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Life Jacket Jokes

I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week...

I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".

My friend Dave drowned yesterday, we placed a life jacket on his coffin

It's what he would have wanted...

What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket?

>!Flamboyancy!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


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### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

A ship was sinking...

The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".

A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he co...

I love my wife so much...

That if we were an a sinking boat, and there was only one life jacket, I would really miss her and think of her a lot.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're...

You Know You're A Northneck (Northern Redneck) If......

Your rusty vehicle's resale value only goes up if you remember to put the snow tires on them during the winter.

You ever got into a shouting match based on which college hockey team you're a fan of.

You've ever used expired gas station sushi as bait for ice fishing.

(You're re...

This morning while I was driving to work, a game warden pulled me over

and wrote me a ticket for no life jacket.

This is a regional joke in Louisiana. I ain't see the sun shine in 3 damn days.

What is Jesus to Christians?

An after-life jacket.

A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....

A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.

He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"

A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."

The Captain replied, "Great, you ke...

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman, A Welshman and a Scot are on a boat carrying sheep and potatoes.

They have just got out to sea when a rock collides with the ship and it begins to sink. There are three life jackets, enough for everyone to escape safely. The Irishman grabs as many potatoes as he can carry and stuffs them under his life jacket before throwing himself over the deck and attempting t...

UA new safety briefing

Life jacket, seatbelt, mouth guard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scoutmaster

Dear Dad & Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 Sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we we're all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happen...

Yall know the one with the airplane safety instruction ?

A business man has to go over sees on a business related trip so he has to take a plane for the firs time in his life . He goes through the whole process and boards the plane sitting down . The safety instruction begins and the flight attendant begin to explain " If any of the engines fail , do not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking on a beach when he saw a woman with no arms or legs crying. He asked what was wrong.

She said: "I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been hugged."

He hugged her and kept walking. A few minutes later, he sees her crying again. He asked what was wrong now;

She said: "I have no arms and no legs, and I've never been kissed."

He kissed her and kept walking. ...

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