Delusions Jokes - 21 Hilarious Delusions Jokes

What do you call an mule with delusions of being a knight’s horse?

Donkey-jote!

upvote

downvote

report

I Told My Psychiatrist That I Had Delusions That I Was A Dog

He told me to get off his couch.

upvote

downvote

report

My friend has paranoid delusions about being a chocolate orange.

I worry he might get sectioned.

upvote

downvote

report

Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!

upvote

downvote

report

I used to have delusions that I was living in the past.

I'm fine today though and that happened hundreds of years ago.

upvote

downvote

report

What is white and has delusions of grandeur?

The average sperm

upvote

downvote

report

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day, my friend told me he thinks he has delusions of an Oedipal Complex.

I called him a paranoid motherfucker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My psychiatrist says I have delusions of sexual superiority

She just wants to fuck me.

The shrinks diagnosed me as a sociopath with paranoid delusions.

But they're just out to get me.

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist that I was suffering from affluenza.

He diagnosed me with delusions of grandeur.

I visited the library the other day.

I asked the librarian where the books on paranoid delusions were kept.
She leaned in close to me and whispered,

"They're behind you!"

upvote

downvote

report

paranoid fantasies

A woman is laying on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist says, "I want to talk about these paranoid fantasies you've been having of being stalked by a man who is disguising himself as furniture. How long have you been having these delusions?"
The woman says, "About 5 months."
...

upvote

downvote

report

Idk if this is a repost but here goes

A psychiatrist is talking to one of his most difficult patients. "Let's go back to what you said last time, about how all of your troubles began, what was it, a year ago?"

"Sure thing, Doc. Well, as I said, I had gotten into the Airbnb scene at the time, and I had a couple of, "tenants", as i...

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

upvote

downvote

report

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

upvote

downvote

report

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist

He suffers from very sphere delusions.

upvote

downvote

report

What happened when the number 8 got drunk?

He fell over and had delusions of grandeur.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist

Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.