Why do people ask if you like live music.

Of course I like live music, dead music has body but it doesn't have soul...

What do you call Data that stores footage from a live music performance?

A Gig-abyte

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I told my therapist about my compulsion to methodically disrupt live musical performances.

She said, “That’s disconcerting.”

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Two deaf guys stop off in a pub one night on the way home from their lip reading class.

Communicating by using their new lip reading skills one offers to buy the drinks and gives the money to the other who goes to the bar to get them.

At the bar he asks for two pints of lager which the barman puts on the bar and then says “that’ll be £15 please.”

The deaf guy looks shocke...

I'm a terrible speller

I hung up a sign outside my bar to let people know there was live music, but everyone thought I was trying to keep out Dwayne Johnson.

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A man walks into a very fancy restaurant...

"Alright!" The man yells. "Where's the fucking manager?" The manager quickly comes to the front desk and asks "would you mind keeping your voice down and avoiding such language."

"Shut up, you cocksucker!" The man replies. "Your sign says your looking for a pianist. So where the fuck's your p...

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...

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A walk on the beach

On my first (and so far only) visit to Hawaii, I was staying at a beautiful little cottage outside Hilo. There's a neat little place called Uncle's Awa Club, where they hold a farmer's market, live music, food of all kinds... Right in the lava zone, very remote.

I'd read about one of the boot...

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One more from the 85 year old shriner to get you smiling into the weekend.

A man came home late at night drunk. His wife was waiting up worried. She sees he has gold glitter on him. She suspects he was at a strip club so she asks "Where the hell have you been?”

He says, "The Golden Bar that just opened up. They have golden chairs, golden glasses, everything is gold!...

I finally got the attention of my crush

But... I’m not sure if I still want that date...

Like really she overreacted like she’s one of the crazy ones! She even called the police. I just asked for her number and brought her a cup of her favorite coffee!

I mean I would LOVE for someone to wake me up with coffee, a kiss to my f...

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A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work...

He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks the man if he'd like a little live music. The man says "sure". The bartender snaps his fingers, and out of a little door at the end of the bar comes a little man in a tuxedo who only stands about a foot high. The little man walks ove...

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Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a ...

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