My friend has paranoid delusions about being a chocolate orange.

I worry he might get sectioned.

I used to have delusions that I was living in the past.

I'm fine today though and that happened hundreds of years ago.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day, my friend told me he thinks he has delusions of an Oedipal Complex.

I called him a paranoid motherfucker.

Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!

What is white and has delusions of grandeur?

The average sperm

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

I used to suffer from delusions that I was a bland, flavourless cut of meat...

but now I'm cured.

The shrinks diagnosed me as a sociopath with paranoid delusions.

But they're just out to get me.

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

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My psychiatrist says I have delusions of sexual superiority

She just wants to fuck me.

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist

He suffers from very sphere delusions.

What happened when the number 8 got drunk?

He fell over and had delusions of grandeur.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

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I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist

Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse.

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