UPJOKE
manservantcyborghenchmandependentparasiteleechspongeunderlinggargoylesleepwalkeremissarydoppelgangerhackstrustybrat

3 guys from Michigan go to Hell (long)

Three guys from Michigan die and go to Hell. Satan, being the kind of guy who takes his job very seriously, always checks on new arrivals personally to make sure that they are uncomfortable and their eternal torment is going smoothly and so on.

So he arrives at their cell and listens in for a...

What did the Minion do to make himself more like his dad?

He Gru!

Credit to my niece who told me this while I was home visiting

What is a minion’s favourite car?

A gru-gatti

Me - So, what do you do?

Otto - I'm a supervillain.

Me - What's your name?

Otto - Corrector.

Me - HAHAHA! Are you Sirius?
What's your super powder?
Wait a minion……
what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS
MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you got...

What do you call a Nintendo character that looks like a minion?

Despicable Mii

I used to hate the minions in Despicable Me.

But they Gru on me.

I’ve done some terrible things for money.

Like getting up early to go to work. ‬

How did the the Minions become president?

They staged a Gru d'etat

What did Gozer the Destructor order for his gatekeeper minion at the Italian restaurant?

Pasta fo' Zuul!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a wedding I whispered to a guy next to me,

"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"

"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...

"I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Father tells this one at every family get together. (Apologies in advance if that has been posted here already)

So Mrs. Rodgers is a 3rd grade English teacher, and each Monday she gives her students a new vocabulary word. The students' task is to come up with a sentence using the new vocabulary word by the following day. This week the word is "contagious."

So Tuesday morning rolls around and Mrs. Rodg...

What are the chances of Gru’s henchmen having a singular eye?

One in a minion

What do you call a?...

What do you call potato who's high?
A. A baked potato
What do call a wizard who doesn't have enough minions?
A. Short staffed

Ps. This is my first post, be gentle with me.

When constructing the Black Gate...

Minion: "Is this too big? Do we need less door?"

Sauron: "No, Mordor."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three explorers...

...were going through the Amazon forest, one American, one French and the last Portuguese. Suddenly, they were captured by a cannibal tribe.

Tied to woods in the middle of the village, they hear scared for the proposition made by the chief cannibal.

"Each of you can make any wish. If I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to hell....

upon arrival he meets Satan. Satan tells the man he has a choice. He can pick one of three rooms to spend the rest of eternity in. Satan shows him the first room. It is full of the smelliest, nastiest shit high enough that the poor souls in the room are covered in shit up to their waists. The m...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.