UPJOKE
unfavorableminusdestructiveunfavourableelectronegativepositivevetopessimisticdamagingbadnegativelyblackballdisconfirmingnaydenial

Negative Jokes

My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred

She's a perfect ten but imaginary

Why was the horse always so negative and cynical?

He was a neighsayer

My wife is so negative...

I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Instead of a swear jar, I started a negativity jar. Every time I think negative thoughts, I throw money in.

It's half empty.

My drug test came back negative.

My drug dealer has some explaining to do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife got her test results back. We thought she had Tourette’s syndrome. Tests were negative.

Turns out I am a cunt & she does want me to fuck off

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”

But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Two positives never make a negative.

Yeah, right.

I can't stand all these negative horses

I've got no time for neigh sayers

Horses are so negative.

All they do is neigh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
and the fake orgasm, the fa...

If you enter into a room with a negative person in it,

there are now no people in the room!

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

The math professor explained "two negatives becomes a positive, but two positives cannot become a negative"

A student rolled his eyes and said  "Yeah, yeah"

Your momma's so fat, she's like the negative cosine of X...

They both go down after pi

2019: Stay away from negative people.

2020: Stay away from positive people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John Travolta tested negative for covid-19 last night...

Turns out it was just Saturday Night Fever...

My doctor said the X-Ray was negative.

I was like, “aren’t they all?”

What is negatively charged and will make you cry if you cut it in half?

An anion.

I'm not fully vegetarian, I'm just cutting down on meat to mitigate negative outcomes.

It's called "ham reduction"

Do you know what square roots of negative numebrs and your girlfriend have in common?

They're both imaginary.

One of the most negative words...

..of 2020 is 'positive'.

The positive and negative

There was once a surprise meeting between the +ve and the -ve sign

The positive + sign was really intrigued and said well I am better than you since I add something of value .What are you here for it asked the -ve sign

The - sign said I am.here to make a difference!

Double negatives are positives

Ain't nothin' right about that.

Horses are such negative animals

They're such neighsayers

What do you call a snobbish and negative criminal walking down the stairs?

...a condescending con descending

We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene

It doesn't add up

A Double Negative

An English professor was explaining to his students that a double negative in a sentence equals a positive statement. The words “I ain’t got no money” were written on the board, and he demonstrated his point by drawing a line through “ain’t” and “no.”

A student raised his hand and asked, “Is ...

Don’t use double negatives.

They’re a big no no.

Replace the negative with the positive.......

and next time put the battery in right the first time.

What’s a negative thought?

Anyone on TikTok

I just took a pregnancy test and it came out negative.

I was real concerned when my wife told me we were pregnant.

I had a drug test at work today. It came back negative

My dealer has some explaining to do

Trump just got tested again, and he's still negative.

IQ, not COVID-19.

A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood.

The pastor comes out and says, “They tested it and told me I’m A positive.”

The imam follows up with, “Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative.”

The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, “Pretty sure I’m a type O.”

Donald Trump tested negative for the Coronavirus

He only tested positive for the Chinesevirus

R. Kelly has just tested negative for Covid 19

Bet if it was Covid 15 he'd be all over that though.

SO happy to announce my mother has tested negative for COVID-19...

Doctor said the breathing issues are only pulmonary fibrosis, a collapsed lung, and stage 4 cancer. Phew!

My friend said “you can’t take the square-root of a negative.”

She said I couldn’t..... but i can

What did the positive charge say to the negative charge after their first date?

*"We have potential."*

“Don’t be so negative”

Yeah, tell that to my bank account

A linguistic philosopher made the claim that there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative during a lecture.

To which someone responded, "Yeah, yeah."

Negative people

There is a special place for all the negative people in the universe.
It's called the 3rd Quadrant.

What can make X squared equal negative 1?

i can

What did the negative electron say when electrovalent bonding?

Up-n-atom.



P.s. Sorry, first joke here. Not sure if OC yet but hope you enjoyed it!

A small town's only barber was known for his arrogant, negative attitude.

When one of his regular customers came in and mentioned that he'd be going to Rome and hoped to meet the Pope, the barber's response was typical. "You, meet the Pope? Ha, don't make me laugh. The Pope only sees kings and presidents and queens. What would he want with you?"

A month later, the ...

You wanna know my opinion on negative pressure?

It sucks!

World Taekwondo Federation has changed its name over negative connotations

WTF?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A magician with a fear of negative numbers went to see a therapist

She told hin that the root of his fear was imaginary

Trump tested negative for COVID-19, tomorrow's Headlines will go:

DONALD DUCKS COVID

I don't see why teachers don't like double negatives,

I think they're quite positive.

A lot of people say negative things about my teeth

I normally just brush it off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My family keeps making negative comments about me dating a black woman.

I am tired of hearing 'think of your children.' and 'what do you think will happen if your wife finds out?'

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.