Higher Jokes - 78 Hilarious Higher Jokes

TIL: bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest

Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly

I bet a guy $50 that I could jump higher than a house.

So we went outside and stood by a house. Mustering all my strength, I managed to jump about 18 inches off the ground.

"Ha! Is that as high as you can jump?"

"Hold on, let's see how high the house jumps."

Who is the only higher ranked officer in the Chicken Army above Colonel Sanders?

General Tso.

Some species of frog can jump higher than a 3-story office building.

It's because of their immensely powerful hind legs, and the fact that office buildings cannot jump.

Did you know the white-tail deer can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.

The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?

He replied 'India '.

The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'

He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian des...

Pit bulls are the dog breed that most values higher education

A lot of them go after their masters.

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that Viagra prescriptions are given at a higher rate in nursing homes than anywhere else?

It helps the men stop rolling out of bed!

I went to a Trump rally the other day, and the only thing higher than the average IQ of the crowd...

Was the average BMI.

How can a flea jump higher than the Empire State Building?

The Empire State Building can't jump.

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than him

“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”

God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?”

“Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the ...

Why are gas prices getting higher?

It still tastes the same to me.

Vaccinated children have a higher chance of getting autism.

After all, you have to be alive to get autism.

What is someone who helps women achieve higher education called?

Goinacollegist

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

They say the more you drink, the higher is your tolerance.

Not true. My grandpa is an alcoholic, yet extremely racist.

What gets higher with age?

Willie Nelson

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Women speak at a higher pitch when they talk to someone attractive...

That's why every girl I talk to sounds like fucking Batman.

I found a small coffee shop named Higher Ground.

Now I know where to find Obi-Wan if I need him.

Everything's higher these days. Food. Gas.

Me.

Two rednecks join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks

Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"

What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and Boris Johnson?

One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.

What number is higher than infinity?

420

Biden has a higher approval rating among female voters than Trump

However it was the Mail voters that won Biden the Election.

I have a higher IQ than Batman and Donald Trump combined.

By the way, Batman has a higher IQ than me.

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

Why are people on higher floors funnier?

They have a type of elevated humor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A first grader kid, John, always asked his teacher, Kate, to place him in a higher grade's class.

"You put me in the wrong class, madam" he says, "I am at least as smart as my older sister bu she is in the third grade, I am not!"

He complained so much that Kate decides to take him to the principal and she tells the story. "Hmm" principal says, "Let's check if it's true or not. If he deser...

For all my life my dad kept messing with the ledge above the fire place, lengthening it, shortening it, sanding it, painting it. But he died last week. After I got home from the funeral I compulsively got my tools out and raised it six inches higher ...

... I guess you could say I’ve taken up his mantel.

The higher ups don't want you to know this

The ducks at the park are free.

Did you know that when someone likes you, their voice goes higher when talking to you?

That's probably why the girls I talk to sound like batman.

I’ve never been able to count any higher than seven in French...

It turns out I’ve got a huit allergy

It's true that vaccinated kids have higher chances of becoming autistic

Because they actually live to develop it

Why do men have a higher suicide rate than women?

Cause we believe in commitment. :D

TIL a white tail deer can jump higher than a standard house.

A white tail deer with their powerful hind legs can jump 8 - 12 feet high whereas a standard house can't jump.

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

Who ranks higher than private dimes?

The dollar general

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later..

The nun agreed…

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, “Sister, have you seen a soldier?”

The nun replied, “He went that way.”

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough, sister. You see, I don’t want ...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver replies, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting, the driver's wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise...

A Group of Basic Girls Will Have a Higher Concentration of HOs.

However, a group of acidic girls will have a higher concentration of Hs.

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

A man claimed he could jump higher than his house...

A man was talking to his friend and he said, "Dude, I bet $20 that I can jump higher than my house." His friend replied, "Ok, deal."
They went outside and the man jumped a foot into the air. "Well, time to pay up!" said his friend. "Nope!", the man said, "You owe me $20!" "How?" "I jumped a foot ...

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An intestine claimed to have a higher IQ than the brain.

But the intestine was full of shit.

Everyone thinks Muhammad Ali was the best boxer in history, but Jim Jones had a way higher number of KO's...

900 with just one punch.

I wish Youtube would only allow videos in 1080p or higher from next year on

That would be a nice New Year's resolution.

What'll get you higher, weed or a ladder?

The latter.

After extensive research, I've concluded that unvaccinated children will have a higher chance of not being on the Autistic Spectrum

Instead, they have a considerable higher chance of being dead...

Why is car insurance higher for lap dancers?

They run a higher risk of being rear-ended.

What's higher than the sky and lower than the sea?

The Netherlands.

I use to support higher spending on education. But then I learned a harsh truth. No matter how smart we we make children,

50% of them will still be below average.

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For some reason pee jokes rank higher than poop jokes. I don’t care.

Number 1 doesn’t mean shit!!

My dad claimed he could jump higher than a 7 foot fence.

Of course he was right though, Fences can't jump at all!

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

When someone explains something of higher intellect, don’t feel inferior, feel grateful.

It means more than you know.

My boss: Why should I higher you as a Reverse Psychologist?

Me: You shouldn’t

The screenwriters for UP were flying to get a view of what it would be like for the characters on screen. They had a fair idea, and they stopped writing. As soon as they did, the wind took them off course and higher than ever.

They got caught in an UP draft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As Notre Dame burns, a terrified Quasimodo climbs higher and higher to escape the flames

but of course the poor creature is hopelessly trapped, and the crowd gathering below yell "Jump, Quasimodo! Jump!"

Quasimodo jerks his thumb over his shoulder, yells "Harroo hink hirris, a hucking harra hoo?" and climbs still higher.

Again the flames pursue him, and again the crowd...

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...

Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics?

Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration.

(all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)

The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.

Thank God for them sponges.

It is scientifically proven that those who vaccinate have higher rates of autism.

Because the non-vaccinated children never lived long enough to be surveyed.

It’s true women do make less money than men

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

Who has a higher recycling rate than a recycling plant?

r/Jokes

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let ...

Two guys are arguing, whose grandfather was higher.

-Mine was high as a tree.
-Mine was higher, as a mountain .
- Mine was so high, that he could touch the stars.
- Were the stars round?
- yes
- Were they warm?
- yes
- So that was my grandfather's balls.

I used to be square but then I gave my self to a higher power...

Now I'm stuck in this cubical all day

Did you know that you can transfer into a much higher paying job in IT with almost no training?

Apparently its all about networking...

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common?

The higher they are, the more spaced out they get

Do you remember that group of whales that had a distinct higher pitch to their songs?

I believe they were Orcastrato

A particular species of frog, found in South American rainforests, has been observed to leap higher than a 1 story house.

This is due to the extremely powerful hind legs of the frog, and the fact that houses cannot leap.

They say families were larger in the past due to higher child mortality rates....

but as it turns out, your great-great-great-GREEEEAAAT-Grandma really just loved her some D

I never watch movies with a score 9/10 or higher.

They're always overeighted.

A soldier approaches a nun.

"I don't want to be rude, but can I please hide under your dress? I'll explain later." Said the man.

"Go ahead", answered the nun.

Two high ranked army-officers walk up and ask the nun: "have you, by any coincidence, seen a soldier?"

After the officers disappear the soldier lea...

Why are sea levels getting higher?

Cause of the sea weed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys called Richard were trying to see who could go higher on swings.

It was a real dick swinging contest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Masturbation can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."

And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.

A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates...

He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.

Having arrived at the Gates of
Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.

"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the c...

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