UPJOKE
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With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?r>
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make som...

It got up to 93 degrees today

which is pretty good for a fella my age.

What kind of tree has branches with angles that all add up to 180 degrees?

A Trigonome-Tree.

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

Mt favorite naval joke!

**Americans**: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.









**Canadians**: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.






**Americans**: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship....

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Long joke about dead pilots

Two pilots are dead and brave passengers break down the door to take control of the plane. They get on to air traffic control who guide them….

“Ok stay calm…now do you see those 3 switches located on main panel?”

“Yes, yes!!!”

“Ok make sure they are all switched to ‘on’”

...

The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's 15 degrees outside, what do you do?

You better hope youre not a fucking American!

If you want to be smart, get a degree.

If you want to be right, get ninety degrees.

In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...

Poison I,II,III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain. However poison IV would make you really itchy.

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For my cake day I’ve decided to share my favourite cake recipe

I used to have trouble remembering how I did it, so this time I wrote it down while making it.

You’ll need 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1...bottle Vodka,2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to che...

Instructions said to preheat oven at 180 degrees

Not sure i'll try this recipe again, turning the oven upside down was a real back breaker...

So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees.

Now I'm left with an upside down pie in an oven.

You should never put anything in the oven at 180 degrees...

You are just going to drop all the food...

Did you know: an owl’s head can rotate 720 degrees

before it comes off in your hand.

Why did the sun not go to college?

Because it already has a million degrees

A man dies and goes to hell

Because all the other torture chambers are full, the Devil puts him to hard labor.

A few hours pass, and the Devil returns to see how the torture is going. But the man is smiling and hardly working a sweat.

"Why haven't you given up yet? It's been at least 6 hours." The Devil asks him....

90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,

But for mathematicians, it's just right.

I’m going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius.

My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.

What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?

0 K boomer

How A/C was invented

The four Goldberg brothers - Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell - invent vehicle air conditioning. But they have a hard time marketing it.

Well, on one 97-degree Detroit summer day, the four brothers walk into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talk his secretary into telling him that four...

LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What do you call a Jewish man with four college degrees but isn’t a lawyer or a doctor?

A disappointment to his mother.

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with ...

It's 69 degrees right now in December

I didn't realize it would be this nice out

I always turn my room temperature just below 70 degrees before I go to sleep. Why?

Because it doesn't get hotter than 69 in my bed.

I have degrees in psychology,economics and politics.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

It's 69 degrees outside

Feels good.

Why do hockey rinks have curved corners?

Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

What do you get with water at 69 degrees?

Noice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.

The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the water it's a 32 degrees Celsius".


The other two were amazed. "Let me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature i...

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em...

If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed.

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

The Doctors told me I was just Six Degrees from dying of Kevin Bacon

Fortunately, Bacon was cured.

What did the water sing at 4 degrees celsius?

- Lets dense !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Texas we don't measure temperature in degrees

It's either "hot as balls" or "cold as shit."

Do you know what would happen if you'd freeze someone to -273.15 degrees Clesius?

That person would be 0K

What do you do to stay cool when it’s 100 degrees in NYC?

Dress as a cop.

Why do you never use a cannon in hot weather?

It shoots itself at 90 degrees

What is the smartest tool?

A thermometer because it has so many degrees

On Mercury's unlit side, it can get as low as -183 degrees Celsius...

But hey, on the bright side, it's 467 degrees Celsius.

When asked the temperature I enjoy giving it in Kelvin.

I’m losing my friends by degrees.

Tomorrow's forecast is a high of 98 Degrees.

I hate boy bands.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

Brain cells fry at how many degrees?

Just 1: your college degree.

What do you call the path of a truck turning 180 degrees?

A semi-circle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

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