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Minion Jokes

I’ve done some terrible things for money.

Like getting up early to go to work. ‬

what is a minions favourite car?

...a gru-gatti

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At a wedding I whispered to a guy next to me,

"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"

"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...

"I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.

What did the Minion do to make himself more like his dad?

He Gru!

Credit to my niece who told me this while I was home visiting

How did the the Minions become president?

They staged a Gru d'etat

I used to hate the minions in Despicable Me.

But they Gru on me.

What did Gozer the Destructor order for his gatekeeper minion at the Italian restaurant?

Pasta fo' Zuul!

What is Gru's favorite food?

Filet Minion

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John was visiting Germany when he met a local named Gunther.

They immediately struck up a friendship and began chatting. After a pleasant chat John asked Gunther what he did for a living. Gunther explained “while, I am the creator of the minions from the Despicable Me franchise.” “Wow, that is so cool, John says excitedly.” “My son loves those little guys. On...

It's irritating when students get ahead of themselves...

These days many college students assume that they're doing the job already. That's not how it works, you need to get the certification, or get the job.

Engineering students shouldn't call themselves engineers

Medical students shouldn't call themselves doctors

Law students shoul...

3 guys from Michigan go to Hell (long)

Three guys from Michigan die and go to Hell. Satan, being the kind of guy who takes his job very seriously, always checks on new arrivals personally to make sure that they are uncomfortable and their eternal torment is going smoothly and so on.

So he arrives at their cell and listens in for a...

Me - So, what do you do?

Otto - I'm a supervillain.

Me - What's your name?

Otto - Corrector.

Me - HAHAHA! Are you Sirius?
What's your super powder?
Wait a minion……
what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS
MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

What are the chances of Gru’s henchmen having a singular eye?

One in a minion

What do you call a?...

What do you call potato who's high?
A. A baked potato
What do call a wizard who doesn't have enough minions?
A. Short staffed

Ps. This is my first post, be gentle with me.

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My Father tells this one at every family get together. (Apologies in advance if that has been posted here already)

So Mrs. Rodgers is a 3rd grade English teacher, and each Monday she gives her students a new vocabulary word. The students' task is to come up with a sentence using the new vocabulary word by the following day. This week the word is "contagious."

So Tuesday morning rolls around and Mrs. Rodg...

When constructing the Black Gate...

Minion: "Is this too big? Do we need less door?"

Sauron: "No, Mordor."

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My favourite nun joke

The nuns from the Convent of the Immaculate Conception were on a day trip when their bus went off the road, plunged over a cliff and they were all killed.

It had been a long day at the gates of heaven and Saint Peter had been counting down the minutes to knocking off time and some well-earned...

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A man dies and goes to hell....

upon arrival he meets Satan. Satan tells the man he has a choice. He can pick one of three rooms to spend the rest of eternity in. Satan shows him the first room. It is full of the smelliest, nastiest shit high enough that the poor souls in the room are covered in shit up to their waists. The m...

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Three explorers...

...were going through the Amazon forest, one American, one French and the last Portuguese. Suddenly, they were captured by a cannibal tribe.

Tied to woods in the middle of the village, they hear scared for the proposition made by the chief cannibal.

"Each of you can make any wish. If I...

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