Mcdonald's Jokes - 54 Hilarious Mcdonald's Jokes

What is Ronald McDonald's approach to dating?

Court her. Pound her.

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A dyslexic boy is on his way home from training with his mam...."Can we stop at McDonald's mam? I'm starving" the boy asks. "If you can spell McDonald's we will stop on the way home ofcourse son" The boy pauses, composes himself and begins "M" "C" He begins to struggle....

"Ah fuck it mam let's have a KCF"

What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm ?

The CIEIO

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

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A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

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I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today

His parents were pissed.

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I went to McDonald's today. I smiled at the bloke and said "Can I have a small shake please?"

He told me to "Fuck off" and walked out of the men's toilets.

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The New Yorker the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begi...

A German man walks into a McDonald's in the United States...

After waiting in line, he finally gets to the counter, and he orders a pint of beer, because you can get beer at McDonalds in Germany.

An American customer overhears the man's order, and he approaches the German man and says, "How could you be so stupid? you cannot order beer here." while lau...

I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today...

His mom got really angry with me...

I got a job as senior director at an old McDonald's farm

I’m the CIEIO

Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that...…

\- I recieved a predeclined credit card in the mail.
\- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
\- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
\- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
\- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
\- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of ...

McDonald's named a menu item after Stanley Burrell

The McHammer.

How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle?

You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.

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I ordered two large fries at McDonald's

The bastards gave me 86 tiny ones

Three College Graduates in McDonald's

Three recent college graduates met in McDonald's, and the engineering major said, "Did you see the new wind turbines going up on the east side of town? They had asked our class to run some stress studies during windstorms as an exercise".

"Yes", the geology graduate said, "They also contacte...

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A man walks into McDonald's to report a man soliciting sex in the parking lot.

The clerk asks him what happened, and he proceeds to tell them that there is a man in the parking lot offering a blowjob in exchange for a hamburger. The clerk lets the man know that they will inform the manager who will call the police and have the man removed. They then thank the man and ask him w...

McDonald's drive-thru

So is that McDonald's is very busy I went through the drive-thru. I was deciding what I wanted to order. The person behind me kept honking yelling and screaming obscenities. I finished placing my order went up to the cashiers window. And said I would like to pay for the car behind me also. Paid for ...

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what do woman and a McDonald's happy meal have in common?

They both can cum with a toy inside lol

I'm really looking forward to the world Cup themed McDonald's burger.

The Qatar pounder

A frog goes into McDonald's and orderes a cheeseburger

The cashier looks at the frog and asks him: would you like flies with that sir?

I was at McDonald's yesterday eating a kids meal

Until his parents asked me to stop

An elderly couple are at McDonald's

They order one meal between the 2 and go and sit down.

The guy in the booth next to them notices they've only got one meal and offers to buy them another one.

The elderly man says "no thank you we share everything"

So the elderly man then cuts the burger in half and gives half ...

Did you hear that McDonald's is implanting all of its employees with technology that gives them all a common hive mind?

They're calling themselves the Burg.

I bought a bunch of shares of Old McDonald's farm.

I'm now the
#C-I-E-I-O

How do McDonald's employees protect their laptops?

They use McAfee

I remember when McDonald's switched from styrofoam to cardboard and paper.

I'm still wondering when they're going to start using actual meat.

Every new McDonald's creates 40 new jobs.

20 dentists and 20 heart surgeons.

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday...

She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.

On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35,"he replied.

"I'm actually 47," t...

McDonald's is planning on making a Shakespearen play

It's called McBeth

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TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

I got fired from McDonald's for constantly eating what was in front of me

And I got fired from the gynecologist for the same reason

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McDonald's

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

Why wasn't there any McDonald's in the Roman Empire

There was too much Greece

TIL: America has more museums than McDonald's

McDonald's only has a few museums

Listen up McDonald's employees!

If someone in the drive-thru ever says the is your refrigerator running-joke, just tell them that you don't need to catch it because you placed it on a treadmill :)

Enjoy!

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat in seven year old buns.

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What do a prostitute and McDonald's have in common?

More bang for your buck

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What's the difference between a McDonald's and anal?

McDonald's makes your day, anal makes your hole weak.

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What's Ronald McDonald's favorite sex position?

The Cooter Pounder.

If McDonald's opened up in Bikini Bottom

They'd have the perfect sandwich to rival Krusty Krabs's sandwich and put the Chum Bucket out of business: The Krappy Patty

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There's a cheap prostitute in town who works the corner by McDonald's

Quarter? Pound her.

Why McDonald's will always be popular with the ladies.

It's got the big D.

A man walks into a McDonald's restaurant.

The cashier there notices his happiness and ask him why he's so happy to which the man responses with "I just graduated from Harvard, I'm excited to get a good job."

The cashier shakes his hand, "I'm also a Harvard graduate."

Some students notice an elderly couple in the McDonald's with only one meal on the table...

"Excuse me," says one of the students, "I noticed that you only have one meal between you. If you'd like we could get another for you, it's no trouble."

"That's very kind of you," replies the elderly woman, "but you see, in our marriage my husband and I share everything. This is enough food f...

What does Old McDonald's farm and an old Asian women's closet have in common?

There's a muumuu here, a muumuu there....

A man orders a drink at McDonald's

Cashier: $1.08 sir

Man: Sure, I'll wait

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

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16yo with a part time job at McDonald's comes home in a new Porsche Panamera Turbo S.

His mom screams at him, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU BUY THAT PORSCHE, WE KNOW WHAT IT COSTS."

The 16yo says, "I got it from that old lady over there, she gave me it for $1.

His mom, steaming: OMG SHE MIGHT BE A RAPIST AND A CHILD ABUSER! LET'S GO SEE HER!!"

His dad goes to the old lad...

Eating at McDonald's has plenty of health benefits.

For instance, it would prevent you from dying of old age.

What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ?

The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.

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