UPJOKE
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What is a chameleon's worst enemy?

A tongue twister

What’s it called when a chameleon can’t change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

What would a run on sentence ending in chameleon look like if you took away all the preceding words?

Comma comma comma comma comma chameleon.

I was told that chameleons blend well...

Then why did this one ruin my smoothie?

At a party chameleon says

"Hey, guys, look what I can do", and changes his color to match the walls of the room. Everyone goes "Wow!" Then octopus comes up to him and says "Hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer."

I went to a pet store today and put a large "CHAMELEON" sign in front of an empty cage.

Stand back and watch the fun.

I wonder how many chameleons....

snuck onto the Ark?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pet chameleon can't change colours. I'm very worried about him. So I fed him a Viagra.

Because he has a reptile disfunction.

I think I have a chameleon infestation

But there is no real way to tell

I saw a lizard standing on a post on the corner of the street.

It was strange, because it seemed like everyone who walked by it chuckled at least a little bit.

I never bothered to stop and ask, but I’m pretty sure he was a stand-up chameleon.

A monkey and a chameleon are smoking a joint in a tree

The chameleon says to the monkey “man I’m thirsty” to which the monkey replies “go down to the river and get a drink of water”.

So the chameleon crawls down the tree and wobbles over to the river bank. He leans down to take a sip and falls in.

As soon as he does, an alligator scoops ...

I'm a chameleon. Somehow wedged myself between a brick and a tree trunk.

Brown to the left of me. Ochre to the right. Here I am stuck in a middle-ish hue.

A mother Chameleon was so overcome with joy when her eggs hatched that her camouflage dropped.

Looking down excitedly, she exclaimed, "I've become apparent!"

Green chameleon for sale...

No, a red one.

No, blue.

No wait, a pink one.

Cool.

Never mind, I'm keeping it!

Fun Fact: A male chameleons tongue is 1-1.5 times their bodies length and can fire in & out really fast.

Another fun fact: female chameleons are very happy.

What do you call a chameleon who cant grow his tail back?

ereptile dysfunction

A guy on meth decides to sell his chameleon, and starts typing an ad

I have a red chameleon for sale. Nope a blue one. Scratch that, a green chameleon. Wooow, not for sale.

What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?

Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[At the chameleon store]

Me: Do you have any chameleons?


Clerk: I have no fucking idea

Three chameleons walk into a bar

The first one looks the others in the eyes and says “I have a confession to make...”

The second one, holding back tears, responds “you’re seeing someone else?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

saw a chameleon today

So it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon

What's on the menu?

A guy walks into a bar, takes a seat and looks over the menu. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "I'll have the Chameleon," the guy replies. "Um, that's not on the menu," the bartender says. "How can you be sure?" the guy asks.

Boy George has a pet lizard that goes out of its way to slap people with it’s tail when they tap on the glass of it’s terrarium

He owns a karma chameleon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a chameleon bum and a cellphone have in common?

They can change the ringtone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I put a chameleon on a red dildo!

He blushed.

I'm really funny, people tell me my humour comes in all sorts of colors.

Someone suggested I should be a stand up chameleon.

Lost airport chameleon finally found

after hiding in plane site

I am really sad because my pet chameleon won’t change colors

I think he has ereptile dysfunction

What happens if a European chameleon turns blue?

It's arrested for violating EU regulations

Why do you never drive on a highway next to a chameleon?

He might turn into you.

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

My chameleon couldn’t change colors, so I took him to the vet…

Poor guy was diagnosed with ereptile dysfunction.

Boy George has never owned an angry chameleon.

He knows how to calm a chameleon.

,,,,,

chameleon

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and sa...

Waiter: "What'll you have?"

Me: "I'll have the chameleon."

Waiter: "That's not on the menu."

Me: "How can you be sure?"

I can’t change, I’m like a chameleon...

Always a lizard!

A chameleon came into a new environment.

He thought to himself, 'Colour me intrigued'.

I was walking in the jungle…

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes

I turn to the local tribesman and said “That lizard is really funny.”

The tribesman replied “That’s not a lizard…

He’s a stand up chameleon…”

Wrote a joke about a lizard to get some internet points.

A Karma Chameleon.

I never put my unpopular opinions on Reddit.

I guess you could say I'm a Karma Chameleon.

What kind of lizard would you find on this site?

A karma chameleon.

What do you call lizard picture posted on Reddit?

A karma chameleon

Apparently Boy George has...

... a pet lizard that bites people up to 5 times a day.

He needs a calmer chameleon

Lately my comment karma has been so good, Reddit sent me an award featuring a colorful lizard.

It's a comment karma chameleon.

A man walked into a pet store

A man walked into a pet store and asked a worker
“do you have any chameleons here?”
The worker responded:
“I don’t know”

What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other?

You're one in chameleon

You should never...

You should never pamper your pet chameleon, because it'll start to show it's *true colours.*

I walked into a pet shop and said, "Excuse me, do you have any blenders?"

The man said "yes" and handed me a chameleon.

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea...

>Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4

Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor.

“You wanted to see me sir”

“Ah, Zebon sit down,” The supervisor said pointing ...

What was a doctors diagnosis of the victims involved in a pet van crash?

Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Coma, Chameleon

Boy George would be a wonderful reddit user.

He would get a lot of karma karma karma karma karma chameleon.

[OC] What have repost bots and Boy George got in common?

They're karma chameleons.

How was the Redditor with only one karma upvote able to look like he had five karma upvotes?

He was a karma-karma-karma-karma, karma chameleon!

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