled obscenely and pressed the button on the remote.

Then the bank exploded.

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I was sitting at the bar enjoying a drink to myself When next thing the door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.

5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.

Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.

After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had...

What's the difference between a 1972 chevelle and a bic mini?

Well one is a heavy chevy and the other is a little lighter.

Best Man Speech

"My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials, but

short enough to hold your attention."

What is a Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the...

What are the Vikings favorite drink?

Mini Sodas

A guy tried to get me into an MLM plan for selling mini trees once.

Thankfully I realized before I joined that it was just a bonsai scheme.

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Transvestite Hooker (Very NSFW)

A transvestite hooker is getting ready for his night out. He puts on his fish-net stockings, a red mini-skirt, and his tallest red heels. While he's at his street corner, this hulking guy approaches him and belts out, "How much for sex?" The transvestite tells him that it's *that* time of the month,...

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Another penis joke

A big man who had a reputation for having a large member met a stunning lady one evening.

Later they decided to sleep together - when the man undressed the woman started laughing when she saw the word MINI tattooed on his penis, the man was not bothered at all.

Later, after some fore...

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Two men at an airport

First man says, "I can't find my wife."

Second man says, "I can't find mine either, what does yours look like?"

First man " Six foot tall, blonde, big tits, mini skirt, high heels and a boob tube, whats yours look like?"

Second man says, "Fuck her, we'll look for yours."

Saw a strip club across the street from the Mini Golf course.

I’m just trying to have a nice afternoon with my kids and I look across the street and see a bunch of losers playing mini golf.

What’s even more difficult than getting your pregnant wife into a MINI Cooper?

Getting your wife pregnant in a MINI Cooper

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Did you hear about the guy who wrecked his car while jerking off?

The coroner said the cause of death was several mini strokes.

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

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Rolls Royce and a Mini

A Rolls Royce and a Mini pull up at the lights together. The guy in the Mini looks at the guy in the Rolls Royce and presses a button to lower his window. The guy in the Rolls Royce smiles and presses the button for his window to go down and with beautiful precision the window smoothly rolls down. ...

Who invented the mini-skirt?

Seymour Heiny

Three men ascend to heaven and they meet St Peter at the pearly gates.



St. Peter makes it clear to the men that they can only come in if they’ve never drunk, never smoked and never been unfaithful to their wife. The first man steps up and says: “Hiya Pete, I’ve never smoked, never drunk and never been unfaithful to my wife.”

The first man gets the nod o...

A mini poem:

Little birdy, flying high,
Drops a present from the sky,
Farmer says, wiping his eye,
Thank the Lord my pigs don't fly!

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Initially, I was excited about my mini butt plugs business.

But it's really fallen between the cracks.

Why did the tiny fruit farmer move to Minnesota?

He was Mini-apple-less!

TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-Uzi from the Arms Store...

Whoops, wrong sub.

Which state serves the smallest drinks?

Mini soda

I just saw a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.

What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?

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I can't believe that even in 2018, I can't wear my mini skirt to work..

And the only "reason" for that is apparently my dick is showing.

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What’s the difference between sex and mini golf?

Nothing. They’re both fun for the first two holes, but then you just want to finish.

Whenever I feel fat, I go into the store and buy a Mini Bic.

Each time, I get a little lighter.

Why was the mini golf champ lazy?

He has no drive

Yesterday my friend came out as a cross dresser by wearing a mini skirt to his office party.

That showed a lot of balls.

When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

A company decides to build a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place.

A bunch of people were really upset about this, and you can't really blame them. I mean, who wants to be enjoying a nice family outing only to look across the street and see some losers playing mini-golf?

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"Mom , I'm going out with the girls tonite" "Not with that mini skirt, take it off and put something else"

"But why mom?"


"Because I can see your balls frank"

A little girl walks into a pet store and tells an employee that she’d like to buy a rabbit.

The employee smiles down at the little girl and says, “Right this way! We have lots of different rabbits to choose from depending on what you’re looking for.” She leads the little girl over to a large enclosure where a huge collection of bunnies of all different sizes and colors are hopping about or...

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How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Cooper?

Four: two in the front, two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper? None, 'cause there's already all those elephants in there.

How do you get to Wales (two whales) in a Mini Cooper? Same way you get to Wales in any other car; you get on the M4 and you go across the...

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Three kids were playing with a mini train station...

Three kids were playing with a mini train station and when it stopped at the station the one yelled: "All the people getting on the train, get on the train, all the people getting off the train, get off the fucking train.

The mom came in and scollded at the boy for say a bad word and sent him...

What does an unchallenging mini-golf course have in common with a strip club?

During daytime hours they’re both sub-par

The teacher, Miss Brown, goes to school in a mini-skirt

At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend:

'I saw Miss Brown's thighs!'

Miss Brown hears the comment.

'You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don't wanna see you for three days!'

A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend:

'I saw Miss Brown's...

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What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?

A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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A joke my dad, who is Polish, tells me all the time so I'm convinced it must be real funny

It is the cold war and there is a global military convention where each military boasts how their army is the best. After a long day of watching each country's army marching with their strongest and most masculine men, the generals sit down in the banquet hall. An American, German, and Soviet genera...

I recently opened a combination sandwich shop/mini golf course

I thought it was a good idea, but the reviews said the experience was sub-par

How is a mini skirt like a fence?

They both protect the property but they don’t spoil the view

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Micky mouse and mini.

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is fucking Goofy."

Statistics and mini skirts..

...they hide more than what they reveal.

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An old man was sitting on a train...

across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realized she was going commando

She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he replied and promised t...

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There's a porn site that makes you watch at least 10 minutes of dwarf MILF content before you can access anything else.

That's their bare mini mum.

A foreign country's leader was cooking a small pot of prime ribs

While cooking, he stirred the pot. It was a prime mini stir

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Why don't blondes wear mini skirts in San Francisco?

Their balls will show.

I was thinking of buying the black iPad mini..

Apparently, it runs faster.

At my university the only way to have a mini-fridge in my room is to have a medical condition...

Apparently being an alcoholic doesn't qualify...

The person ahead of us today in mini golf completed the course in 23 strokes.

I hope they're okay.

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

What brand of cereal is the strongest??

Mini Wheats, because they’re shredded.

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

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A family is driving through the prairies their car when they look over and see a chicken in a field running along beside them.

They are stunned, can’t believe this chicken is keeping pace with 50 km/h! So they speed up to 60.

The chicken speeds up and is again keeping pace with their mini van. The kids are amazed and the parents are confused. So they speed up to 80.

Again the chicken keeps up! They are in disb...

What's the opposite of Mini Golf?

Macro Polo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about Donald Trump masturbating?

Apparently it was a series of mini-strokes

My boss dressed up as Caitlyn Jenner in a mini-skirt

He showed a lot of balls...

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Two friends talking about sex

Just saw a joke that remembered this one and I tried to translate.


Two friends meet at the bar. One of them has a black eye.
- What happened to you? asks the other.
- I got hit by a frozen chicken in the face, that's all! - answers the friend.
- But how did that happen?...

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

What do you call a mom who is short?

A mini-mum

Italian Wedding Test!

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight m...

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names in cemeteries ....

I cut grass in high school at a large cemetery (larger than Arlington actually) ... best name in the cemetery Mini Dick

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

So this famous singer was doing a giveaway...

The prize was a tablet a brand new phone and 1 minute of singing on stage with this famous singer. So a girl named Jess signed her brother up for the giveaway knowing full well he hates crowds and technology but sure enough he won the contest and he was forced to go on stage with this singer. Boy oh...

My mother with dwarfism feels she is underpaid at work...

Apparently shes unsatisfied making mini Mum wage.

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the supermarket when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy:

"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"That's okay," the young guy says. "It's a coincidence really because I'm looking for my wife, too."

"Well, maybe I can help you find her. W...

Ever hear of Van Morrison's less talented younger brother?

Mini-Van Morrison

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