I've run over 20 marathons

Still can't get the blood completely off of my front bumper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a stripper who also ran marathons...

Before every race she would take a drink of Windex. After a couple of races one of her fellow runners and a client of the strip club where she worked noticed she always drunk the Windex before the race. He was curious and asked her “Why do you drink the Windex?” She replied “To keep me from streakin...

I’m binge-watching this show and they keep doing bits about marathons

Guess it’s some sort of running joke

Why are priests bad at marathons?

Because they always come in a little behind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons?

They're always coming in a little behind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve decided to stop giving blowjobs during marathons.

I’m just not a fan of running gags.

Why don't cows do well in marathons?

Their calves get tired.

I once ran three marathons in one week.

They're not that hard to organize if you have experience.

I don’t win Marathons because I’m lucky



I win because I’m driven.

What types of marathons do racist people run?

Only 3ks

I once finished 2 marathons in 2 minutes.

then they changed the name to Snickers..

I don't know why they run marathons in Germany....

They have a history of not finishing races.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather used to run marathons.

Every year while he was in his 20's and 30's, he'd go and participate in the local run. There was a guy who showed up every year, didn't even live in the town. Bit creepy, to be honest, but an alright guy. Anyway, he'd walk up to my grandfather, every year, in these same green sunglasses. He'd tell ...

Charity Marathons....

... They sure give you a run for your money...

I don't understand why people do all of these marathons for cancer

If I was to do one, I would expect a trophy, not a life threatening disease

Why doesn't Kevin Spacey win first place in marathons?

He isn't an athlete and doesn't train for marathons

Did you hear about the Catholic priest who runs marathons?

He never finishes first, he's always coming in a little behind.

Why are germans so bad at marathons?

Because they cant finish a race.

If I say that marathons are superior to sprints...

does that make me a racist?

I believe that marathons are bad. They are an excess; a perversion of healthy running. Running anything more than a few miles puts serious wear and tear on the joints without any benefit. Runners should be limited to no more than a 5k at the most, and marathons should be banned.

… and don't tell me that I'm just being racist.

I’ll admit; my business plan of impersonating and running marathons on behalf of fee paying clients who want prestige without effort, is not going well.

But I’d still give you a run for your money.

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