Two snakes are talking

Snake 1: Hey, are we venomous?

Snake 2: No, Why?

Snake 1: I bit my toungue

Why are snakes so bad at playing hide-and-seek?

Because of their inability to count.

As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...

So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”

Snakes are misunderstood

Constrictor snakes just want hugs and get carried away and then eat the evidence to stay out of snake prison because they AIN'T GOING BACK.

What do you call the chewy candy that tastes like a mongoose and kills snakes?

Riki Tiki Taffy

Statistics show more people are killed by bees than snakes.

Politicians just have better lawyers.

There were two talking snakes....

....One was American, and the other British. The British one went "sssssssss", hissing as he normally did to the American snake because he was eating too much. The American one then went "No, this is America, we say zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz instead.".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife is deathly afraid of snakes so I got her last year by placing a rubber Copperhead in her glove compartment.

She nearly shit herself! Sadly, she finally got me back today and I must admit it was pretty crafty.

She knows that every morning I have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast so last night before she went to sleep she fucked my brother and emptied my bank account.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Snakes and condoms,

Two things I'll never fuck with.

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

Snakes can't hug.

They just ssssssssnuggle.

What do you call a cereal box full of snakes?

Honey Bunches of nopes

Snakes

Two snakes on the lawn,one says to the other,” are we the kind of snake that bites our prey OR do we crush them”? The other one says “WE CRUSH THEM”. First snake replies “ Thank gawd for that,I’ve just bitten my lip”

I was just attacked by a bunch of snakes. Not sure how many there were. Around 3.14 I’d guess.

I think they were probably πthons.

Is the tale of St Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland just mythology?

No, it's hiss-story.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the pet store owner feed his snakes viagra when they were stuck crawling backwards?

He thought they were suffering from a reptile dysfunction.

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

Noah lets all the animals off the ark and tells them, "Go forth, and multiply."

A year later, he goes around to all the animals to see how they're doing. The horses have foals, the wolves have pups, the lions have cubs...everything looks good. But then he gets to a couple of snakes, and they ...

A student is going through some hypotheticals about snakes to their biology teacher

student:"What if it bites me and it dies?"

Teacher:"that means you’re poisonous."

Student:"What if it bites itself and I die?"

Teacher:"It’s voodoo."

Student:"What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

Teacher:"That’s correlation, not causation."

Student:"w...

There once was a snake breeder...

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. "You know what I wou...

When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".

When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.

"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.

"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".