What is a chameleon's worst enemy?

A tongue twister

Two Chameleons walk in a gym.

The first one says “Spot me, bro”

The second goes “Who said that?”

I'm a chameleon. Somehow wedged myself between a brick and a tree trunk.

Brown to the left of me. Ochre to the right. Here I am stuck in a middle-ish hue.

Why don't chameleons get hit by cars?

They always look both ways.

What do you call it when a chameleon forgets how to breathe?

A reptile dysfunction

A monkey and a chameleon are smoking a joint in a tree

The chameleon says to the monkey “man I’m thirsty” to which the monkey replies “go down to the river and get a drink of water”.

So the chameleon crawls down the tree and wobbles over to the river bank. He leans down to take a sip and falls in.

As soon as he does, an alligator scoops ...

How do Chameleons identify their friends in the wild?

By recognizing which one's stick with them even through the hard times.

A mother Chameleon was so overcome with joy when her eggs hatched that her camouflage dropped.

Looking down excitedly, she exclaimed, "I've become apparent!"

What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?

Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!

Green chameleon for sale...

No, a red one.

No, blue.

No wait, a pink one.

Cool.

Never mind, I'm keeping it!

I wonder how many chameleons....

snuck onto the Ark?

I was walking in the jungle…

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes

I turn to the local tribesman and said “That lizard is really funny.”

The tribesman replied “That’s not a lizard…

He’s a stand up chameleon…”

Why are chameleons good in smoothies

Because they blend in really well

Fun Fact: A male chameleons tongue is 1-1.5 times their bodies length and can fire in & out really fast.

Another fun fact: female chameleons are very happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when a chameleon can no longer change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

I am really sad because my pet chameleon won’t change colors

I think he has ereptile dysfunction

I love going to pet shops. If I see an empty cage, I put a large pre prepared sign, saying "CHAMELEON"....

(stand back and watch the fun.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[At the chameleon store]

Me: Do you have any chameleons?


Clerk: I have no fucking idea

I tried making a chameleon smoothie, it didn't turn out very good, surprisingly it...

doesn't blend well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a chameleon bum and a cellphone have in common?

They can change the ringtone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put a chameleon on a red dildo!

He blushed.

Why do you never drive on a highway next to a chameleon?

He might turn into you.

What happens if a European chameleon turns blue?

It's arrested for violating EU regulations

A guy walks into a bar, takes a seat and looks over the menu.

A guy walks into a bar, takes a seat and looks over the menu. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "I'll have the Chameleon," the guy replies. "Um, that's not on the menu," the bartender says. "How can you be sure?" the guy asks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a chameleon today.

That is one shitty chameleon

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

My chameleon couldn’t change colors, so I took him to the vet…

Poor guy was diagnosed with ereptile dysfunction.

Lost airport chameleon finally found

after hiding in plane site

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a chameleon the other day

...Lazy Fucker

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and sa...

I can’t change, I’m like a chameleon...

Always a lizard!

A chameleon came into a new environment.

He thought to himself, 'Colour me intrigued'.

,,,,,

chameleon

Waiter: "What'll you have?"

Me: "I'll have the chameleon."

Waiter: "That's not on the menu."

Me: "How can you be sure?"

What kind of lizard would you find on this site?

A karma chameleon.

Wrote a joke about a lizard to get some internet points.

A Karma Chameleon.

I never put my unpopular opinions on Reddit.

I guess you could say I'm a Karma Chameleon.

Apparently Boy George has...

... a pet lizard that bites people up to 5 times a day.

He needs a calmer chameleon

What do you call lizard picture posted on Reddit?

A karma chameleon

Lately my comment karma has been so good, Reddit sent me an award featuring a colorful lizard.

It's a comment karma chameleon.

A man walked into a pet store

A man walked into a pet store and asked a worker
“do you have any chameleons here?”
The worker responded:
“I don’t know”

What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other?

You're one in chameleon

Boy George would be a wonderful reddit user.

He would get a lot of karma karma karma karma karma chameleon.

You should never...

You should never pamper your pet chameleon, because it'll start to show it's *true colours.*

I walked into a pet shop and said, "Excuse me, do you have any blenders?"

The man said "yes" and handed me a chameleon.

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea...

>Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4

Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor.

“You wanted to see me sir”

“Ah, Zebon sit down,” The supervisor said pointing ...

What was a doctors diagnosis of the victims involved in a pet van crash?

Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Chameleon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A llama was grazing in a field one day... (long)

... when another llama came over.

"Hello," said the first llama.

"Whatcha doing?" asked the second llama.

"Oh, you know, eating some grass. Care to join me?" replied the first llama.

"Oh, thank you," said the second. So now there were two llamas eating. Along came a third...

[OC] What have repost bots and Boy George got in common?

They're karma chameleons.

How was the Redditor with only one karma upvote able to look like he had five karma upvotes?

He was a karma-karma-karma-karma, karma chameleon!

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