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Delusions Jokes

What do you call an mule with delusions of being a knight’s horse?

Donkey-jote!

I Told My Psychiatrist That I Had Delusions That I Was A Dog

He told me to get off his couch.

My friend has paranoid delusions about being a chocolate orange.

I worry he might get sectioned.

Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!

I used to have delusions that I was living in the past.

I'm fine today though and that happened hundreds of years ago.

What is white and has delusions of grandeur?

The average sperm

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day, my friend told me he thinks he has delusions of an Oedipal Complex.

I called him a paranoid motherfucker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My psychiatrist says I have delusions of sexual superiority

She just wants to fuck me.

The shrinks diagnosed me as a sociopath with paranoid delusions.

But they're just out to get me.

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?

Groundhog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist that I was suffering from affluenza.

He diagnosed me with delusions of grandeur.

I visited the library the other day.

I asked the librarian where the books on paranoid delusions were kept.
She leaned in close to me and whispered,

"They're behind you!"

paranoid fantasies

A woman is laying on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist says, "I want to talk about these paranoid fantasies you've been having of being stalked by a man who is disguising himself as furniture. How long have you been having these delusions?"
The woman says, "About 5 months."
...

Idk if this is a repost but here goes

A psychiatrist is talking to one of his most difficult patients. "Let's go back to what you said last time, about how all of your troubles began, what was it, a year ago?"

"Sure thing, Doc. Well, as I said, I had gotten into the Airbnb scene at the time, and I had a couple of, "tenants", as i...

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

Freud, Darwin and the Pope walked into a bar.

Sitting on the counter is a weird, creepy statue. As they walk in, it's eyes seem to follow them.
They approach the bar, and to their shock the statue speaks. "Enjoy your beverages, mortals."

The three are stunned for a moment.
Darwin recovers first.
"This obviously is a product of ...

My flat-earther friend was diagnosed by a psychologist

He suffers from very sphere delusions.

What happened when the number 8 got drunk?

He fell over and had delusions of grandeur.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist

Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

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